less than 2 weeks and mom's not excited

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kateinlove Posts : 8 Registered: 9/18/09
less than 2 weeks and mom's not excited
Posted: Sep 5, 2010 2:20 PM

Hi all. Our wedding is in less than 2 weeks and during conversation I find out that my mom is dreading the big day and can't wait for it to be over. We are planning this wedding without a planner, and divided the $ 3 ways between my fiance and I, his parents, and my parents. Being the bride and having opinions, I did a lot of the planning myself. My mom and I are very close so when I was busy with work, she took it upon herself to do wedding errands. Our house is full of wedding, conversation is always wedding, and now 2 weeks before she's decided she's totally sick of it. She thinks my fiance's family should be more involved , but when so many of the projects are things developed in my head, it's hard to pass on the job to them. We're all ready to get to the day because everyone's tired of the planning process and just wants to celebrate, but she can't even say that. Growing up, when she cried I cried, when she was happy I was happy. It breaks my heart to know she is dreading her only daughter's wedding day. Looking back I wish I had told her not to do a single thing for the wedding and suffered the consequence of the wedding not being as good without her help... if it meant she could actually be excited about this day that I've been looking forward to my whole life.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: less than 2 weeks and mom's not excited
Posted: Sep 5, 2010 5:40 PM Go to message in response to: kateinlove

Dear Kate,

The poor woman is burned out.

I am probably older than your mother. (I am 56.) I have a lot of experience in the ways of the world.

I get burned out, too, even when I am very happy about some upcoming event. It's hard to describe, but as the mind and the body gets older, it's hard to sustain a high level of excitement. We old folks get pooped out!

Please believe me, this is all normal.

My hope is that your mom will have a few days to not have to think about the wedding, then will be all set to go on W-Day.

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: less than 2 weeks and mom's not excited
Posted: Sep 7, 2010 11:59 AM Go to message in response to: kateinlove

I agree with Aunt. Heck, even I can't wait until MY wedding is over! Planning a wedding takes alot of work and of course money. Even though I may not appear happy at times and feel drained about all the wedding stuff I need to do I am still excited and looking forward to the big day. Your poor mom needs a break and I don't blame her. I wouldn't take it personally. I am sure everyone is happy that you're getting married and looking forward to your big day :)

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: less than 2 weeks and mom's not excited
Posted: Sep 7, 2010 12:12 PM Go to message in response to: kateinlove

Dear Kate,

Your mom might also have some menopause-related mood swings. I read an article in the paper, just yesterday, about this very subject.

I'm in menopause, right now, myself, and am very happy that I am not subject to the kinds of symptoms that were described in the article, such as hot flashes and mood swings.

My suggestion to you is to just carry on and see how it goes on W-Day.

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myras Posts : 396 Registered: 2/26/10
Re: less than 2 weeks and mom's not excited
Posted: Sep 7, 2010 2:26 PM Go to message in response to: kateinlove

I'm sorry that she's exhausted and not as excited as you'd like her to be. One question in whether or not this kind of behavior and attitude is normal for her, or is it something new? Aunt may have one explanation. Another is that she may be very shy and not used to these "grand" social occasions. Another is that she might actually be working on the wedding day, rather than sitting back, relaxing, and enjoying the occasion. Is she cooking/ serving/flower arranging/decorating/cleaning up? If so, that might go a long way towards explaining her sense of dread. If you can possibly find someone to take these burdens off her back, that would help a lot.

myra@classysassyweddings.com

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: less than 2 weeks and mom's not excited
Posted: Sep 7, 2010 2:43 PM Go to message in response to: kateinlove

OMG, I was sick of my wedding by the last 2 weeks or so too. I totally get it. It consumes you! I remember looking at now DH about 4 days before and going "Ok just gotta get through Saturday, then we head to Mexico". But it happens and it's normal. Once the actual day is here and the plans are in full swing, it will be exciting again

Maybe try taking your mom out or hanging out with her and DON'T talk anything wedding. Just hang out and relax. Get a pedicure!

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08divabride Posts : 831 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: less than 2 weeks and mom's not excited
Posted: Sep 7, 2010 8:03 PM Go to message in response to: kateinlove

I think this is a totally normal feeling. When the wedding gets closer, the feeling of being overwhelmed is a normal feeling. Then to add that she is doing more than your FH's parents, does not make the situation any better.

I suggest maybe you two spend some time together and do not bring up ANYTHING about the wedding. I promise it will help.

About two weeks before I got married, my family had a cruise planned. I didn't go and it was me and my FH alone the whole weekend. I can not tell you how refreshing it was to not have my life consumed with wedding details that weekend. (My wedding planner went as well!)

Give it try, if your mother was not excited about the wedding at all, she would not have contributed, fnancially or other wise.

Good luck and keep us posted!

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