Terrified of married sex life?

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crisco_inferno Posts : 5 Registered: 12/28/10
Terrified of married sex life?
Posted: Dec 28, 2010 11:54 PM

I know that I certainly am! Right now we have sex very regularly and are incredibly affectionate, and have always been.

But you know how they say the spark eventually goes out with marriage and others even say that marriage changes the man and they might turn to cheating.

okay okay I'm def getting ahead of myself here.

All I know if that I definitely get worried that when we're married, things will change negatively in the bedroom. Does anyone else share this fear or am I the only painfully paranoid bride-to-be out there?

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." ~Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally www.mywedding.com/chrissyandstefan

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Terrified of married sex life?
Posted: Dec 29, 2010 10:29 AM Go to message in response to: crisco_inferno

Oh lord. Talk about borrowing trouble.

Seriously, I was with my husband for nearly 6 years before we got married. Of course the regularity of sex CHANGED in those 6 years.

I doubt very much it has to do with marriage as it does with how long you've been together.

And ASSUMING that he'll be the one to cheat - sorry but I know just as many women who have strayed.

You're borrowing trouble instead of UNDERSTANDING that change is going to happen to a point.

Maybe you should get into some pre-marriage counseling.

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VšnTillBruden Posts : 353 Registered: 1/16/10
Re: Terrified of married sex life?
Posted: Dec 29, 2010 1:59 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Ditto, Pharm.

Sex lives change based on how old you and your partner are, how long you've been together, the amount of stress/other factors in your life, etc. It's a constantly evolving cycle. Having a ring on your finger has nothing to do with it.

So long as both partners are open in their communication about their desires & dislikes, and they both make a conscious effort to maintain their sex lives, they can keep happy & healthy intimacy going for decades.

Love me when I least deserve it, because that is when I need it the most. (Swedish proverb)

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Terrified of married sex life?
Posted: Dec 29, 2010 5:02 PM Go to message in response to: crisco_inferno

Dear CI,

" Does anyone else share this fear or am I the only painfully paranoid bride-to-be out there?"

Two words for you:

Marriage. Counseling.

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1luckybride Posts : 5 Registered: 12/26/10
Re: Terrified of married sex life?
Posted: Dec 29, 2010 6:02 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Sounds like a lot of wedding jitters. IDK if its enough to see a counselor over, I mean, there is so much negativity out there on how marriage changes people, that its hard not to get spooked. Frankly, if you are concerned about your sex life after marriage, make it a point to try and keep things constant and fun. Try new toys, new places, books and the like. The way to keep a sex life going is by constantly doing things to keep the spark alive. And look, you can worry about him cheating all day long but the bottom line is, no matter how much you worry, it wont stop him in the end. Being sweet and charming and not pestering him and accusing him of wanting to cheat will help though. So just relax hunny. I've also had the opposite happen...when my ex husband and I first got married after 5 years of dating, he started demanding sex, using the whole "youre my wife, its your job" reasoning. And this was when we were having sex 3 or 4 times a week! (Like I said, ex husband, and for a reason). Not trying to scare you here, I just want you to realize that ANYTHING could happen. You just have to have FAITH that its the good things that will happen, not the bad. Be happy and excited, remember, youre marrying the man of your dreams in just a few short months :)

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Terrified of married sex life?
Posted: Dec 29, 2010 6:42 PM Go to message in response to: 1luckybride

1 - If she's going into it paranoid convinced he's going to cheat on her - I think counseling is a good way to go.

Besides, marriage counseling is a good idea for everyone.

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crisco_inferno Posts : 5 Registered: 12/28/10
Re: Terrified of married sex life?
Posted: Dec 29, 2010 7:36 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I mean, I never said I suspect my particular husband to be will cheat. I merely suggested that it is something I have heard and naturally it has passed through my mind to have some sort of concern regarding it.

As I said in my original post, "I'm getting ahead of myself." And I of course did not expect or ask for any diagnosis and whether or not I am in need of pre-marital counseling.

I also see worry over a bride's future sex life to be something not just me, or a couple in trouble, would worry over.

Thanks for all the support! :)

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." ~Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally www.mywedding.com/chrissyandstefan

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Terrified of married sex life?
Posted: Dec 29, 2010 9:46 PM Go to message in response to: crisco_inferno

And since you are relying on this and that that you have heard, I really do suggest counseling because that is a way to talk about these things with a trained professional.

Relationships change and evolve because the people in them change and evolve.

I'm almost 6 months pregnant - there are times I groan at the thought of trying to be sexually intimate (gaseous, bloated and a baby kicking at your stomach are NOT conducive to intimacy) and others where it is something I want.

But I want the intimacy of touch, holding, love ALL of the time.

It's a change. It's an adjustment. You have to be prepared for change and adjustments.

