The bachelor party

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chrissybear90 Posts : 35 Registered: 2/27/10
The bachelor party
Posted: Oct 5, 2010 12:05 PM

My FBIL called me like two months ago and told me not to plan anything on the 9th of October because that's when he is planning my FH's bachelor party. Not thinking straight (having a busy day dealing with a dress shop that changed my bridesmaids dresses without telling me) I told him fine that would be ok. Then a few days later my FH asked me what I wanted to do on our anniversary...on the 9th. I quickly told him that I didn't know and would get back to him. I called his brother and he insisted that he had to do it that night and there was no way he could change it. I accepted it and just asked him if I could at least see my FH for an hour on that day. He told me fine that would work. So now I'm hearing that he is planning some big kidnap him from work and keep him out all night and into the next day party. I don't think its fair. I mean I want to spend that day together and I can't really talk to my FH about it because I don't want to ruin his surprise. I know we could always plan something the night before but how do I explain that to my FH? Am I being too sensitive?

I'm your girl and your my man and were making plans,

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dogbride Posts : 41 Registered: 4/22/10
Re: The bachelor party
Posted: Oct 5, 2010 12:20 PM Go to message in response to: chrissybear90

Can you surprise him and get up realllly early and go for breakfast? I know it wouldnt be the same, but at least you could spend time together. I am sure you could come up with a reason as to not spoil the plans for the evening.

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chrissybear90 Posts : 35 Registered: 2/27/10
Re: The bachelor party
Posted: Oct 5, 2010 12:28 PM Go to message in response to: dogbride

He gets up early to go to work that day. Saturdays he has to be at work at nine,and it being an hour away and him having to pick his brother up he has to get up at six. I'm thinking of just telling him I want to go Friday night because my dad needs help with something(he won't argue with my dad needing something, its kinda cute)Then I guess later he would get the reasoning behind it. I just want us to have time together at least part of the day, without me being the sober driver.

I'm your girl and your my man and were making plans,

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: The bachelor party
Posted: Oct 5, 2010 12:44 PM Go to message in response to: chrissybear90

Dear Crissy,

". I don't think its fair. I mean I want to spend that day together "

Sorry, but you're screwed.

You told FBIL that it was OK, then he made plans.

Now you want to go back and say "Since I told you it was OK, and since you've made plans, I've changed my mind."

You will have a whole lifetime of anniversaries. In my 34 years of marriage, I can't say we've been together on every anniversary. Both of us have had busy work schedules, and during our sons' teenaged years, July was a popular month for Scout camping. My husband was an adult volunteer, so he was often out camping with the Scouts over our anniversary.

I managed to deal with it. You can, too.

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WellWisher Posts : 175 Registered: 1/2/10
Re: The bachelor party
Posted: Oct 6, 2010 7:57 PM Go to message in response to: chrissybear90

Another way you can celebrate our anniversary without actually being together is to give him a nice card or letter that's personable. That way he'll still feel close to you and have something special that he can keep forever. It would be kind of sweet, how many people get a love letter anymore?

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chrissybear90 Posts : 35 Registered: 2/27/10
Re: The bachelor party
Posted: Oct 6, 2010 11:34 PM Go to message in response to: WellWisher

That is a sweet idea. My FH and I write each other all the time. I go out of town once a month for work and he hides notes in my bag for me! We don't have kids yet but we have a dog that we dote on and one time he put her favorite toy in my bag for me to find. I cried! The last time I went out of town I had to help my dad pack his house up for his move. As a joke I hid his playstation and left him a little scavenger hunt for him. He had to remember stuff that happened in our relationship to find the next clue of where it was. I had his mom put new clues in the house everyday. I try to keep things fun.

I'm your girl and your my man and were making plans,

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: The bachelor party
Posted: Oct 7, 2010 11:55 AM Go to message in response to: chrissybear90

I like the idea of the love note.

But for me it comes down to this - you're going to have lots more anniversaries together - whatever anniversaries you want (and I'm not a big one on those - but if it's your thing great!) - he gets ONE Bachelor Party. ONE. With friends and family who want to be involved and celebrate.

