The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Dec 4, 2010 12:45 PM Go to message in response to: Brooke051609

Brooke, I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your DH are in my thoughts. We're here for you if you need to post anything about what you're going through or how you're feeling.

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Brooke051609 Posts : 723 Registered: 12/31/07
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Dec 4, 2010 6:09 PM Go to message in response to: HappyGirl13

Thank you ladies. DH has been absolutely amazing. He's done everything possible to help me, he's so open talking, he's been so helpful. We are both sad, but know we will try again. The midwife said we could try after one cycle, that sounds so quick! I thought I had always heard 3 months, or maybe I'm thinking after BC. But we will just take time as it comes and see when good timing is.

I'm concerned with how I'm reacting. I'm sad yes, but I'm not hysterical. Is it because in the back of my mind I had this horrible feeling that this pregnancy might not work out? That something would be wrong? So did I inevitably prepare my mind for it? I did talk to the baby, but don't feel I bonded as deeply as I could have because I was afraid I might lost it. And I feel horrible for feeling that way. I got to see our baby, and was of course in awe until I heard it had no heartbeat. Of course at that time I was hysterical. Now I feel so sad that I didn't talk to it as much or bond with it as deeply. I pray it felt loved. Am I horrible for feeling this way? For being that way? Was I protecting myself too much and not being there for my baby more?

Then I'm so afraid that when we do decide to try again, will we have trouble? If not, will we miscarry again? I know these questions are probably normal, all the literature they gave us and them telling us that we can go on to have healthy pregnancies and babies with no problems is very likely. But still I have that fear. And then, I fear I will be hesitant to get too excited or bond with that baby for fear of losing it as well. I want to feel so joyous and excited, and not fearful or hesitant. How do you deal with that? I, of course, want to know exactly what went wrong this time? Was it nature taking care of itself and there was just something wrong? Could that happen again? Did I do something? Could I have done more? Better? Is there something I can do to prevent this from happening again? Logically, I know the answers to many of these questions, but still, I feel them.

I think I'm just finally letting this out. DH and I have been very open with each other about how we feel, but I haven't told him this yet. Thank you for letting me vent and listening to me. And thank you for all your thoughts and prayers, they do mean a lot!

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Dec 4, 2010 6:28 PM Go to message in response to: Brooke051609

Brooke - I know that ladies have been told one cycle or more to wait - I think it depends on you and your practitioner. My main thought would be your body will know when it's ready to be pregnant again, so if you start trying or NTNP and get pregnant, then your body is ready.

Your Mind and Heart being ready are two separate things I'm quite sure and I can't talk from personal experience, though I know there are some on here can so hopefully they'll chime in too.

Honestly, I don't feel as though I've bonded with my baby yet either - and I think it's because it's still early and I haven't yet felt it move. That's me.

I know that when my MIL miscarried she said when they got pregnant again she didn't want to buy anything for the baby - didn't tell anyone for a really long while, etc.

My understanding is that that is a very normal reaction.

Also, everyone responds differently to different things - so know that whatever you are feeling is OK because it's what you are feeling.

 

 

 

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Dec 5, 2010 7:17 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Brooke, we were given the OK to wait only one cycle. I had heard the 3-month rule but I asked my OB about it and she said to just go ahead and try. Garrett was conceived about one month later or so.

As far as your other questions, I would say for your next try you should do whatever would give you the most peace whatever may happen, so that you know you tried your best and can't guilt yourself over things.

For example, with Garrett, I only allowed myself a cup of decaf per day with just a hint of caffeine, and I allowed myself more than a sip of wine here and there only after week 24. That was a shift from what I did from the first pregnancy. That's not to judge anyone else's choices on here--it's personally what I had to do to give myself as few doubts as possible about whether it was something I had done if anything had happened with Garrett. I also saw a fertility specialist briefly because I was spotting through week 16 and wanted to make sure I was doing everything I could to keep the pregnancy. That's probably unnecessary in your case, but if you come up with whatever your personal "doing your best" looks like and do that, it will go a long way with giving you some peace next time.

