Too many bridesmaids...help!

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LF Posts : 1 Registered: 1/31/11
Too many bridesmaids...help!
Posted: Jan 31, 2011 7:07 PM

I have too many bridesmaids. Our wedding is not big (100 people), and I have 9 "must have" lovely ladies as my bridesmaids. My fiance has about 3-4 friends that he is very close with, and I wouldn't want him to invite more friends to be groomsmen just to match my number. I think it's going to look funny with all 9 of my bridesmaids up there with 3 of his groomsmen. Shortening my bridesmaid list is not an option--I love them all too much to just have a few.
My fiance prefers that we just have a BM and MOH in the ceremony, I am willing to do this, but I still plan to have bridesmaids. What can I do to make my bridesmaids feel special since they won't be standing up there with me? Should I still have them wear bridesmaid dresses? Ceremony seating advice? Invite them to the rehearsal dinner? Anybody else have a similar situation?

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Too many bridesmaids...help!
Posted: Jan 31, 2011 8:13 PM Go to message in response to: LF

Please excuse the snarky sound of this question, because I don't intend it to sound snarky.

Why do you need so many bridesmaids?

You and your FH have to agree on the number.

I'll be honest... I'd be pretty irked if you asked me to be a bridesmaid, and I bought a dress and did all the pre-wedding crap (showers, parties, etc) associated with the job of bridesmaid... and then I find out I'm not standing up?

What exactly do you want these women to do? Why can't you find some other function for them in the service....?

Maybe have two do readings
One passes out programs
One cuts cake for the guests
Others greet people.

You can find other jobs for these people. They do not have to be bridesmaids.

Why exactly is it that cutting down the number of bridesmaids is not an option? And truly....9 bridesmaids for 100 guests? that's a bit much.

I'm not trying to be hyper critical, but that's a lot of bridesmaids for a small wedding.

My suggestion: Pick an MOH and stick with just that. Any more than 3 attendants for your size wedding is going to look like there are more people standing than sitting.

Misty

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Too many bridesmaids...help!
Posted: Jan 31, 2011 11:13 PM Go to message in response to: LF

What does a bridesmaid mean to you?

Bridesmaids aren't simply an army of dress-aliked female (or male bridesmen)friends.

Standing up beside the bride is, to me, their main purpose. It's choosing those closest to you have the honour of standing by you and signifying 'you are special, i want you there beside me during this major moment in my life.'

They get some special perks such as having a special dress and being more involved in your day. They also sometimes have some extra activities such as showers, bachelorette parties and folding 150 programs.

But by going 'I want you to hold the title of bridesmaid and spend money on a dress and help me--but not get the honour of standing by my side' I think you are misunderstanding what being a bridesmaid is all about. But that's just my perspective on the role of bridesmaid.

I would either have a lopsided wedding or pick less bridesmaids.

For me, I think of it as who do I share most of my life with. When I was proposed to I first told my parents. After that I immediately told my little sister, my best friend since high school, a close friend of mine since I was five and my male best friend. Those people--the ones I couldn't wait to tell, will be standing by my side.

It doesn't mean that my other best/close friends don't share a huge significance in my life.

I would try to find away to tone it down. 9 Bridesmaids is a lot. And your FH doesn't want such a big bridal party and when it comes down to it, this is a decision between you and your FH. But if you are 100% positive that all of these bridesmaids are completely equal and essential--then explain that to your FH. Maybe he will understand.

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08divabride Posts : 831 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: Too many bridesmaids...help!
Posted: Feb 1, 2011 9:41 AM Go to message in response to: LF

I think 9 BM's to his 3 GM's would be a bit extreme. Why can't you assign other duties like the PP's stated? I'm pretty sure as long as they are a part of the day, it won't matter to them if they are BM's or not.

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josie1986 Posts : 18 Registered: 1/3/11
Re: Too many bridesmaids...help!
Posted: Feb 1, 2011 10:15 PM Go to message in response to: LF

There's nothing wrong with an uneven wedding party. You can have the 3 grooms men walk out with 2 girls, 1 on each arm and 1 pair of girls and the last walk in alone. You can then have 3 girls stand on the groom's side.

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juicygirl16 Posts : 49 Registered: 8/30/08
Re: Too many bridesmaids...help!
Posted: May 2, 2011 3:22 AM Go to message in response to: LF

I am dealing with a similar situation. I've been on Brides.com for about a year, I think, because a close friend of mine was getting married and I wanted to join. Reading the forums got me thinking about my own wedding.

Now, finally and recently engaged a few weeks ago, the reality is hitting that I really need to choose. I've posted in the past asking similir questions, and here's where I'm at now:

I feel the same about making the phone calls-those are the people I want up there with me. But that's ten girls. My friends seem to come in groups, I don't just have single friends from different areas of my life, aside from my sister. I have chunks of friends that stick together, and separating them is the issue.

So how do I ask some and not the others? I'm finding ways to validate those separations, but it's an emotionally tough decision, especially for a people pleaser like myself. I also made the mistake of having conversations about this with those friends, which yes, I know, should be an obvious thing to avoid, but sometimes it's hard when you get into conversations about your future wedding with friends.

I say all this because I want you to know you're not alone! My advice is to really think about the process of planning your wedding taking place with all these girls as your attendants. Will they make their best effort to do what you need them to do, when you need them to do it? Can they afford it (I don't mean that in a rude way at all-most of my friends are recent college grads, so finances are genuinely something to consider and/or discuss with them in sensitive way)? Will you need to look after them or will they be able to handle things (dress purchasing, being on time, etc.) on their own? These are just things to consider, and they are things I am considering. I want to find other jobs for some of my friends, like letting them choose something to read, or something.

