Confused

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anxiousfloridag... Posts : 10 Registered: 9/30/10
Confused
Posted: Sep 30, 2010 2:25 PM

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. We had an argument earlier this week about something he said. We talked it out and at the end of the conversation he said "Tighten up if you're going to be my wife". Everytime I (or anyone else) bring up marriage, he says he is not ready. His mom is even talking to him about it and he says he just wants to make sure its right. Are we about to get engaged? I've been dreaming of rings and weddings. Am I thinking too much into it, or should I expect a proposal at Christmas?

[url=http://www.tickercentral.com][img]http://www.tickercentral.com/view/ajwe/2.png[/img][/url]

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Confused
Posted: Sep 30, 2010 2:36 PM Go to message in response to: anxiousfloridag...

Am I thinking too much into it, or should I expect a proposal at Christmas?

You are thinking about it too much. Many a lady on here said that they ruined many an event in their lives because they were looking for that proposal. You don't want to do that.

Good luck!

 

 

 

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RebeccaFazzio Posts : 323 Registered: 10/28/07
Re: Confused
Posted: Sep 30, 2010 2:39 PM Go to message in response to: anxiousfloridag...

"Tighten up if you're going to be my wife"???

Are you serious? Any guy who said that to me would get a slap in the face and a kick in the butt out the door.

27000_357855012861_529642861_3534868_1049818_n

To love another person is to see the face of God.

http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/RebeccaIngram&ScottFazzio

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Confused
Posted: Sep 30, 2010 2:46 PM Go to message in response to: RebeccaFazzio

Dear Rebecca,

"Are you serious? Any guy who said that to me would get a slap in the face and a kick in the butt out the door."

I'm with you. That's BS.

Dear Nervous Wreck,

I'll be succinct: Dump him.

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anxiousfloridag... Posts : 10 Registered: 9/30/10
Re: Confused
Posted: Sep 30, 2010 2:55 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I hate that I have spent 3 years of my life with someone who is so unsure of what he wants. When i tell him he can go, he always say that's not what he wants to do. Maybe I just want to be married too badly

[url=http://www.tickercentral.com][img]http://www.tickercentral.com/view/ajwe/2.png[/img][/url]

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Confused
Posted: Sep 30, 2010 4:38 PM Go to message in response to: anxiousfloridag...

Dear NW,

"I hate that I have spent 3 years of my life with someone who is so unsure of what he wants."

It would be worse to spend 4, 5, 6, whatever, years of your life with someone who is perpetually "not ready".

If marriage is a personal goal of yours, then you need to get out into the world and meet nice marriage-minded men. You can't do that while you are gf/bf with "Mr Slow".

He isn't ready. He's told you so, and I believe him. He wants you to change in order to be "good enough" for him to even consider marriage. I believe that as well.

When someone really wants to marry you, they take you as you are, not as they want you to be.

It's time to move on. He's giving you all the clues. Listen to him and listen to your best instincts. Dump him.

(PS I sincerely hope you don't have children with him.)

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Confused
Posted: Sep 30, 2010 4:41 PM Go to message in response to: anxiousfloridag...

Dear NW

" Maybe I just want to be married too badly"

No. No. No.

You don't want to be married "too" badly.

You have personal goals. Great. One of those personal goals is to get married. Nothing wrong with that.

Your boyfriend's personal goals do not include getting married, at least not to you as you are now. Great, fine, that's his personal goal.

Unfortunately, there's no compromise here. You can't meet in between. You can't be married six months out of the year and not married the other six months. It's all or nothing.

If your personal goal is to be married, then you have to want it BADLY ENOUGH TO GET OFF YOUR DUFF AND GO OUT AND MEET MARRIAGE-MINDED MEN. That means, first, breaking up with you boyfriend.

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Beeble Posts : 306 Registered: 11/19/09
Re: Confused
Posted: Sep 30, 2010 5:49 PM Go to message in response to: anxiousfloridag...

Oh boy do I ever know about the one who is "not ready"... check your PM's = )

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wishingandhoping1 Posts : 9 Registered: 9/4/10
Re: Confused
Posted: Oct 1, 2010 3:03 PM Go to message in response to: anxiousfloridag...

I know exactly how you feel.... Its hard, especially when all these people on here tell you to leave him, just like that, if he doesn't want to get married. Like many people recommended though, I would maybe just set a time in your mind that you want to be engaged by and if it doesn't happen by then, sit him down and have a serious talk about what you want. That will maybe help you get it off your mind though... I know it is so hard to think of anything else when it is something you want so badly.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Confused
Posted: Oct 1, 2010 4:15 PM Go to message in response to: anxiousfloridag...

Ladies-in-Waiting,

I really wish I could wave a magic wand and make things right for you. You want to get engaged, then plan a nice wedding.

Instead, you are waiting on some guy who's dragging his feet. He's "not ready".

"Not ready" to marry anyone at all?

"Not ready" to marry you?

Not ready to marry anyone at all.

So, what's the hang-up? Does he want to finish college? Get through his first year on the job? Move out of his parents' basement?

In other words, is there an end game here? Will he be "ready" to get married in the foreseeable future? Or, will this go on forever. Year after year. Decade after decade.

Not ready to marry you.

Maybe you are not the kind of woman he has in mind when he thinks of a wife. Maybe his wife is, in his mind's eye,

-thinner
-fatter
-more like Mom
-less like Mom
-front end like a porn star
-virginal
-shorter
-taller
-great career = lots of money
-homemaker type = no money
-whatever

In this case, there's not a lot of hope here. When I hear of a guy saying "tighten up if you want to be my wife", then I hear "You are not what I have in mind. I'll have sex with you, string you along, but when push comes to shove I AIN'T GONNA MARRY YOU."

Now, you have to decide what you want.

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Kimberly212 Posts : 972 Registered: 9/12/12
Re: Confused
Posted: Sep 18, 2012 6:46 AM Go to message in response to: anxiousfloridag...

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wzq103 Posts : 1,190 Registered: 9/11/12
Re: Confused
Posted: Sep 27, 2012 7:22 PM Go to message in response to: anxiousfloridag...

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