PICKING BRIDESMAIDS - dilemma.. PLEASE HELP

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jwilson Posts : 1 Registered: 12/20/10
PICKING BRIDESMAIDS - dilemma.. PLEASE HELP
Posted: Dec 20, 2010 11:07 PM

hey guys!

I need some major help..

my cousin/best friend grew up together.. we were BEST FRIENDS. We did everything together.. so blah, blah, blah.. years pass... and I am dating my future fiance, we break up.. not 'on a break', like seriously broken up. They slept together one time they had been drinking. Its a little awkward to be with both of them at the same time (not like that..)

SHOULD I ASK HER TO BE ONE OF MY BRIDESMAIDS?

  • i think her feelings may be hurt if I don't.
  • my other best friend said she acted like a diva in her wedding and tried to make everything about her.
  • she will also be planning the wedding

any thoughts, suggestions?

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: PICKING BRIDESMAIDS - dilemma.. PLEASE HELP
Posted: Dec 21, 2010 10:41 AM Go to message in response to: jwilson

Dear JW,

"i think her feelings may be hurt if I don't. "

Tough. What about YOUR feelings seeing them in the same room?

Unless your cousin comes up with a sincere, and I mean prize-winning sincere, apology, I would distance myself from her.

I can only but assume your FH has already done his share of groveling, or else he wouldn't be a FH to you.

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Purple2Be Posts : 3 Registered: 12/17/10
Re: PICKING BRIDESMAIDS - dilemma.. PLEASE HELP
Posted: Dec 21, 2010 11:00 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Yeah I agree - this is your wedding, your one special day where it can be all about you and you don't have to worry about anyone else. From what you've said I would really suggest not asking her to be a bridsemaid. It sounds like she'll be involved enough in planning it and everything, so there's no need to have her up there, you'll just be thinking about how you're standing between the two of them and the one time when there wasn't anything in between the two of them! Sorry to be harsh but I really think that's the best idea :) Congrats on your engagement though!!

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: PICKING BRIDESMAIDS - dilemma.. PLEASE HELP
Posted: Dec 21, 2010 11:10 AM Go to message in response to: jwilson

It sounds like the sleeping together thing is in the past, and it happened while you were broken up (which means that he doesn't owe you an explanation at all, although she probably did). It sounds like you're over it, or else she wouldn't be so involved already in the planning.

Are you best friends now? If you have a good, strong relationship, and she's someone you wnat to see in pictures 20 years from now standing next to you on your wedding day, go ahead and ask.

If not, let it be. You can do whatever you want.

One word of caution -- if she's a diva, though, don't expect her to not be one just cause she's a BM. Women do not get personality transplants just cause they're asked to be in a wedding.

Don't get me wrong -- I had diva bridesmaids. It's just that I've always loved them, warts and all, so it was fine by me.

__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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WellWisher Posts : 175 Registered: 1/2/10
Re: PICKING BRIDESMAIDS - dilemma.. PLEASE HELP
Posted: Dec 21, 2010 5:00 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

Let me get this straight.

Your cousin
a) was your best friend, then
b) got drunk and slept with your ex (who does that? Even if you're totally sloshed you can think, "Gee, that would be a bad idea." She's related to you for Pete's sake!)
c) was a "diva" at your friend's wedding because she tried to make everything about HER

And you want this woman to not only participate in your wedding, but are contemplating being a bridesmaid?

This looks like the worst. idea. ever.

If I were you I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole, unless it was sharp at the end.

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dogbride Posts : 41 Registered: 4/22/10
Re: PICKING BRIDESMAIDS - dilemma.. PLEASE HELP
Posted: Dec 21, 2010 5:45 PM Go to message in response to: WellWisher

Don't do it.

There was one person that I did not ask to be in our wedding because I knew it would be a hassle. We did not have the incident that you experienced, but I knew that I didnt want her to be involved as it would be about her. Her feelings were hurt, but after I saw how drunk she was at our wedding AND later when I asked if she thought things went well she said, "eh, it was ok." it made me realize that I made the right decision.

But, if you are coming here for feedback, you already have the feeling that this is going to be a bad idea.

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carrie_beth Posts : 4 Registered: 9/4/10
Re: PICKING BRIDESMAIDS - dilemma.. PLEASE HELP
Posted: Jan 15, 2011 3:13 AM Go to message in response to: jwilson

I agree with some of the other posters here...

Is she someone you're really close to now? If so, maybe you should ask her. If not, don't feel obligated to ask her just because her feelings would be hurt. If her involvement is going to make you unhappy on your wedding day, then don't put yourself through that.

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Ashleycbhshtx Posts : 4 Registered: 1/20/11
Re: PICKING BRIDESMAIDS - dilemma.. PLEASE HELP
Posted: Jan 20, 2011 1:15 PM Go to message in response to: jwilson

Honey I will be completely honest with you. If I were you I wouldnt even feel comfortable in having her there. What she did to you is a terrible thing, and it shouldn't be taken lightly. If she were to throw a fit after telling her she cant be the bridesmaid, you remind her, hey, you're the one who messed up, be thankful you're even coming to my wedding. If that is what you decide to do. But best wishes and good luck to you and your FH hun!

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jackson132 Posts : 1,623 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: PICKING BRIDESMAIDS - dilemma.. PLEASE HELP
Posted: Dec 24, 2012 4:03 PM Go to message in response to: jwilson

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