Hi : ) I'm 25 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for over 4 years. He's 29. We met in January of 2006 through work and became an official couple July 1, 2006. Here's a little of our history :
We have lived together for the last three years with roommates. We're not rich people and most likely never will be but we do share finances. Joint savings/checkings accounts and we discuss all big purchases. I will admit that up until the last year we have been very irresponsible with money and had we kept a budget we could have an apartment to ourselves by now. He is very adamant that he does not want to get married until we have a place of our own, but that he does want to marry me and within the next couple of years. I haven't helped
speed that process along with my spending habits : (
At first this sounded like an excuse to me, but the last 6 months he suddenly became very serious about money and involved in our finances. We sat down with my mother ( uncomfortable but a good idea because she is the queen of budgets ) and now have a solid monthly budget in place.
He doesn't like discussing important/personal things with my mother because of her tendency to take over( yes, she is one of those type moms ) but he was pleased when I told him I asked for her help with our budget O.O total shock. I mean, this man one year ago was pissed beyond
belief when he found out my mother knew the exact dollar and cent amount of our account thanks to her snooping.
We've curtailed a lot of our spending and I'm finally
feeling like an adult for a change. Everything left over
has been going into savings : ) Not much yet but it's
I have wanted a ring for about 2 years. At that point I knew that I really knew who he was and that he was what I wanted. I dropped hints of course, but the other night I had finally had it. I'm tired of friends asking why we aren't engaged, tired of my mother obsessing over my lack of ring. His own mom, while much more relaxed than mine, told me she wants another grandbaby soon and last year was asking what kind of rings I liked. Most of all tired of waiting and not really being sure of his intentions
I told him point blank I wanted a ring and that I wanted to be on our own and married in about 2 years. He looked at me completely confused and said " I thought that was the plan. " I was dumbfounded. We may have discussed things but nothing has ever been official. I explained I needed a ring because I needed the commitment to be official and that I would like long engagement of 1-2 years while we save money. He said he understood and that when he looks at me he sees the future and he understands now that I need that piece of security.
I told him I wanted to look at some rings this weekend, and he said OK, but also that he didnt see the point since we won't be able to get me a ring for a little while. As far as our budget goes, this is true. It'll be 2-3 months before we have enough saved. Plus the holidays are right around the corner.
But I also know his idea of a "little while" is most likely different than mine. That upset me. He is aware though that I don't want to wait a year for a ring. He also said that he wants to pick out the ring on his own. All my sisters picked out their own rings, so never something in my family that has mattered. Plus we've been together and discussing this for so long... I assumed I would get to choose my ring, or at least narrow it down to a few and then let him choose which one on his own. He told me he wanted to get me a simple diamond solitaire because he's never liked flashy jewelry. Truthfully, I like solitaires, but I was a little annoyed. I didn't tell him
I was annoyed but I told him I kinda thought I would pick a few out for him to choose from.
Anyway, I've decided that after we look at rings this weekend I'll leave the subject alone.
I'm hoping he'll officially propose to me sometime in the next 2-3 months so I don't go crazy.
Is this all sounding promising to you guys? I dont want to get my hopes up too high and go too nuts and end up disappointed. I do love him more than anything : )
Yep, you're almost there, all right, and so is he.
First, you need to realize that YOU DON'T NEED A RING to be engaged. Plenty of people go through an engagement and marriage without any ring.
The only thing you need to be officially engaged is an agreement between the two people and a public announcement. Without the public announcement, it's an "unoffical" engagement, a/k/a "private understanding".
You're already past the private understanding point.
Because finances are so crucial to both of your, I suggest you forget about the ring for a while and just announce an engagement without a ring. You can always get one later, after you have the money, or just skip it entirely and put the money towards the wedding or your future life.
I am 56 years old and have been happily married for 34 years. I work as a financial analyst. Please please believe me when I tell you that focusing so much on a ring is not productive. Focus, more, on getting your financial house in order and solidifying your relationship with your boyfriend towards common shared goals.
PS: The ONLY reason I got an engagement ring was because we got a giant one-time tax refund the year we got married. If not for that tax refund, I probably would not have gotten an engagement ring.
lol @ me and my long insomniac post : ) things always seem a lot more coherent and shorter in the middle of the night!
You give very logical advice, and you're right, worrying so much over a ring isn't productive. We are just getting things in order financially so a big purchase can wait a little while. However, a ring is a requirement to me. I know not everyone feels that way. My mother has said in the past the same as you, that a ring is not a requirement for an engagement. I just don't want to announce an engagement without a ring, and I'd like to be able to announce it before the end of 2011. We have discussed price and I think both of us have some very modest but pretty rings in mind. I can handle having a private agreement for awhile longer as long as I know we are making real steps towards a ring and an official announcement.
My short term plan is to enjoy looking at rings this weekend, have a fun day indulging my girly side, and then tuck those thoughts away, from both our conversation and my mind for awhile. He knows what I want and how I feel now and the last thing I want to do is make him crazy over it. He ultimately has to propose ( with a ring ) when he's ready. And I think the signs are encouraging thus far.