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The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Jan 4, 2011 11:47 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Pharm, at least you will get useful gifts since you DONT know. I just got a TON of clothes at my shower and just a handful of useful items. So I defintely think if we didnt know then people would have no choice but to get stuff off the registry that are not clothes!

I even had to buy more clothes last week because she didnt have anything small for the winter.

Oh and I told my aunt and uncle over the weekend what her name is and again I got "WHAT?" 3 times and I had to spell it twice. UGH. I am starting to panic that this is going to keep happening and I've doomed my child to always having to spell her name for people. And that is not what I wanted.... But i have heard the name before, I dont know what so many haven't.

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Agape14 Posts : 201 Registered: 12/31/08
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Jan 4, 2011 11:49 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I'm sorry to hear about your friend Pharm. I hope the Memorial Service is a healing time for you.

Nat, I hope things are getting better for you now that you're on bedrest.

Our little bean seems to be doing well and I've finally entered the 2nd trimester (14.5 weeks now) so I'm starting to worry less. I still haven't gained any weight though and I only get a "food baby" in the evenings so I don't really look obviously PG yet. I'm really looking forward to having a real bump, hopefully soon!

 

 

~~Life's tough, wear a cup~~

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Jan 4, 2011 11:50 AM Go to message in response to: 08divabride

April 28th.

I had to specifically tell my husband not to tell his parents that I may have gestational diabetes because I knew I'd be sitting there ALL of Christmas with his Mom analyzing everything I put in my mouth. I hope it will get better with his brother and wife expecting in July (woohoo!) but his brother is better about being careful what they tell his parents.

And I feel bad sometimes, because she cares BUT she stresses me the hell out and pisses me off.

Had my appointment today. Have to go have baseline testing done for PIH. My blood pressure's high, not bad, but enough that they want some baseline measurements.

I'm just sitting here rather done in. I think it's just time for me to have a mini meltdown so I can get back to functioning.

 

 

 

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Jan 4, 2011 11:53 AM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

Pharm, at least you will get useful gifts since you DONT know. I just got a TON of clothes at my shower and just a handful of useful items. So I defintely think if we didnt know then people would have no choice but to get stuff off the registry that are not clothes!

Actually, this is what a number of people have told me happens. I think baby clothes are hard to resist. So you end up with a lot. :-) Though right now can I tell you how much I don't even want a shower. This might change in a day or two, or an hour, LOL but seriously, it's going to be more of a hassle then it is anything else. I sound like an ungrateful bitch, but I'm just frustrated.

NJ - It's a different name, BUT it's pronounced phonetically. She might have to spell it for people here and there, but it's not anything crazy. Even my Mom, an ex-school teacher who HATED names you couldn't pronounce when reading them - liked the name you are giving her. It will be fine.

 

 

 

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Agape14 Posts : 201 Registered: 12/31/08
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Jan 4, 2011 11:59 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I forgot to say, on the finding out/not finding out the sex, I'm on the fence now, when before I was adamant about wanting to know. I'm such a planner and I always need to have every possible scrap of info, but I'm not really being this way about the baby. Maybe motherhood is mellowing me out. Lol.

And I totally see your point Pharm about nudging people to think a bit outside the box for baby gifts instead of cute pink/blue outfits. At a friend's shower last year she got great useful stuff (nursing covers, breastfeeding aids, cloth diaper supplies, hand imprint mould for baby, etc) because no one knew the sex. And all the women with kids specifically got her things that they found useful during their first year as parents. If someone's buying me a gift, I'd much rather get stuff like that than clothes!

But now my task is convincing DH not to tell anyone when we do find out. He seems to think it's weird to keep it to ourselves. That will take lots of convincing I'm afraid...

 

 

~~Life's tough, wear a cup~~

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Jan 4, 2011 12:01 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Pharm, I used to call my DH Honest Abe b/c he always told his mom everything. Our weekend plans, and stuff going on with us. And she started using it against us sometimes. LIke if we got invited over and didnt feel like going he would say "oh we've been so busy every weekend, we just wanna hang here" and she wouild say something like "you said you did nothing last weekend". Or when DH helps my dad with something or vice versa, if his mom fnids out she always comments soemthing about DH never helping his dad with anything (which isnt true anyway). So after about a year of this I was like "dude there ntohing wrong with leaving stuff out sometimes so knock it the hell off". It's just easier to leave certain things out, and not have to hear it. I certainly don't tell my mom every single thing! And if he is going to tell his mom everyrthing, then thats his problem if he wants to hear the BS from her!

