Guest Problem.. Please help!!

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FutureMrsM Posts : 8 Registered: 7/27/10
Guest Problem.. Please help!!
Posted: Feb 15, 2011 9:49 AM

I am having a problem making a decision and I am starting to stress myself out over this problem that I am having...

Ok this is kind of long so I apologize in advance!

Fiance and I got engaged 7-11-10, just over 7 months now. We have made our guest list and as of right now we are 25ish people over what we originally budgeted for, so we have decided friends and co-workers will not be getting a plus one.

Here's my problem and this is going to sound like petty high school drama, and that is why I am stressing out.

Our friend L just recently started dating his now fiance P. At the time the two started dating P told L she was pregnant with her ex-bf's child. L accepted the situation, has decided to raise the child as his own and also decided to propose to P all in the 4-5 short months they have been dating. L&P's wedding is this upcoming may and FI and I are invited...here is my problem...L&P have both assumed that P is invited to FI and I's wedding, which is not at all the case. She has only recently come into the picture in the past few months,everything with the two of them has moved extremely fast and I feel as if I do not know this girl very well, and I do not think that she should be invited, especially because I am already over budget and we are trying to cut corners in other ways. I sent out my save the dates on the early side due to many out of state family and friends invited, and P had stated to another friend of ours that she and L received their save the date. Her name was not included on the address of the envelope or anywhere else.

I am really at a loss here and I do not know what to do. Do I pull L aside and explain my situation as to why I can not invite her, before it gets even closer to the wedding date?

I do not think it would be fair to allow his FI, will be wife at the time of my wedding, to be invited and not let our other friends and co-workers have a plus one.

I also know the type of person L is and if he does not see the situation the way that I do, he will simply not show up to the wedding and I of course do not want that to happen.

SO ladies, please help me.

Do I pay the extra for her to be invited to save myself from unnecessary drama from L&P and hurt feelings of friends and co-works that can not bring dates?

Do I have the conversation with L and see what happens?

I am so lost and so stressed over this situation!

Thank you in advance for all of your help!

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Guest Problem.. Please help!!
Posted: Feb 15, 2011 10:28 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsM

The rule would be No ring, no bring.

She has a ring, therefore she should be invited. If I was engaged - no matter the circumstances and my fiance or husband was not invited - I would politely decline and then end the friendship. No ifs, no buts.

We didn't invite plus ones - we used the 'No ring, no bring' more or less. I have friends whom I am close with and I'm not that close with their fiance/es or spouses, but I would have NEVER not invited them. (Or a couple in a same sex relationship as they don't have as many marriage options.)

EDIT: And as far as everyone else - it's not their business. If anyone asks, explain - no ring no bring.

Edited by: PharmToxGirl on Feb 15, 2011 10:29 AM

 

 

 

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FutureMrsM Posts : 8 Registered: 7/27/10
Re: Guest Problem.. Please help!!
Posted: Feb 15, 2011 10:31 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Thats a good way to look at it! thank you , very much apperciated

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Guest Problem.. Please help!!
Posted: Feb 15, 2011 10:53 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsM

You are welcome!

 

 

 

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Guest Problem.. Please help!!
Posted: Feb 15, 2011 12:22 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsM

dear Mrs M,

Pharm is right. The rule is No Ring No Bring.

Established couples MUST repeat MUST be invited together to a mixed-sex social event. You do not invite a husband without a wife.

Established couples include:

-Married
-Publically engaged (not just a private secret understanding but a public announcement and/or ring)
-Englightened people such as myself include same-sex living-as-married people who do not have the legal option of actual marriage.
-Not really a "couple", but an elderly or handicapped person who needs a helper when going out should be invited with that helper.

Optional couples include (according to your beliefs and your budget)

-Long term living-together
-Long term dating

Very optional:

-Short term dating

I would leave them out if I were you:

-A one-time date where there is nothing more than a casual friendship and the date is someone unknown to you. In other words, I do not like the "And Guest" type invitation. Why should you, on a tight budget, pay to entertain someone else's guest?

Bottom line: Forget the circs of this engagement and marriage and sexual history of the wife. They are engaged and will be married by your W-Day. You really have no choice. You must invite them both.

Finally, the only exception to No Ring No Bring would be if one half of the couple is for some reason particularly odious. It has to be a very serious issue, like conviction for child molestation and a court order to not be in the presence of children. Your personal dislike is not reason enough.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Guest Problem.. Please help!!
Posted: Feb 15, 2011 12:36 PM Go to message in response to: Aunt

I meant to mention that I did OF COURSE invite my aunt and 'uncle'. He's been in our family since I can remember, but they aren't married.

But in 30+ years he's been in my life and I can't imagine getting married without including him.

 

 

 

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Guest Problem.. Please help!!
Posted: Feb 15, 2011 12:50 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Dear PTG,

"I meant to mention that I did OF COURSE invite my aunt and 'uncle'. He's been in our family since I can remember, but they aren't married. "

Your wedding, totally your choice. Great.

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