Unsupportive Family

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BunniBride Posts : 11 Registered: 9/1/08
Unsupportive Family
Posted: Nov 24, 2010 11:48 PM

My fiance and I are both 21 and have been dating for five years. We got engaged about a week ago and so far, most of my family has been less than thrilled. =/

They have nothing against my fiance, they just think I'm awfully young and worry that I won't finish college. I've tried talking to them and insist that I WILL get my degree (not getting a degree has never been an option for me!) but they still seem hesitant.

I expected people to not be 100% on board with the whole engagement thing, but I guess I didn't expect them to be so unsupportive. I'm extremely hurt and have been very emotional all week. Becoming engaged is an emotional rollarcoaster as is, but having my family not support me has made it even worse. It's so tense with my family that I feel like I can't even be happy about being engaged.

I'm hoping that with time they'll get used to the idea, but for now it's really hard. I'm seeing all of my family for Thanksgiving tomorrow and am dreading it.

Has anyone else dealt with this sort of reaction and if so, how did it turn out?

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Unsupportive Family
Posted: Nov 25, 2010 8:22 PM Go to message in response to: BunniBride

Dear Bunni,

"Has anyone else dealt with this sort of reaction and if so, how did it turn out?"

My parents freaked out when they heard of my brother's wedding plans. They were positive it was all wrong for him and that it would never last.

This very weekend, Bro and SIL celebrated their 29th wedding anniversary.

Here is my suggestion.

If you are positive you are doing the right thing, then just make your plans and progress with your life. If you are not all that positive, then it might be a good idea to at least listen to what they have to say.

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BunniBride Posts : 11 Registered: 9/1/08
Re: Unsupportive Family
Posted: Nov 27, 2010 12:12 AM Go to message in response to: BunniBride

Thanks, everyone, for your advice and support.

I sat down and talked to my parents last night. I told them how I felt and my mother said she didn't mean to make me feel that way. She said they didn't mean to come off as unsupportive or upset with the engagement, they're just still in shock over it. After all, I am their first child to get engaged.

My parents insisted that they are happy for me, but said they wanted me to finish my degree and wait until we have more money to spend on a wedding. They also told me that they were proud of how much I've accomplished and are just worried that I'll not finish my degree. I'm the only one in my family who's actually going for one and has gotten this far and they want to make sure that I don't get distracted.

When I told them what my aunt had said about my engagement, they were shocked. Although my mother did admit that her sister CAN be like that, a negative nelly and all.

So I feel a lot better about this engagement. I guess my parents just needed time for it to sink in. As for my aunt...I don't know. She's on vacation right now, but I guess I'll have to see her eventually. I just hope that she, too, has had time to get used to the idea.

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JessicaG Posts : 6 Registered: 1/3/11
Re: Unsupportive Family
Posted: Jan 4, 2011 10:41 AM Go to message in response to: BunniBride

I'm glad you got things worked out with your parents. As I was reading, before I got to your last update, I was going to mention that if your FH talked to your Dad before proposing, they must have been at least somewhat ok with the idea or he wouldn't have given his blessing (I would hope).

My FH just proposed on New Year's Eve, right after midnight, in front of my parents and two younger siblings (20 and 19 y/o).

I cried. My mother had a little smile and told me "Happy New Year." My brother didn't want to see the ring. My sister completely ignored me and STILL has not said a word.

My father is the ONLY one who took a moment to hug me and congratulate me. That hurt.

I do know that there are mixed feelings in the family about my fiance. He had a rough past and our relationship has been rocky at times, to say the least. They only see what happens when they are around and not the rest of the time. We've been together 5 and 1/2 years and living together all that time. When we are angry, we are both EXTREMELY loud and can get mean. He is narcissistic and at times comes across as ridiculously shallow, insensitive, and rude.

But part of the reason we weren't engaged before now is that we weren't ready. We knew our relationship wasn't ready and we needed to work at it, and we have. I hope that someday they will see that and support us because he makes me happy, and that is all that matters.

BTW, my brother did send me a text message later that night, apologizing for his lack of interest and stating just that...if it's what I want and it makes me happy, he may not ever like my fiance, but he will support me because he loves me. And I got his congratulations.

Sister still hasn't said a word.

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