Dangerously Close to Bridezilla?

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Azzura Posts : 21 Registered: 5/31/09
Dangerously Close to Bridezilla?
Posted: Mar 5, 2011 9:35 AM

I have been engaged two years now. A good friend of mine got engaged a year after me and booked her wedding for a month after mine. I am fine with this. I know that I do not get to claim the year. Problems arise due to the fact that we are in each others weddings. In hindsight, I should have said that I can't be in her wedding. I don't feel that I can back out now.

Since my wedding was planned first, all of the dates for my events were set a long time ago. These dates were given to my friends bridesmaids so that they could plan accordingly. At the time I did not know the dates for my events as I wanted to be surprised.

My wedding is on July 8th. We agreed that her shower would be the first weekend in June. I was then told that her bachelorette party will be the third weekend in June. This concerned me because it is very close to my wedding and I need some weekends in June to get some of the final plans done. I let that sit and tried not to worry about it.

My friend then told me that my bachelorette party is the second weekend in June. At first I was just upset that she told me the date because I didn't want to know. Now I am looking at my calendar and panicking. Not only do I feel stressed that three weekends in June are now gone, I feel hurt that her BM booked events for the weekends before and after my bachelorette. I don't know if I am being a baby, but I wanted be thinking about my wedding on the month before, not hers. I now feel like my bachelorette is squeezed between her events.

I have worked hard to get things done early so that I can enjoy the time right before my wedding. June is now taken over with her events. I feel a bit like her wedding events are stealing my thunder. I do know that this is childish, but it is how I feel. I want it to be clear that I am not upset with the bride for anything other than spilling the beans on my date.

My question is, can I ask her MOH to change the date of the bachelorette party explaining that I will be too busy so close to my wedding? Am I being the dreaded bridezilla about this?

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Dangerously Close to Bridezilla?
Posted: Mar 5, 2011 10:00 AM Go to message in response to: Azzura

My question is, can I ask her MOH to change the date of the bachelorette party explaining that I will be too busy so close to my wedding? Am I being the dreaded bridezilla about this?

You can always ask. But I don't see with your wedding being right around the corner that they'll be able to find a better weekend.

So, you may have to consider not participating in her bachelorette party or only participating in some of it. Is it an all weekend event? Can you pare back on some of it?

And yes you get one day, but it's easy to panic when you see the weekends piling up and know that you also probably over extended yourself by agreeing to be in her wedding.

If you do talk to her MOH, I would just stress that you have tons to do and you're panicking a little too about the time frame.

You obviously entitled to feel how you feel, but as long as you are careful about how you publicly express it, you're fine.

 

 

 

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Dangerously Close to Bridezilla?
Posted: Mar 5, 2011 11:18 AM Go to message in response to: Azzura

I'm with PTG on this. You're not upset because you want to whine that it's MY DAY. You're freaking out because you see a lot of precious time really close to your own wedding being consumed and you don't have control over it.

It is not really unreasonable to see if HER bachelorette stuff can be moved to after your wedding. Afterall, your bachelorette stuff is what...two/three weeks prior to yours? (Could be she's trying to get these things done then just so that she can have the month before her wedding clear for last minute details)

Another option: maybe you can ask if YOUR bachelorette stuff can be moved to May, thus freeing up a weekend in June.

Again, your attitude is not bridezilla. You need to have the time to handle the last minute stuff that needs handled... or that pops up just to freak you out (stuff does that. And when you have the time to deal with it, it's not an issue...but when you do not, then it is.)

I know you're upset about finding out the dates of things, because you want to have them be a surprise, but truly, that close to your wedding, you don't have time for surprises in your life. Wouldn't you hate to have plans to work on something on Sunday, only to be whisked away after work Friday night for a full weekend event and have no time to do what you needed to get done? Let what they are DOING be your surprise. You need to know when so you can plan accordingly.

Misty

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Dangerously Close to Bridezilla?
Posted: Mar 5, 2011 2:58 PM Go to message in response to: Azzura

dear Azzura,

I think you have two problems.

First, your desire to be surprised does not work with a jam-packed schedule. If you want to attend all her parties and be ready for all your parties, plus conduct your regular life and deal with last minute details, I think you are going to have to let go of being surprised.

Find out when your parties are scheduled, get her parties, then sit down with a calendar and see how it looks. If you have to not attend one of her parties, then so be it.

Second, you are absoultely right in that it Bridezilla thinking to claim the entire month before your wedding. You get a day.

You can be upset as you like in your Private Thoughts, but your Public Expression must be that of a woman looking forward to her own wedding and happy for her friend.

I truly don't blame you for being upset. However, you really need to keep it to yourself. Consider it good training for marriage and possible motherhood.

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Azzura Posts : 21 Registered: 5/31/09
Re: Dangerously Close to Bridezilla?
Posted: Mar 6, 2011 9:30 AM Go to message in response to: Azzura

Ladies,

Thank you for your responses. I am such a planner, which is what makes this difficult for me. I sat down with my calendar and decided to book the appointments that I can now, my dress fittings. It turns out that my final fitting has to be the same day as my friends bachelorette party. The salon is not open the week of my wedding. That made my decision for me. I told her MOH and hope that the date can be changed as nothing fot the Bachelorette is set in stone yet. If not I understand and hope my friend understands why I can't attend. I don't want to hurt her feelings.

Again, thank you for listening and responding. I needed to get my thoughts down with honest opinions.

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Dangerously Close to Bridezilla?
Posted: Mar 6, 2011 10:32 AM Go to message in response to: Azzura

Dear Azzura,

I think you have the right attitude.

Let me suggest that this is good training for the rest of your life. I am the mother of twins. I had to learn, early, that You Can't Do Everything.

I knew other moms who tried to Do Everything. I just could not. I had to set priorities and let some semi-important things slide off the table when I only had time and energy for really important things.

If you cannot attend your friend's bachelorette party because of committments you have, then so be it.

"I don't want to hurt her feelings. "

Sure, but she hurt your feelings by scheduling her wedding so close to yours. If you can suck it up and realize that sometimes that's just the way things happen and move forward with a smile on your face, then so can she.

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