How Should I Feel About This...?

Online Users: 1,325 guest(s), 2 user(s). Replies: 6

MaryMcGwen Posts : 19 Registered: 4/27/10
How Should I Feel About This...?
Posted: Apr 6, 2011 6:49 PM

I don't know how to feel about this...

I got engaged about 8 months before one of my best friends (in fact she is one of my bridesmaids).

My wedding date was set and of course she knew about it. Now, after getting engaged herself, my friend has set her date for two weeks before mine.

I don't know how to feel about this. Initially I was upset thinking... she has the whole summer and she chose to sneak in two weeks before mine! But, then I stepped back and thought... well yes, but I can't reserve the whole summer... of course there will be other weddings around mine.

Am I being over-emotional or under-emotional?! Advice please.

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: How Should I Feel About This...?
Posted: Apr 6, 2011 7:40 PM Go to message in response to: MaryMcGwen

Dear Mary,

"Am I being over-emotional or under-emotional?! Advice please."

You are being a normal human being. Congratulations.

It is normal to want the days and weeks around your wedding to be devoted to you only. Everyone feels that way.

However, that's not possible. Life goes on. Other things, besides weddings, take place in the days close to your wedding.

We often say here "You get a day." That means you don't get an entire week, an entire month, an entire year. You get a day. If your friend scheduled her wedding for the same day, then yes, speak up. Two weeks before? Bummer, but you just need to suck it up and live with it.

The only thing you really need to discuss with your friend is her availability on your W-Day. Will she be back from her honeymoon in time for your shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner and the wedding itself?

Think in terms of Private Thoughts and Public Expression. In your own private thoughts, you are plenty ticked off. You can imagine pouring buckets of rain on her W-Day and bright sunshine on your own. You can imagine her cake falling over. You can imagine worse.

Your Public Expression must be that of a woman happy to get married and happy for her her friend.

Besides, while she's still in her post-wedding glow ("Wasn't I just really beautiful?"), no one will be paying attention to her. They'll be focused on you.

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MGK622 Posts : 3 Registered: 4/7/11
Re: How Should I Feel About This...?
Posted: Apr 7, 2011 5:29 PM Go to message in response to: MaryMcGwen

I think you've gone through the normal process. At least, its how I would react so I think its normal! Normal to be miffed about it, but you've talked yourself down rationally.

However this is how I prefer to look at it: its way better to be the second one getting married! Because while people are at her wedding, they'll still be awaiting yours and asking you questions about yours! Catty? Maybe a little. But its the truth. If I were her, I would've picked 2nd. I would want to have the last "word." :)

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: How Should I Feel About This...?
Posted: Apr 9, 2011 9:38 AM Go to message in response to: MaryMcGwen

MMG - I also agree with the PPs. It's normal, you're OK, just don't act upon it.

I would verify with her that she'll still be able to do your wedding.

She may not be available for some things you may have planned - it depends on what type of bride you are.

Also, I don't know if you mentioned being in HER wedding. You may want to think twice, again depending on her BM 'requirements'.

You are going to want to focus on your wedding and it may be hard if there are lots of plans for hers.

Just something to think about.

 

 

 

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HananaBanana Posts : 11 Registered: 3/3/11
Re: How Should I Feel About This...?
Posted: Apr 16, 2011 3:53 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I personally would be annoyed- especially since if it was me 2wks before, I would most likely be on my honeymoon for your wedding.

I think given she knew your date, is in your wedding, it is a bit of a thunder stealer. But you can't do anything about it, so I would let it go, but it would suck a bit and I would be hurt.

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: How Should I Feel About This...?
Posted: Apr 16, 2011 8:03 PM Go to message in response to: HananaBanana

There could be many reasons that she chose that date, and they don't all lead to her being a thunder-stealer. Maybe the venue she wanted was only available then, or maybe she received a huge discount? Maybe the couple has other events during that summer and that was the only time that was best. Maybe family is able to come into town that weekend.

There are people out there that do try to steal other's thunder and make everything about them, but that's a small percentage of the population. Not everyone is out to make there life revolving around stealing the spotlight for others.

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swichwang34 Posts : 657 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: How Should I Feel About This...?
Posted: Sep 14, 2012 1:50 AM Go to message in response to: MaryMcGwen

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