This may sound stupid, but it really does hurt me to think about not having them as bridesmaids, especially when I know they would potentially consider me as one. But, true friends may be bummed out, but they will ultimately get over it. I really hope my friends will be that way, and I hope the same for you.

Sorry for the long rant!

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MagicalMomentsP... Posts : 742 Registered: 3/6/06
Re: Too many bridesmaids...help!
Posted: May 2, 2011 1:55 PM Go to message in response to: juicygirl16

Why do some people have to have a large bridal party? In the old days a bridal party was just the MOH and Best man. In some cases the wedding is quite large and they need all those people. In other cases, they have a large family or there is a tradition.

I'd like to discuss some of the practical concerns with having a larger bridal party. You'll see a larger bridal party will cost you more time and money on your wedding day. As your wedding day begins, you'll need to have bigger spaces for the men and women to get ready. That might mean additional hotel rooms or perhaps a bigger suite. Most hair and makeup artists charge my the person. So the more ladies standing up in the wedding the more it will cost to get them ready. Furthermore, it will take more time. Next, instead of a limo seating ten, you'll need a party bus. Remember after the ceremony, you're going to need to get the complete bridal party from the ceremony site to the reception and perhaps even a photo location.

Speaking of photos. Larger bridal parties require more time to photograph. A traditional photographer will photograph the bride with each bridesmaid and each bridesmaid individually. This will be repeated with men too! Later on, each couple who stood up together will have to be photographed. For those who use a pure PJ photographer, there is a greater chance a particular member of the bridal party might not get photographed. Photos of the complete bridal party will take longer as there are more people to organize and pose.

A larger bridal party will make your wedding ceremony longer. Each couple will have to walk up and down the aisle. It will also take longer for the bridal party to move from sitting in a pew to standing at the altar and the reverse. At your reception, it will take longer to introduce your bridal party and you will need a larger head table which might mean a larger banquette room/hall.

Between the hair, makeup, bridal party gifts, limo, and hotel rooms, a larger bridal party can cost thousands more than a smaller one. Five minutes here, ten minutes there and suddenly you've lost hours organizing, moving and photographing the extra members of a bridal party on your special day.

Howard Kier, Certified Professional Wedding Photographer

Magical Moments Photography


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Juliet29 Posts : 9 Registered: 5/6/11
Re: Too many bridesmaids...help!
Posted: May 7, 2011 1:27 AM Go to message in response to: LF

If you wanted to keep it more subtle you could just give them a little corsage to wear around their wrist??

OR you could tell them all that you want them all, but it's just too much, so you are going to randomly draw two/three names out of a hat - and whoever is drawn will represent all nine of them as bridesmaids.

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DeniseRose Posts : 40 Registered: 5/10/11
Re: Too many bridesmaids...help!
Posted: May 10, 2011 4:50 AM Go to message in response to: LF

My step-mom has like 20 best friends. For her wedding to my dad they had only family in the wedding party but she got flowers for all her zillion best friends. She surprised them on the day and they were all happy.

Another friend of mine had three best friends and was at a loss as to how to pick the MOH and asked them to decide and I think they ended up drawing names out of a hat but they were all jolly about it. I know your friends come in groups. Could you ask each group to pick one girl to represent them?

If your girlfriends will have to spend money and then not stand up with you I think that's a problem but if you can pay their expences and you want to honor them and they want to wear matching dresses then seems to me like they can sit for the ceremony. My husband and I paid for everything for our attendents. But if they are paying, seems like they should get to stand up with you.

If they are not going to be traditional bridesmaids, maybe you could call them something else... Lovely Ladies (as you said) or Bride's Posse (sp?)

Daisypath Anniversary tickers

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KingsQueen13 Posts : 18 Registered: 4/28/11
Re: Too many bridesmaids...help!
Posted: May 13, 2011 12:23 AM Go to message in response to: LF

This is pretty much the problem I'm having as well...As far as bridesmaids go, I have 4 sisters and 2 best friends, with a possible 7th being one of my FH's female friends. My FH has 8 or 9 groomsmen which is made up of his friends and my brother. He doesn't want to cut it down and I already think 7 is too many on my side, so I really don't want to add on. The dilemma with my line, is with the exceptions of my BFF's, they're all my sisters, and my family is soooooooooooooooooo not the "Its ok if we're not in it" type. I can't kick his friend out because that was the compromise to have my brother in his line... complicated indeed. I feel your pain.

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: Too many bridesmaids...help!
Posted: May 13, 2011 12:51 AM Go to message in response to: MagicalMomentsP...

Howard, I'm so glad you posted this! I had 8 BM's (well 7 on W-day, so I planned and paid for everything with 8) and when I chose all my BM's I didn't even think of the cost, and it was difficult when it came to the budget! One great example was my flower budget, the BM bouquets alone ate up most of it, but luckily I was able to make it work with something simple, yet elegant and while I can't remember the exact numbers, I think I ended up saving at least $50 per bouquet, which added up to alot when it comes to 8!

Another expensive thing was the RD. With us having a bridal party of 17 (including all BM, GM, FG, and RB) that quickly adds on to your headcount. You include spouses/s.o's and parents of FG & RB, that easily gets you to almost 40, plus us, and our families now your looking at almost 60, and that's just keeping it to the bare-minimum of who must be invited. DH and I knew from the beginning we didn't need anything pricey, we just wanted to have food for everyone for after the rehearsal, so we did a small dinner at his moms house. It could've easily been $1,000 if we had it at a restaurant.

If I was to go back, I definitely still would have the same 7 girls standing up for me, but I do wish I would have thought of the costs sooner just so I could've planned further ahead with my budget, and DH and I could've put away more money for the wedding.

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Re: Too many bridesmaids...help!
Posted: Sep 12, 2012 10:03 AM Go to message in response to: LF

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