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Jan 4, 2011 12:20 PM Go to message in response to: Agape14

Agape - If we know we can't not tell anyone else. So we don't know. My Mom left today and I won't see her again until April 26(?) or so. She leaves for China, flies into Denver on the 25th and flies here on the 26th. She won't tell me even if I asked. LOL

NJ - I can tell my Mom everything, I don't because I don't see/talk to her a lot usually. BUT she doesn't use it against me. Also when my Mom gives a suggestion it's just that a suggestion. When his Mom 'suggests' things, it's done in a way to let you know that YOU are doing it WRONG.

And it would be great if she bothered him. BUT he's just like his Dad and can just shut it out. So I'm the ONLY one it bothers. (Well, it bothers his brother too but I don't talk to him about it.) And my DH can't understand why I let it bother me - well, I'm sorry, but I'm sick of being told that's the WRONG thing to do.

And when I say WRONG - I mean, 1) we're not finding out the sex of the baby - that's WRONG. 2) I'm having the baby at a different hospital from where she had both boys - that's WRONG. 3) I want to consider having a natural birth - that's WRONG and there's NO WAY I'll be able to do it. 4) I asked my husband to make a dish on Christmas - That was WRONG and she had to take it over and make it because HEAVEN F'ing forbid he have to make something. 5) We got married in NJ - This was WRONG and she acted like she was going to pass out at the dinner table because she was HORRIFIED about having to go to NJ for the wedding.

Oh but this one really made me mad on Xmas - His brother and wife are expecting - so NOW my DH is going to be an UNCLE because he's not an uncle to our niece and nephew that my brother have.... He's been in their life since they were 2 and 1 - do you think that makes a damn difference to those kids - she's damn lucky the kids weren't there to hear her say that. And I said something. F her. I said, he is an uncle. And she looked sort of put out and mumbled something about this being 'closer'. My DH talks to my brother MORE THAN he talks to HIS. They are not close. He knows more about my brother's life than he does his own brother's life. That one pissed me off. And she has NO clue what she said.

But I do need to let the things go. But it's not going to happen overnight and every time something else happens, it all comes back. Unfortunately, I have a very good memory. Sucks.

 

 

 

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Jan 4, 2011 12:31 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

It really sounds like you need to let stuff roll of your back more. My MIL has probably commented on almost the exact same things and I just think "what a kook" and go on. And then I will tell my mom or DH and we just laugh about it later. LIke when she said "WHy in the world is he DH wiping the dog off with a towel like that?!". And i was like "Umm so she doesnt drag mud all over your house..?" IDIOT! Or when she said we named our cats stupid names b/c those would have been great baby names (4 yrs ago before we were even married! AND I wouldnt name my baby either of those names anyway) Or over Christmas when I said not everyone circumsizes their baby boys anymore and she gave me an appalled look. I mean, whatever. I just chalk it up to ignorance. She is a nice woman and very helpful to us. But sometimes, she just believes one thing and assumes others do too. But if I really cared THAT much I'd be a mess 24/7. I have more important things to think about....thats just how I look at it.

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Agape14 Posts : 201 Registered: 12/31/08
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Jan 4, 2011 12:51 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Oh Pharm...Just switch out the details and you're talking about my MIL. I totally feel your pain!

Last week, we got into a tense discussion about something that happened in April 2006 that she's dead wrong about (I also have a fantastic memory, unfortunately for her), but keeps insisting happened differently than it did. I'm all for little people's differences roll off my back, but rudeness, lack of consideration, and bullying will get an immediate response from me. And she's a total bully.

Like your MIL, not taking her advice is being "disrespectful". And of course she has a lot of advice to give, about everything =) I generally stay out of the line of fire if I can help it, but when she starts picking on me or flat out lying about something I said or did DH will say something or I address it with her depending on the severity of the issue.

Oh, and my MIL shares the delusion about DH and his siblings. They NEVER talk, at least not about anything of importance. Their relationship is totally disfunctional (BIL is 2yrs older and claims that DH is so tall because he 'stole' all the milk when they were kids. He also will randomly lash out about DH not helping him pack when he was moving...in 2004. I can't make this ish up!), and MIL blames me because they were "so close before and she raised her children to be close". Lunatic...

I could go on...Anyway, the key for me in dealing with this has been to get DH to address it head on with his mother. Even if it's something he can ignore. Sentences like "mom, I realize that you're eager to help, but wifey would like to try this on her own/do this her own way" or "mom, wifey and i appreciate the offer/advice, but we've already decided to...", have been my salvation! It's been a slow training process, but he finally gets it, most of the time =)

 

 

~~Life's tough, wear a cup~~

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Jan 4, 2011 1:12 PM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

NJ - I know that to a point but at the same time that's how I am in day to day life - and we live NEAR them. It would be MUCH easier if we saw them less. Instead, he tells her I pulled a muscle on our birthday and we're staying in and I get a FREANTIC phone call from her. I know she was concerned, but I could have killed him.

