Elopement & AHR

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Shortcake3930 Posts : 6 Registered: 3/24/07
Elopement & AHR
Posted: Sep 10, 2010 12:19 AM

Ok so FH really doesn't want everyone there for vows. like he'd be happy if he could get away with no witnesses. I'd like a small wedding (around/under 40 people). So we've reached sort of a compromise with eloping and having a reception later. My question is FH wants to get married in October(not this one) but wants to do an outdoor reception. So we'd be looking at like 8 months later having a reception. Is that un-etiquettey? Is there a time frame that having a reception within is appropriate?

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sassy411 Posts : 52 Registered: 8/16/10
Re: Elopement & AHR
Posted: Sep 10, 2010 9:00 AM Go to message in response to: Shortcake3930

What's AHR?

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Elopement & AHR
Posted: Sep 10, 2010 10:02 AM Go to message in response to: Shortcake3930

Dear SC,

" My question is FH wants to get married in October(not this one) but wants to do an outdoor reception. So we'd be looking at like 8 months later having a reception. Is that un-etiquettey?"

It's OK. A party during the first year of marriage is a Delayed Reception.

Here's another idea. Get married, then a year later have a party for friends and family, but call it a "1st Anniversary Party". That way you are celebrating something in the present (being married a year) instead of something that happened months ago.

PS Don't expect a lot of gifts, BTW.

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KateLouise Posts : 40 Registered: 7/16/10
Re: Elopement & AHR
Posted: Sep 10, 2010 12:46 PM Go to message in response to: Shortcake3930

I don't see it as a problem etiquette-wise. But - is it what you want? You mentioned that your fiance doesn't want many people there for the vows (though 40 is already quite a lot), wants next October and wants a summer reception, but do you, yourself, actually feel the same?

I only ask because we considered doing something very similar (quiet family-only wedding this month, big reception next May), for similar reasons to your fiance. As we planned, we realised that we felt the point of the party should be to celebrate the start of the marriage. We felt a lot of the momentum would be lost by 8 months after the event. So, we're just going to deal with our stage fright and invite everyone to the wedding itself, so they can all witness our marriage vows and celebrate with us afterwards. I wanted a definite day on which our marriage really, truly started, and was celebrated, all in one go.

Just think about it carefully and make sure you aren't letting him call all the shots :)

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Elopement & AHR
Posted: Sep 10, 2010 2:59 PM Go to message in response to: KateLouise

Dear Kate,

". We felt a lot of the momentum would be lost by 8 months after the event. "

Exactly the reason I see those "fake wedding" vow renewals to be anti-climatic. It's like throwing a party for a Class of 2004 graduate. Yawn.

If the couple has some great reason to get married with little fanfare, then celebrate (months, years) later, then I think it better to call the party an "anniversary party". You are celebrating something in the present, not something in Ancient History.

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