Wedding plans changed

Online Users: 0 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 7

TheGuest Posts : 3 Registered: 3/9/11
Wedding plans changed
Posted: Mar 9, 2011 11:37 PM

I know this is an old post but I have a relevant question and would really like some advice.

I had planned on throwing a shower for a bride but recently she called me to let me know she and her fiance have changed their large wedding to a small family only ceremony out of state and a large reception to follow on the date of the original wedding date.

Do I still throw the shower? The bride tells me that the reception guest list will include all of the original list.

If I'm leaving out a detail that would help answer my question please let me know

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Wedding plans changed
Posted: Mar 10, 2011 9:38 AM Go to message in response to: TheGuest

Dear TG,

Let me get this straight.

Original plan: Big in-town wedding, nice reception, you throw a shower for various female wedding guests.

New plan: Family-only out of town wedding, followed by big in-town reception. What to do about the shower?

My best advice would be to analyze the Spoiled Brat-i-ness of the bride. Is she the type who just naturally expects people to be willing and eager to give her piles of presents, even though she does not see fit to allow them the honor of witnessing her actual marriage vows?

Or, is the bride a really nice person, always doing things for others, never thinking about herself, who has changed her wedding plans so Dying Grandmother, in a distant town who cannot travel, can witness the vows?

If it's the former, the skip the shower. The latter, dig deep into your pockets for an extra-nice shower.

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TheGuest Posts : 3 Registered: 3/9/11
Re: Wedding plans changed
Posted: Mar 10, 2011 12:15 PM Go to message in response to: Aunt

She's a really sweet girl and her fiance is the son of a very dear friend. Their whole family is sweet and always doing things for other people.

When she called to let me know about the change of plans she was calling in a way that made me think she no longer expected a shower. I didn't know if I could still give one for her since I nor the other guests that would have been invited to the shower would be attending the wedding but only the reception.

Do you think the other guests would still want to attend a shower?

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Wedding plans changed
Posted: Mar 10, 2011 12:25 PM Go to message in response to: TheGuest

Dear TG,

Why not call a few and ask them to tell you, honestly, how they feel about it?

"Hello, I am unsure on whether or not it would still be appropriate to throw a shower for Suzie. What are your feelings on this?"

"Suzie is a darling girl and I would love to attend a shower in her honor. She's always gone out of her way to be good to my grandmother, and I'd love to do something nice for her in return."

or

"I don't want to sound mean, but I think it's sort of poor etiquette to expect a shower when you have your wedding off in some distant town."

After you talk to a few potential guests, people that you trust not to go blabbing it around town, you'll have a better idea of what to do.

If you get one real negative response but a lot of other positive responses, then just don't invite Nelly Negative.

Because I don't know the bride and I don't know where she ranks on the Brat-O-Meter, it's hard for me to say. Asking a few other people on the QT might be the best way to go.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Wedding plans changed
Posted: Mar 10, 2011 12:43 PM Go to message in response to: TheGuest

Or you can go with your gut in the sense that it sounds like you think it sounds like an unfortunate change in plans and she's not feeling 'entitled'.

Someone who doesn't want to come can always decline.

My gf got married in New Orleans - on the spur of the moment after having been engaged for ages - we threw her a quick shower/bachelor party. None of us thought anything of not being invited.

Granted that wasn't a large group, but if you think it's something you'd still like to do, I'd go for it.

 

 

 

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08divabride Posts : 831 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: Wedding plans changed
Posted: Mar 10, 2011 2:13 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I personally would still attend the shower if the wedding was in another city. I'm getting a gift because I'm happy for her, and I wish her well. Not because I feel like I'm entitled to attend her wedding.

JMO.

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chris42005 Posts : 89 Registered: 4/6/10
Re: Wedding plans changed
Posted: Mar 10, 2011 4:34 PM Go to message in response to: TheGuest

You could make it a stock the pantry or recipe type thing instead of the more traditional bridal shower gifts.

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Kimberly212 Posts : 972 Registered: 9/12/12
Re: Wedding plans changed
Posted: Sep 12, 2012 1:11 PM Go to message in response to: TheGuest

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