Hi, everyone. So I have a major predicament with my wedding party.
My fiance has two sisters: Joey and Tina. Joey is one of my best girlfriends; Tina is a trouble-maker with a history of substance abuse, theft, and mental illness (she is bi-polar and a manic depressive). We are very civil with each other, but we are not close at all (she has spent most of my relationship with my fiance in rehab, hospital or jail). I really do not want her to be a part of my wedding party, because knowing her, she'll show up stoned and make a scene. However, I'm terrified that if I don't ask her, she'll still show up stoned and make an even bigger scene out of spite. Joey is so cool, she told me that if it would be easier to have neither of them in the wedding party, she would understand. But I would die if I couldn't have her by my side on my wedding day - I don't think I should have to sacrifice one to prevent the other from causing trouble. What should I do?
Edited by: LaurenCaltabiano on May 21, 2011 11:15 AM
You are totally absolutely free to ask the sister with whom you are friends and not ask the sister who has been a problem.
If you are confronted by the problem sister, then I suggest you do two things: (1) Let her brother deal with her and (2) be brutally honest.
"You rotten person! How dare you ask my sister to be in your wedding and not me. I hate you."
"Let me pass the phone over to your brother."
"Hello, Sis. There are a whole lot of good reasons why you were not asked to be in the wedding party. You have been involved in substance abuse and have failed at least three rehab stays that I know of. You threw a fit at Homer and Marge's wedding last summer. You ruined Christmas dinner at Grandma's. (etc) Those are the reasons why you were not asked to be a bridesmaid, and that decision is final."
Next: To prevent drama on W-Day, assign her a "minder". Find some trustworthy muscular guy, preferably named "Tiny" who will stay sober and keep a sharp eye on her. If Sis starts to misbehave, Tiny and assistants will drag her out of the room.
I agree with Misty, too. Joey is not just his sister, but your friend. I'm very sorry you feel like you are in the position you're in, and it sounds like you have a very good heart to consider her feelings even though it sounds like she's put everyone through a lot.