Picking a date

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KCI Posts : 150 Registered: 3/30/09
Picking a date
Posted: Nov 15, 2010 7:35 PM

This is more thinking out loud than a question. There is a what do you think at the bottom though.

My now FH proposed this past Saturday. We had talked about a Fall 2012 wedding, but that was when he kept telling me he'd propose next year (apparently he wanted to really surprise me this year). But now that we got proposed earlier I'm having trouble thinking about what I want to do.

Part of me still wants to wait until Fall 2012. It would give us time to save money for the wedding and for a house. It would also give us time to just enjoy being engaged.

On the other hand, my maternal grandparents are getting on in their years, and they are very important to me. I would be devestated if I waited to get married and they ended up not being able to be there.

My FH and I also really want to get married in the Fall - so that pretty much means we get married in less than a year (and should start planning), or almost 2 years away.

My other thought was a March wedding since my family loves St Pats Day and it could be fun, but then it goes back to loving the fall.

Have other people made date decisions over whether or not you wanted to risk certain family members getting older? Just curious. Thanks!

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*Met: 9/17/2009 *Started Dating: 11/14/2009 *Engaged: 11/13/2010 *Mr and Mrs: 9/17/2011
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Mrs_Orto Posts : 14 Registered: 7/19/10
Re: Picking a date
Posted: Nov 16, 2010 9:26 AM Go to message in response to: KCI

My date picking dilemma came from "do I wanna have to wait that long to get married?"
Although I understand where you're coming from, I think it kinda puts a bit of a damper on things when you're planning your wedding around whether or not other people will still be alive. I could understand that if one of them was terminally ill and you had an actual time frame to work with but if it's just because they're getting older, that's not really something you can work with. Some people can live until they're 100 years old, some people don't, so I'd say if they're not ill and just getting older, I wouldn't really wanna factor that in too too much when picking a date.
In my personal opinion, the date should be something that is important to you and your FH. Based on the style you want for your wedding and the venue (particularly if you want an outdoor venue or a venue that gets booked way in advance) you can choose a certain time of year. You've already said you both want a fall wedding, so you already have a start. I say choose which year you want to get married in based on what works best for you. Are you wanting a big wedding with a high price tag on it? Then I would suggest waiting until 2012 as you originally planned so you have more time to save. Are you wanting something small and intimate? Then maybe you won't need the extra year. It all comes down to what kind of wedding you want. Don't worry so much about the time to plan it (I put together my entire wedding in only 3 months and everything has worked out perfectly). Concentrate on the style, the budget, the time of year, things like that. And before you know it, you'll find the perfect date. :-)

Mrs. Orto
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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Picking a date
Posted: Nov 16, 2010 11:35 AM Go to message in response to: KCI

I had the same problem, date wise. I knew I wanted to get married in the Fall and DH and I got engaged in Nov 2006. So it was either a little less than a year or TWO years. Plus my sister already had plans to get married in Aug 07 so I wasnt sure if I should do it so close. But we crunched the numbers and did what we wanted and planned it for Oct 07. And a year was PLENTY. For me, any longer and it would have been too long. But it depends on how much time you need to save and if time of year is really important. You need to decide whats the most important element.

As for people who you want to attend that are getting older--not to sound morbid, but important people in our lives don't need to be "old" to not be here for big events. Anything can happen at any time and you need to do whats best for you and you FH. It's nice to think of them though...

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Picking a date
Posted: Nov 16, 2010 12:12 PM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

I was in the same boat as NJ. I always wanted to get married in the fall and then dates started to not work so it ended up being at the end of Summer. But I was already waiting a little over a year and refused to wait longer.

And it does drag out.

I think the most legitimate concern is budget and money.

I think that if you and FH sit down with a rough guesstimate of # of guests and what type of wedding you are thinking and how much you can save up in a year vs 2 - that's going to tell you when you can get married.

Also, we got married in NJ, partly because of my grandmother who would have had a harder time traveling to VA and then she opted to not come. So, while it's great to consider the people you want there - know that it's not always possible.





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