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Getting harder to bite my tongue!

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chrissybear90 Posts : 35 Registered: 2/27/10
Getting harder to bite my tongue!
Posted: Jan 8, 2011 8:06 PM

Ok so first off I want to say hello to everyone again. I haven't been on much because my computer crashed a week before our wedding!

Now lets get into it! About a year before my husband and I were going to get married his car broke down and he decided to buy a car from his brother. The agreement was a hundred dollars a month until the car was paid off.

Three days after the wedding we went to return a few rental items that we had left his brother in charge of. I guess he had a little post wedding party after we left(when we left he was sober) and he ended up breaking two pillars. They were a hundred dollars each to replace. Now BIL knew he broke them and didn't have the money to replace them. Now we make decent money but that put us over the edge on a bit and we had other bills to pay so we told them that we weren't paying the car payment...

On top of that my SIL who mainly drove the car before we bought it rode the car like she was in Nascar and never had anything checked when it broke. Every two months we've put something into this car (including this month). When I talked to the mechanic he basically said that someone just let the car go pretty much and it needed some love.

It's been two months and every time I talk to my SIL she has to throw it in our face that we didn't pay for two month. Its getting to be rude. I've stepped back and let my husband deal with it because it is his family. Now my MIL is starting to get involved because we have yet to pay them. I almost want to scream well when BIL broke those pillars he took the car payment with em. I'm not expecting them to wait forever, I know we are paying them this month I just figured that they would at least give us time to recover from the extras we had to pay for the past two months. Am I being unreasonable?

I'm your girl and your my man and were making plans,

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Getting harder to bite my tongue!
Posted: Jan 8, 2011 8:29 PM Go to message in response to: chrissybear90

No you are not being unreasonable. But you do need to bite your tongue. If it is brought up to you, tell them you are not discussing it. Get off the phone, hang up, I don't care.

Money is tight for everyone but unfortunately, not everyone has the same ideas of responsiblity that they should have.

Personally, I think your husband should tell his mother to mind her own business, but that's really between her and him.

So YES, you are right to be annoyed. And yes, you need to continue to bite your tongue.

And LEARN from this - never buy from a family member AGAIN.

Also, I suggest trying to figure out a way to PAY off the car ASAP.

Did they have a contract on the car? SAVE your receipts for the pillars.

 

 

 

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Aunt Posts : 796 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Getting harder to bite my tongue!
Posted: Jan 8, 2011 9:12 PM Go to message in response to: chrissybear90

Dear CB,

I feel for you.

You are doing the right thing by letting your husband deal with his family.

Here is my suggestion.

Sit down with your husband and plot out various financial scenarios. Use paper, pencil and a calculator.

Write down how much more you owe on the car, and when you think you can pay it off. Write down the extra cost you incurred with the broken rental items.

Figure out what is the best course of action for you both. One scenario might be to give/sell back the car and see if you can get another car from some other third party.

Once you and your husband have a clear idea of the finances and once the two of you are in agreement as to how you will proceed, let him deal with his family.

I know money has been really tight for you too. You are not alone, believe me. I guarantee you will get through this if you both make a plan you can live with and stick to the plan.

I was in your shoes, please believe me. In May, 1979, our total liquid assets were about four bucks. We incurred a bunch of unexpected expenses that wiped out our savings account. We had to buckle down, and work out way out of that hole. By 1981 we had enough to buy a house.

Trust me. Work out a plan and stick with it. You are not alone.

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chrissybear90 Posts : 35 Registered: 2/27/10
Re: Getting harder to bite my tongue!
Posted: Jan 14, 2011 12:21 PM Go to message in response to: Aunt

Sorry for the delayed response, had the worst flu ever.

Aunt-My husband and I sit down to create a budget every two weeks(every pay period). Whatever money is left(usually a few hundred) we split between savings and "mad money". The problem I guess I'm having is why no one seems to remember how hard these last few months have been on us between the car and those pillars. We emptied half of our savings into the car and spent all our "fun money" to replace the pillars. Normally I would just say cut and run you know, but we only have three hundred left on the car. As for my mother in law, she puts her two cents in no matter what we do. Last month my husband was sick, very sick and called into work, she threw a fit. She claimed that it made her look bad because she got him the job over six years ago! In those six years he's called in maybe four times.

Pharm- No contract on the car,I'm not too worried about them doing anything to take the car. Have the receipt for pillars saved with all the other wedding related receipts! As for doing business with family I know better but my husband claimed that this wouldn't happen.

Fighting back the urge to do the I told you so dance!

I'm your girl and your my man and were making plans,

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Getting harder to bite my tongue!
Posted: Jan 14, 2011 12:27 PM Go to message in response to: chrissybear90

Fight the urge - BUT if it ever comes up again, suggest that you would prefer not to based on past experience.

Pay it off as soon as possible and as for the MIL - he needs to tell her to mind her own business otherwise, it's just going to keep happening.

But he may also be like my DH - his mother doesn't bother him.

 

 

 

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chrissybear90 Posts : 35 Registered: 2/27/10
Re: Getting harder to bite my tongue!
Posted: Jan 14, 2011 12:33 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

LOL the urge is getting stronger! I'm a bit of a smart you know what so that is hard! I love his mom don't get me wrong, when I had issues with my mom and she threw me out(because I went out on a date with my then boyfriend) his mom took me in with no problem! We still live with her(more for her protection, alcoholic husband)which is nice because we can save our money to buy a home rather than rent. It's just hard because it seems like after the wedding she's trying to hold on to him harder and I feel like she should have let him go the second we said I do. Maybe I'll feel differently when I have kids?

I'm your girl and your my man and were making plans,

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Aunt Posts : 796 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Getting harder to bite my tongue!
Posted: Jan 14, 2011 12:48 PM Go to message in response to: chrissybear90

Dear CB,

I can't really tell you exactly what to do, except try your very best to get out from under debt. If that means cutting your "mad" money, cut it.

Once you own the car free and clear, you'll feel better. You'll have all your "mad" money and the car.

I really wish I could hold both your hands in mine, look into your eyes and tell you it will get better if you stick with your plan. It is very tough for you right now, I know. It will get better.

I am Future You. I know what I'm talking about. Make a plan and stick with it.

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Jjulian Posts : 3 Registered: 3/14/12
Re: Getting harder to bite my tongue!
Posted: Mar 20, 2012 12:27 PM Go to message in response to: chrissybear90

You are totally in the right. If I were you I would tell your BIL that since you had to spend $200 to repay HIS debt for breaking pillars then you are square. If he wanted that $200 maybe he should have been more careful, or less of a belligerent jerk.

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wzq103 Posts : 2,771 Registered: 9/11/12
Re: Getting harder to bite my tongue!
Posted: Sep 12, 2012 5:52 PM Go to message in response to: chrissybear90

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