Celebrate the day after - it's not a loss.

 

 

 

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chrissybear90 Posts : 35 Registered: 2/27/10
Re: The bachelor party
Posted: Oct 7, 2010 12:49 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Anniversaries are big to us because in a past abusive relationship my ex would use our anniversary as a reason to beat me...that's why my FH now wants to make them a good thing.I understand that he only gets one party and was just upset at the moment. I've gotten over it. We are going out tomorrow night and just switching it. He knows about his party now because his SIL spilled the beans...by accident but still. I was very pleased to see him happy and excited and just told him we will do something else the day before. I have told him (as a joke) that when I have my party he must be the sober driver and I don't want to hear any grief about when I call him for a ride. He (also as a joke) told me that if it wasn't by 3 am I would have to walk. Everything has worked out and I know I let my emotions get the better of me!

I'm your girl and your my man and were making plans,

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: The bachelor party
Posted: Oct 7, 2010 1:08 PM Go to message in response to: chrissybear90

Wonderful! (About things working out - and that you are in a good relationship now.)

I think it might almost be good that he knows about it, so he's not confused as to why you didn't want to make plans, etc.

And since he knows about it - it allows you to celebrate the day before and have it be OK with both of you!

EDIT: And I wasn't knocking the celebration of the anniversaries - if it's your thing that is cool. I'm the non-romantic one in my relationship. LOL

Edited by: PharmToxGirl on Oct 7, 2010 1:08 PM

 

 

 

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chrissybear90 Posts : 35 Registered: 2/27/10
Re: The bachelor party
Posted: Oct 7, 2010 1:15 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I know you weren't making fun of it, I also can be the unromantic one in our relationship. I just wanted to clarify why I was so emotional about it.I also wanted to end the embarrassment that I felt about this past relationship. I will admit that I did hide it for a long time but I'm just over it. I am tired of letting a loser rule my life! I'm just glad I got out when I did! FH is so excited about his party and that makes me happy. Besides that will give me a night with my friends this week which I could use!

Edited by: chrissybear90 on Oct 7, 2010 1:15 PM

I'm your girl and your my man and were making plans,

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: The bachelor party
Posted: Oct 7, 2010 1:21 PM Go to message in response to: chrissybear90

It's really great that you have been able to move beyond that and into a wonderful relationship - I would imagine that it helps you appreciate it that much more!

 

 

 

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chrissybear90 Posts : 35 Registered: 2/27/10
Re: The bachelor party
Posted: Oct 7, 2010 1:32 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

It defiantly wasn't easy to get over. Like I said I was totally embarrassed that I allowed someone to treat me like that. Even after I was away from him though I was still scared all the time. But then I found FH and he is honestly a great guy. He treats me better than great and we get along so well. It took time to get use to being close to him but now I can't be away from him for too long.

I'm your girl and your my man and were making plans,

Reply


WoostaBride Posts : 220 Registered: 6/8/09
Re: The bachelor party
Posted: Oct 7, 2010 5:38 PM Go to message in response to: chrissybear90

Just think...soon enough you'll be celebrating a whole different kind of anniversary - your WEDDING anniversary..and hopefully for the rest of your lives. You'll look back and wonder why you stressed about this in the first place! Enjoy a nice day with him Friday, and if you really want to keep it a secret, just set up "fake" plans with him on Saturday as well, and he'll figure it out when his brother kidnaps him.

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chrissybear90 Posts : 35 Registered: 2/27/10
Re: The bachelor party
Posted: Oct 8, 2010 12:46 PM Go to message in response to: WoostaBride

The most important thing that I had to learn was to not look back. It's hard but if you dwell on the past you will never get over it. I'm in a happy place now, how could I not be with FH being here. I swear he is the best thing that has ever happened to me! Thanks for the advice. We are going out to dinner tonight and going for a walk by the river today. It will be nice.

I'm your girl and your my man and were making plans,

Reply

jackson132 Posts : 1,623 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: The bachelor party
Posted: Sep 15, 2012 12:58 AM Go to message in response to: chrissybear90

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