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SIL as a bridesmaid?

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imaginarykiss995 Posts : 2 Registered: 3/21/11
SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Mar 21, 2011 7:49 PM

My fiance's sister and I do not get along AT ALL! She has done a lot and said a lot in the past, that we have tried to work out but she just repetitively did it again and again. We use to get along great but after everything happened and the things she has done and said I can't stand her. It so bad we live in the same house and we haven't spoken in months. I have no idea if I make her a bridesmaid in the wedding seeing as she is my finces only sibling, or if I should do what I want and just have her attend. I know it may not be right of me to say I want to exclude her, but at the same time, I am afraid if I inlcude her 1) there will be drama, since she is full of it. Or 2) I will hate any picture she is in since I cant stand her
What is your input?

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 854 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Mar 21, 2011 8:29 PM Go to message in response to: imaginarykiss995

A bridesmaid is a person who is important to you and who you want to stand by your side on your wedding day.

There is nothing that says that you should make your FSIL your bridesmaid. So don't.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Mar 21, 2011 9:36 PM Go to message in response to: imaginarykiss995

I'm with BTS. If you don't want her to stand up with you, don't have her.

IF your FH wants her to stand up with him, then he can.

 

 

 

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 616 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Mar 22, 2011 1:21 PM Go to message in response to: imaginarykiss995

I wouldn't include her. She doesn't like you, therefore she has no excuse to be offended if you don't ask her. You ask people who support you, and your relationship with your FH. Obviously she doesn't support you.

I found out my SIL's true feelings about me too close to our wedding, and trust me, if I would've known how she really felt about me when I asked her to be a BM, I definitly would have not asked her. On your wedding day you want to be surrounded by people who love and care about you, just because she's going to be your SIL doesn't mean you need to front about being close with her.

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Aunt Posts : 796 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Mar 22, 2011 7:44 PM Go to message in response to: imaginarykiss995

Dear IK,

What does your FH say about his sister?

If he's super-close to her and takes any insult to her as an insult to him, then I'd say you've got big problems ahead.

If he realizes his sister is a problem, and understands why you don't want her as a bridesmaid and is willing to back you up to complaining family members, then great.

Do not ask her to be a bridesmaid, under the circs you outlined in your message. You'll just be miserable.

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imaginarykiss995 Posts : 2 Registered: 3/21/11
Re: SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Mar 22, 2011 8:36 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

Thank You Ladies, I will definitely keep all of your advice in mind.

My Fiance and her use to to be really close but as of the last few months, they barely speak. She drinks A LOT which we don't like, especially with having our toddler in the same house. She doesn't want us to get married either, so I feel that it will just cause Drama, at dress fitting and wedding planning outings. There is definitely tension when we are int he same room also. Everyone knows we cant stand each other also. My only problem, even though my fiance and her barely speak is that I feel he still wants her in the wedding because every time I talk about my wedding party he throws his sister in there if I don't mention her.

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Aunt Posts : 796 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Mar 22, 2011 8:50 PM Go to message in response to: imaginarykiss995

Dear IK,

" My only problem, even though my fiance and her barely speak is that I feel he still wants her in the wedding because every time I talk about my wedding party he throws his sister in there if I don't mention her."

Then you need to discuss this with FH in detail and come to an agreement. You can blow off others who interfere with your wedding. You can't blow off the groom.

No groom, no wedding.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Mar 22, 2011 8:55 PM Go to message in response to: Aunt

And if he wants her in the WP he CAN HAVE HER ON HIS SIDE.

That's always an option.

 

 

 

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 854 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Mar 22, 2011 9:56 PM Go to message in response to: imaginarykiss995

It's not up to your fiance to decide who stands on your side for the wedding. That's supposed to be your support group and people you really care about. That's the point.

As Pharm said, if he desperately wants her involved he can have her stand beside him.

I would have a talk to your fiance about that.

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CatStandish Posts : 2,767 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Mar 22, 2011 10:39 PM Go to message in response to: imaginarykiss995

I am with the others... if he needs her in the wedding party, she can be a grooms woman. He does not get to dictate who stands on your side.

Now...while we say this, this is an important caveat...a VERY IMPORTANT CAVEAT.

If you do not want him dictating your side, you CAN NOT dictate his side. So if you have a brother you want in the WP, he's got to stand with you. This is not negotiable. :)

Misty

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chris42005 Posts : 89 Registered: 4/6/10
Re: SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Mar 24, 2011 6:28 PM Go to message in response to: imaginarykiss995

Offer a compromise to the groom. Offer her a "job" or something/reading in wedding. That way she is a part of the wedding but not standing with you. Or he can have her stand with him. Or nothing.

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