Okay so, I’m having a problem with my Maid of Honor, who happens to be my sister. Since day one, she has shown no interest, what-so-ever, in my engagement or the wedding planning. When my fiancé and I announced our engagement, she never congratulated us or asked to see my ring, even to this day. Even though it really hurt me, I just brushed it off my shoulders and tried to not let it bother me. Now, you have to understand that my sister and I were never close, but I figured it would be nice for me to ask her to be my maid of honor. So, I took the time out to write a heart-felt poem and frame it for her; you know something that she would be able to keep as a keepsake. Towards the end of the poem it said, “Will do be my maid of honor?” I handed her the poem, she read it and just said, “Okay.” I was thinking, “wow, that’s all you have to say is okay?!” She wasn’t even the least bit excited about it. So, again my feelings got hurt.
My fiancé and I got engaged in February of 2010, and our wedding is next month (June 24) and my sister has yet to offer to help me with anything, even when I ask for her help or opinion. Now, my 2 bridesmaids on the other hand are a completely different story. Ever since the day I got engaged they were so excited for my fiancé’ and I, and they both call me at least once a week to see how the wedding planning is going or if I need help with anything.
Just recently, my bridesmaids asked my sister if she had any plans to throw me a bachelorette party and my sister said that she is too busy with work to plan anything for me. Now, I understand that my sister is busy with her own life and work but she only works part time as a waitress, it’s not like she has a job where she has to do daily planning or anything like that. Unless, waitresses do, I’m not too sure I’ve never waitressed. But anyways, so now my bridesmaids are giving me a bachelorette party.
Today, I went to visit with one of my bridesmaids and she asked me what day I thought was best for the party and I told her that it really doesn’t matter to me. So, she texted my sister and gave her 2 different weekends to have it (giving my sister the option to choose) and my sister replied to her saying that she doesn’t have time any of the weekends from now until the wedding because she works every weekend. Then she continued to say that more than likely if I have a bachelorette party she won’t even be coming no matter what weekend it is. By this point, I just feel like my own sister does not care at all about me, in fact, I feel like she is purposely trying to hurt my feelings.
To make matters worse, my mother is now getting involved and making things worse for me. Today my mom told me that I need to “grow up, and let things go.” Then she continues to say that when she got married, her maid of honor didn’t do anything for her. So now I feel like I’m the bad person. Now my mom is upset at me for not including my sister in on anything. I explained to my mom that we try to include my sister in on everything but she shows no interest, even one of my bridesmaids explained this to her. But my mom still makes me feel like the bad guy saying that I need to ask my sister for help instead of expecting her to come and ask me if I need any help.
Am I just getting upset over nothing? I don’t know, maybe I’m just expecting too much from my sister. I just thought that the maid of honor was supposed to be helping out more and showing more interest in what is going on. I even texted my sister today to tell her that I think we need to get together to talk about stuff and she replies to me by saying that she doesn’t know her work schedule so she doesn’t know when she will have time to talk to me. But, I know for a fact that she has time in the morning to talk to me because a mutual friend of ours has been hanging out with her during the day for the past week. She just seems to be blowing me off since day one and for the life of me I don’t understand why. I almost feel as if she is doing all this intentionally to hurt me and I can’t figure out what to do, because my mother is also making me feel the same way.
If anyone has any suggestions please, please, please share them with me because at this point I have no clue what to do and our wedding is only one month away and this is just adding to all my stress.
You have never been close to your sister, and now you ask her to be a MOH and hope everything will change. Does a leopard change its spots?
She's pretty much acting, I am guessing, the way she's always acted. She's involved with her own life, her own job, her own friends, her own leisure activities and does not have much time nor energy nor interest in you and your wedding.
That hurts, sure, but there's nothing you can do.
I agree with your Mom. You need to let it go.
I also disagree with Mom. I see no reason to go begging for more attention from someone who obviously does not want to give it. Invite Sis to whatever wedding-related event, then don't be surprised if she doesn't come.
If she shows up on W-Day dressed appropriately, that's all you can ask of her. Be mentally prepared for her to not show, or come late, though. Have a Plan B in mind for that event. Don't let it ruin your day. Don't delay the wedding one second due to her being late.
Becoming a Maid of Honor does not turns someone into a different person. It's a title, with certain accompanying duties, such as show up and wear a dress of the bride's choosing. It does not madate that you become intersted in the bride herself or in any wedding events.
You have bridesmaids who are enthusiastic and willing to plan your wedding and accompanying events. Be grateful for that. Don't expect your sister to change overnight because you're getting married. Personally, in the interest of the relationship, I'd say something to her to the effect of "Sister, I was hoping you would be more involved and interested in the wedding events, but I understand you have your own life and interests. If something changes, and you would like to have a bigger role, please let me know, as I would really love and appreciate that." Then tell your mom that you've left the door open should your sis ever change her mind. Then let it go and enjoy the friendship/support you do have rather than focus on that which you don't.
Good luck, and happy wedding planning.
"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson
if it were me, i wouldn't break my heart over it. you were never close to begin with, so it's not a huge surprise that you're still not close. continue to invite her to wedding-related events and planning, but don't be surprised if she doesn't show up, and don't sweat it. you have your friends to support you there, after all.
one thing i will disagree with is the common misconception that agreeing to be someone's MOH comes with "certain duties"...the only "duties" it comes with is buying a dress and showing up to the wedding on time. generally the MOH does a lot more because she's the bride's best friend and she WANTS to, but she is in no way obligated to do more than the above. i really wish your sister had shown more interest. honestly, i feel like she never should have agreed to be your MOH.