And trying to 'let it roll off my back' while I'm 6 months pregnant is NOT going to happen. I'd just rather he NOT TELL HER SHIT.

And DH is clueless. He either isn't there when she says shit OR he's like that's my Mom and doesn't see it as an issue. And a lot of it shouldn't be - BUT if he was aware that she gets melodramatic and to involved in some things - it would help. INSTEAD I bottle it up.

One of the better times was when she decided that she would try to get him to tell her the sex of the baby and they just wouldn't tell me. She did that in front of me and he did tell her to just forget about it. But then he acts like she was totally joking and she wasn't.

 

 

 

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Jan 4, 2011 1:13 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

She already told me flat out that she WILL NOT keep her opinion to herself when it comes to how we're raising our kid.

I'm serious.

 

 

 

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Jan 4, 2011 1:31 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Well if you don't talk to your DH about it and let him know what HE needs to do, then you can really only blame yourself. Once DH saw how much certain things bothered me, and then he started realizing how I am his WIFE now, he really started to stand up for himself more. And especially once he stopped falling for her "You're a terrible son if you dont do X" speeches, he doesn't take the shit anymore or he just doesnt tell her certain things when he knows he will hear it.

I had a good conversation with my mom on Christmas about what I should do should my MIL try to be too overbearing with me and the baby at first. And I asked my mom "Do I just tell her I dont want her here, or anyone here?" And my mom said "you tell Chris to tell her and BE HONEST with him. If you don't want visitors, you don't want visitors. Then it's his job to tell HIS MOM". And I agreed. She is right. And I have NO DOUBT in my mind, he will back me up 100%.

I really think the baby is going to bring out your strong side and you will be able to tell her to back off more easily. You'll be a Mama Bear, protective over your young. And the same goes for my mom. If I don't want anyone over, I have no issues saying so, for example. And that goes for anything else the moms have to "offer" me. I already asked a neutral 3rd party to help me with nursing if I need it, so I dont have to get involved with my mom during that time.

Believe me I know things don't just roll off your back at this point in time...but I think there has to come a time where you have to realize that SHE isn't going to change, so YOU need to change YOUR reaction to her. I think that is from Dr. Phil.

As Jimmy Buffet says "if we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane"

And Agape-when you mentioned the brothers bringing up not helping him move in 2004, DH gets that too! "You didnt help your sister move 2 times now! In 5 years". OMG get over it. I had to laugh!

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Jan 4, 2011 1:40 PM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

HE DOESN'T GET IT. So talking to him about it just UPSETS ME.

I have talked to him about it and he just feels like it's his Mom and I'm over-reacting. Which I admit I can be! I ADMIT IT! But I also ADMIT she's rude as SHIT.

I've already been in tears twice today at work. So I'm done discussing this right now. It's completely counter-productive.

Trust me when I say - I'll end up telling her to go fuck herself when it comes to my kid. I won't be able to do anything polite or calm.

Edited by: PharmToxGirl on Jan 4, 2011 1:40 PM

Edited by: PharmToxGirl on Jan 4, 2011 1:42 PM

 

 

 

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Jan 4, 2011 2:07 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

To add - Right now too - I'm in a total funk. I'm not even sure 100% why - so these things get to me more right now then usual. If that makes any sense.

I don't know if it's holiday 'jet' lag, my Mom leaving, backlash from my friend dying, stress/worry over the baby (had more blood work today for PIH), or just a combination of all of the above - combined with a tendency to get down at times.... So I'm hyper sensitive and over-reactive (even over things that I sort of ignored/laughed at when they happened). This isn't entirely uncommon when I'm not pregnant, it's just not usually so severe. So I apologize if I took anyone's head off.

 

 

 

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Beeble Posts : 307 Registered: 11/19/09
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Jan 4, 2011 4:58 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Pharm: It's the hormones! lol I see the same in a lot of my other preggo friends. At least you ADMIT IT! = )

So a baby related wedding question for you all... figured this would be the best place to ask.

My FH and I are trying to choose a date. If we didn't have anything else to consider we would like to get married the first weekend in August. The things we have to take into account are, 1: my grandpa isn't doing so well anymore and we don't want to push things back too far, but 2: my Bro and SIL are having a baby and due mid June. So if we had the wedding beginning of August their LO would only be a month and a half old. Do you think that there would be a difference in them wanting to bring a 1.5 month vs a 2.5 month if we pushed back to September? I think trying to do it in May before they have their baby would just be too rushed... what do you think? I only have 1 sibling so I would really really like him to be there with his family.

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