As far as the connection/distance issue: again, do what you feel you have to in order to protect yourself but at the same time makes you feel like you've given your best to the baby. It's a balance. I wasn't at peace with the pregnancy until we hit viability at week 24 and after that I was able to relax much more. But I was OK with that. I also didn't start buying baby stuff until then--and I was OK with that, too. Just figure out what some of your personal boundaries are and what you feel safe with and work with that. Figure out what you'd like to do to make sure the baby feels loved even if things don't turn out the way you hope.

Hope that helps. All your questions sound totally normal to me.

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: The prego, new mommies, trying, or just curious thread!!
Posted: Dec 7, 2010 8:45 AM Go to message in response to: Brooke051609

Brooke it sounds like your emotions are totally normal. Personally I think the "bonding" thing is a myth, or maybe I just don't know anyone that had those feelings before the baby was born. I think it's totally normal to not be completely at peace until the baby is born, honestly. (and then that probably just brings on a whole new array of worry!) Generally I am not a worrier, and I sometimes get myself all in a tizzy over the littlest things. Maybe its b/c I dont have any babies yet, so feeling her moving just feels weird, and my mind can't comprehend that it's a PERSON! And I homestly dont really talk "to her". I sing a lot in the car though ;)

But anyway, you just do what you need to do. If you want to wait to try again, thats fine, if you don't thats fine too. It's ultimately yours and DH's decision and you will make the correct one.

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NatashaAB Posts : 353 Registered: 10/6/08
Re: Hey
Posted: Dec 7, 2010 6:00 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Brooke- I am so terribly sorry for your loss. :(


Yes, the twins are now 8.5 months old. I can't even BELIEVE how fast time is flying. This little baby is doing ok. I am going to be 24 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I have PIH (Again...) and I'm slow on gaining weight so the baby is measuring small but developmentally, the baby looks good. It's been a rough couple weeks but I'm adjusting!

Nate just got back from a business trip and I am SO glad because life is just easier when he's here to help me out!

Pharm & NJ- I cannot believe how far along you guys are already!!!

Sy- How's Dylan?

Nat (23) Nate (33) L&E- March 17, 2010 A- January 26, 2011

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Hey
Posted: Dec 7, 2010 6:57 PM Go to message in response to: NatashaAB

Nat - PIH already? I can understand with the twins, but that seems early with just one.... I'm sorry! Glad that everything looks good developmentally. I hope that everything progresses well (with the exception of the PIH - I want that gone!).

I had my first group appointment today. Everything seems well. I liked the set up ALOT. We actually have the MW/NP there the whole time and an LPN. I didn't gain any weight over Thanksgiving, I'm not sure how I managed that. But the baby's Ok. I have an u/s scheduled for the 22nd. :-)

 

 

 

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Hey
Posted: Dec 8, 2010 10:30 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

We had our first labor basics class last night. It was actually pretty informative. We learned a lot of termonology which is great since i really have no clue about that. I never really knew what "effacement" was, and now I do. We learned what to look for when you think labor is starting and some early signs that labor could be starting soon. We go back tomorrow for part 2 which is pain management and c-sections and interventions. I also scheduled our Labor and Delivery tour for next Saturday.

Overall I feel more calm about the whole delivery thing now that I am more informed. SO this already has been worth the $70 just for the calm feeling I have.

Oh and 11 couples in the class--8 of them are having girls! crazy!

Pharm thats awesome about not gaining any weight over Thanksgiving. I put on 5lbs myself! I am hoping when I go back next week, it's WAY less.

And now that I am nearing week 30, I am REALLY feeling it. Heartburn, backache, limping like an old lady..even waddling! OMG. And I am getting this achy feeling in my very low belly, like underneath it. I think its just from the added weight and it's super.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Hey
Posted: Dec 8, 2010 11:43 AM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

NJ - It's hard to believe that you are already 30 weeks! I know I'll be putting on weight in the 3rd trimester, but I'm trying hard to stick to the preferred range of 10-15 lb weight gain for me - healthier for me and the baby.

We'll be taking some classes too, but not until the new year.... Soon enough!

 

 

 

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Hey
Posted: Dec 8, 2010 11:57 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Right and the weight you gain will really be the baby at the end. I think baby girl is about 2.5-3 lbs right now, So she still has a good 4-6lbs to put on, which will read on MY scale! LOL.