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crisco_inferno Posts : 5 Registered: 12/28/10
Re: Terrified of married sex life?
Posted: Dec 29, 2010 9:57 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Quite accurate. But I am not "relying" on these notions as much as I am entertaining the idea of them. I am completely secure in my relationship and the man I am going to marry.

I appreciate your diagnosis, however as I said, I was merely looking to see if any other bride-to-be's had similar ideas.

thanks!!!!!

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." ~Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally www.mywedding.com/chrissyandstefan

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Terrified of married sex life?
Posted: Dec 29, 2010 11:06 PM Go to message in response to: crisco_inferno

I would say that the others who say that "marriage changes the man and he might turn to cheating" are full of shit, to put a not-too-fine point to it.

People cheat because of many reasons and "oops, I got married" is not one of them. Unhappiness, selfishness, whatever.

Will your sex life change? Yes.

Will your man (or you) turn to cheating? Impossible to tell.

Will the spark go out? Well, that depends on whether you stoke the fire or not.

*Don't take each other for granted.
*Talk to each other if there are problems.
*Pay attention to each other's moods
*Don't lie about your moods -- if you're unhappy, let your partner know, whether you're unhappy with each other or unhappy about other things. Don't pretend to be happy just because you don't want to worry each other.
*Have dates, court one another

Misty

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PolarIce Posts : 39 Registered: 12/17/10
Re: Terrified of married sex life?
Posted: Jan 8, 2011 3:51 PM Go to message in response to: crisco_inferno

The first thing I have to ask, is why are you worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet? I can't imagine the amount of stress I would be in, if I constantly worried about the things that MAY come all the time.

Everyone changes with time. You experience things, you share things, you see things, you feel things. As a human being you change with time, it's normal! there would be some serious issues you would be dealing with if you never changed.

Every part of your relationship will have to be worked on together. This is something past just your sex life. What you need to focus on and maybe think about, is your communication and all those things you want will always need to focus on and work on, those important things those sacred things couples share. As long as you keep those things strong, than the sex will always be great-but you can't focus straight on hoping your sex will be the same. It can't be good or the same, if the rest of your relationship with your partner doesnt remain great.

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Krysty Posts : 1 Registered: 1/9/11
Re: Terrified of married sex life?
Posted: Jan 9, 2011 9:03 AM Go to message in response to: crisco_inferno

There is an amazing book that I think you will really enjoy. I received this book as a gift and I am now telling all of my friends to READ IT before they get married!! It's a weird title, but look past it, it deals with soooo much more. It's called The PMS (Please Make Sense) Guide for Men. I recently found it on Amazon......it's a MUST READ

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Starfish512 Posts : 1 Registered: 1/16/11
Re: Terrified of married sex life?
Posted: Jan 16, 2011 11:20 AM Go to message in response to: crisco_inferno

Sex life only suffers if you let it. If you are still very active and affectionate and you've been together awhile, then you will probably be an affectionate couple throughout your life.

There is such a thing as pre-marriage counseling. And it is highly recommended since the divorce rate is so high. This kind of counseling goes over "the biggies" such as money, kids, in-laws, etc. It really teaches you how to handle big issues with grace, and lets you know how each other stands on each of these issues ex) do we want one bank account or two? My fiance and I are in the process of it now and it is wonderful. Just a suggestion!

But dont stress about the frequency of sex, that will add pressure!

Good luck with your marriage/life! and congrats on your engagement!

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Jachi Posts : 1 Registered: 2/10/11
Re: Terrified of married sex life?
Posted: Feb 10, 2011 7:07 AM Go to message in response to: crisco_inferno

I think it doesn't matter if you are married or just in a long term relationship. Sex frequency changes with the time. You get used to each other over time, there will be more responsibilities in your life...I guess it is absolutely natural development... but I also think there are different things you can do to "spice" your relationship. For instance, I buy new sexy clothes and lingerie time to time, create romantic atmosphere or try new things in sex.. If you do not now what to try, watch together with your partner The Lover's Guide..it is not a porn but an educational DVD, very popular in the UK...and it opens your eyes in many things you would not even think of....

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achilipepper Posts : 6 Registered: 3/7/11
Re: Terrified of married sex life?
Posted: Mar 7, 2011 4:03 AM Go to message in response to: crisco_inferno

I think you can do somethings to make the bedroom more fun.
For me, i am crazy about lingerie. i love going out dancing and slipping something new and exotic on underneath before we go. then we come back after a night out on the town, its on! LOL dont just go for a corset, try something different,
i love wearing things like this:

http://stores.buttercuplingerie.com/-strse-328/Darling-Pink-Babydoll/Detail.bok

or like this
http://stores.buttercuplingerie.com/-strse-259/sexy-lingerie-bra-set/Detail.bok

also something as simple as changing up your perfume and add a new angle.

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