I have another etiquette question for you ladies. I searched the forums and couldn't find any similar posts..
My mother, father and I are in the midst of an etiquette argument. Both my parents think it is rude and unacceptable to call people after the RSVP deadline if they have not responded. To me, its ruder that those people haven't responded, because I'll have to give numbers to my caterer, etc. about how many people are coming. Is it okay to call people or is that rude? My family is fairly traditional -- but is that too much?
You are right and they are wrong. It is perfectly acceptable to call people. What else are you supposed to do? They have been rude by not replying in time. If, after no repoly and (just in case) a failed phone call, then count them out. If they end up showing up, they'll just have to take their chances on seating and being fed.
The people are already rude by not replying to your invitation. By calling them and asking, you are actually being EXTRA POLITE.
Your alternative would be to consider everyone who has not replied by now as "declined", then have an awkward difficult situation when all these people actually show up.
"I'm sorry, but since we did not hear from you we assumed you were not coming, so we have no seat for you."
"But I assumed you would know that I would never miss it."
Better to avoid that difficult and embarrassing situation with a quick phone call. You could start by wondering if either the original invitation or their reply got lost in the mail.
"Hi, I hate to bother you, but we are wondering if perhaps your RSVP card might have been lost in the mail. You are usually so good about these things, and I cannot imagine you would not respond to a wedding invitation. I just thought I'd call and check."
Also, don't assume that people are necessarily being rude. I know that I was super careful about addressing my invitations, and I still made mistakes. I got 2 invites Returned to Sender because of my own error, and 1 invite that I sent to a friend's neighbour (who incidently never bothered to give her the invite). And 1 invite seems to have been swallowed up by the post office, because it was addressed properly but never made it to the destination.
And that's just the 4 that I know about for sure. So, while it's likely that some guests are just annoying about RSVPing on time, there could be a few who never got the invite in the first place. Or similarly, who sent the RSVP on time, but for whatever reason it didn't make it to your house.
So, give them a call, or better yet, delegate that task (I did).