On my way to work today I thoght "OMG I could have a baby in like 8 weeks"! I got a little panicked.. but excited I guess.

Oh and SIL def kissed my belly AGAIN at the shower. And at one point I caught her rubbing my back. Its like EWWW stop touching me!!! And literally I do not care if ANYONE Else gives the belly a touch but her. B/c she like molests it. MY sister is having a meltown b/c she felt upstaged by my ILs, and she has no reason to, but I get it. And SIL has the balls to say to me "i'm going to be the 'cool' Aunt" Oh really? b/c I think you're a nut!

My hormones are OFF THE CHAIN and only getting worse as we go. Last night DH was trying to figure out when to go to his parents to clean out his old closet and he was like "I cant go this sunday b/c its steelers/Jets and I cant go that Sunday b/c its Steelers/Cincinnati" then proceeds to ask when we are going to my aunt's for Christmas, I tell him and he says "But thats week 17". I WENT OFF!! OFF!!! He apologized but I was like really? I think your mom really wants your shit out of her house and we have a family thing, football is NOT real life right now. And I am a football fan..but like his time is more important than anyone else's!?

Normaly something like that would not bother me...FYI

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Agape14 Posts : 201 Registered: 12/31/08
Re: Hey
Posted: Dec 8, 2010 12:02 PM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

Sorry NJ, gotta agree with hubby on this one. Unless someone is dying, there's really no need to leave the house from 11am to 11:30pm on Sundays between September and February =P

 

 

~~Life's tough, wear a cup~~

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Hey
Posted: Dec 8, 2010 12:04 PM Go to message in response to: Agape14

Not even funny! He is the one that wanted me to book the hospital tour next Saturday and its only an hour. he can get shit done after that!

I have spent countless Sundays on the couch from 1pm to 8pm without moving, but now there is just tooooo much going on and my nesting brain and my hormones can't take it!

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Hey
Posted: Dec 8, 2010 5:12 PM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

OMG NJ - I'd shoot SIL. Have you asked your DH to say anything to her? There's appropriate and in appropriate... That's NOT ok.

And I'm a huge football fan but I give his family respect over f-ball - therefore my family gets respect over his 'things'.

 

 

 

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Agape14 Posts : 201 Registered: 12/31/08
Re: Hey
Posted: Dec 9, 2010 10:56 AM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

Well I'm only half teasing actually. I think this is partly a case of sweating the small stuff, and probably anxiety/stress over the short time till baby comes rather than the actual topic at hand.

If DH has stuff at his parents house and is procrastinating going to get it, it's not something I think you should get remotely worked up over. You guys have been married for over 3yrs I think, so for at least the last 3yrs this stuff has been languishing in that closet (and probably a lot longer than that) and neither him nor his mom have really cared enough to do anything about it (her to say "get your stuff out by x time", or him to decide "i'm going to get my stuff out by x time). Either way that's just between him and his mom/parents.

As for his little comment about the family activity conflicting with week 17...it's not like he refused to go. He just expressed his honest thought that he'd rather be watching the game (I'd probably say/think the same thing if I had to go to a family event that day). Honestly, I don't think you'd normally flip out about something like that. It's the kind of thing more like to get DH a dirty look, or an annoyed "Well we're going anyway", or something similar. But not a full scale flip out.

So maybe cut both yourself and DH a little slack. The important stuff will all get done before baby gets here, and the rest of it will get dealt with in due time.

Enjoy that hospital tour!

 

 

~~Life's tough, wear a cup~~

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Agape14 Posts : 201 Registered: 12/31/08
Re: Hey
Posted: Dec 9, 2010 11:01 AM Go to message in response to: Agape14

We finally heard Bean's heartbeat yesterday! It was racing away in the 150s-160s.

I didn't think I'd be that excited about it, but it was the best thing ever! And we have the IPS u/s scheduled for the 20th, and now I'm really looking forward to seeing the baby. Last time it was just a dark circle, so I'm looking forward to seeing something that remotely resembles a baby and not just a blob. lol

 

 

~~Life's tough, wear a cup~~

Daisypath Anniversary tickers

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