My fiance has an uncle who lives out of state. He is your poster boy alcoholic/drug abuser. He comes about once a year to visit. He always gets shit faced drunk, takes too much Xanax and drives me crazy. He is flamboylently gay and always has to make uncomfortable gay jokes around us. (I'm a super liberal/feminist, so I'm not a homophobe, it's just the jokes are awful and not appropriate for family functions). There are other stories about him, but I don't want to get too personal. I've only met him twice, and that was twice enough.
I don't want this guy to come to the wedding. He'll have nowhere to stay anyway, my fiance's mom I know will not let him stay at her house again, she got sick of him last time he was here. And other people coming into town will get first dibs anyway on staying with her.
He is going to embarrass people, and I'm sure scare the crap out of kids. He is LOUD and obnoxious and always try to belch as loud and he can. He will seriously freak people out. He is the most disgusting person I've ever met.
I don't have the courage to tell my future MIL I don't want him to come. I don't think it would hurt her feelings, and I'm not sure he even has the funds to come into town. I'm kind of waiting for her to bring him up. I just don't want to come off as being a bitch.
If he doesn't drink, I think he would be able to stay fairly normal, that's the only option I can think of.
It's your FH's uncle he has to deal with it. You both have to decide what you want to do about him - invite or not and then he tells his family.
Otherwise, you are inviting him. Hopefully he won't be able to attend.
I had an issue like this with my uncle. It was my choice not to invite him - but I did so knowing it would create NO issues with my Mom. My aunt got upset about it but called my Mom and she explained it was my decision, not hers, and why - because his behavior is just totally uncalled for 99% of the time and I didn't want to be worried about him at my wedding. My aunt understood that.
That said, if my grandfather had still been alive, I would have invited him otherwise my grandfather would not have come.
There is an uncle on my Dad's side that I wish I could have not invited but it was not worth the family drama it would involve.
So that's what you and your FH need to consider. How much family drama/wrath are you willing to incur?
Does your fiance feel the same way you do about this? I'm not really sure about the etiquette on this, but I'm sure you'll get a lot of the following advice, regardless of whether or not you invite him:
Talk to your FH. Whatever the two of you decide, let him handle speaking to his mother about the situation.