What is with people not making up their mind?

Online Users: 1,332 guest(s), 1 user(s). Replies: 13

KateLouise Posts : 40 Registered: 7/16/10
What is with people not making up their mind?
Posted: Sep 2, 2010 4:23 PM

As my RSVP deadline has just passed, allow me a few moments to rant about the small proportion of guests who have informed me they can't yet decide whether they will be able to make it or not.

Dear guest,

I don't mind if you don't come.

Declining my invitation is not rude.

You don't even need an excuse.

I DO need you to COMMIT one way or the other. "I'm not sure to be honest" is NOT a viable RSVP. If you can't commit to coming, send your regrets.

Which part of "my venue has asked for final numbers by tomorrow" do you not understand?

You're busy with work? You've got an operation the week before? You plan to fall down a manhole and break your leg the morning of? You have my sympathy, but please JUST MAKE UP YOUR DARN MIND!

Ah, that feels better. Now I can smile and be patient with them all again.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: What is with people not making up their mind?
Posted: Sep 2, 2010 6:08 PM Go to message in response to: KateLouise

Dear Kate,

If your deadline has passed, and you have contacted various people and they still cannot commit, then it's time to count them as having declined.

One more call:

"I need to know, today, if you can come. Our deadline for reponses was last week, and I need to get my numbers in to the caterer."

"Oh, I am still not sure."

"In that case, I must put you down as having declined. I hope we can get together after the honeymoon, so we can get all caught up on each others' lives."

Then, if they actually show up at the reception, they are seated IF AND ONLY IF there are no-show spaces available.

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2dBride Posts : 158 Registered: 3/16/09
Re: What is with people not making up their mind?
Posted: Sep 2, 2010 9:12 PM Go to message in response to: KateLouise

Just wait. Next up is the ones who RSVP yes, and then simply no-show on the day.


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bcnbride Posts : 7 Registered: 9/1/10
Re: What is with people not making up their mind?
Posted: Sep 3, 2010 3:13 AM Go to message in response to: 2dBride

People who say yes and don't show up? Maybe i'm with my head in the clouds but I didn't even think about that possibility yet! Does that actually happen? I can't believe anyone would be so... I don't know, that's just plain rude!

Edited by: bcnbride on Sep 3, 2010 3:13 AM

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myras Posts : 396 Registered: 2/26/10
Re: What is with people not making up their mind?
Posted: Sep 3, 2010 1:39 PM Go to message in response to: bcnbride

YES, it actually happens! In fact, it happens to nearly everyone. I once invited a schoolmate of my son's to a party. His mother RSVP'd that she was bringing him, herself, and her three other kids. Rather than telling her off, I said fine, we'll be glad to see you. Not only did her kid no-show, but the whole family did not attend, and I had paid for meals for all of them. I never heard a word of excuse or apology from any of them. Nowadays, i would not keep my mouth shut, and if I got an RSVP like that, I would be very clear about who was invited and who wasn't. If she couldn't come without all of the kids, then, "Sorry, we'll miss you," would be my answer.

myra@classysassyweddings.com

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: What is with people not making up their mind?
Posted: Sep 3, 2010 1:45 PM Go to message in response to: bcnbride

Dear BCN,

"People who say yes and don't show up? Maybe i'm with my head in the clouds but I didn't even think about that possibility yet!"

Oh, yes, all the time.

People wake up in the morning and say "Do you feel like going to the wedding? No? How about catching the game on TV this afternoon, instead?".

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KateLouise Posts : 40 Registered: 7/16/10
Re: What is with people not making up their mind?
Posted: Sep 3, 2010 3:58 PM Go to message in response to: 2dBride

The no-show risk is exactly why I'm hoping the "ditherers" just decline. I'm thinking that the people who really care about/respect us and take their commitments seriously will already have given us a straight yes or no.

AOTB, thanks for your advice on dealing with the issue. My mother is going to call them tomorrow and use that phrasing.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: What is with people not making up their mind?
Posted: Sep 3, 2010 4:02 PM Go to message in response to: KateLouise

Dear Kate,

"My mother is going to call them tomorrow and use that phrasing."

There are other ways to get your message across:

"It's time to either fish or cut bait."

"Shit or get off the pot."

I'll trust your mother to come up with the most polite thing that really works.

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KateLouise Posts : 40 Registered: 7/16/10
Re: What is with people not making up their mind?
Posted: Sep 3, 2010 4:18 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Oh, the thought of my very traditional, very proper mother directing her relations to Shit or Get Off The Pot. Aunt, you've made my day.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: What is with people not making up their mind?
Posted: Sep 3, 2010 5:08 PM Go to message in response to: KateLouise

Dear Kate,

"Oh, the thought of my very traditional, very proper mother directing her relations to Shit or Get Off The Pot. Aunt, you've made my day."

It brightened my day, too, imagining my own very polite mother saying that.

I can imagine her THINKING that, but never saying it.

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: What is with people not making up their mind?
Posted: Sep 3, 2010 7:24 PM Go to message in response to: KateLouise

Im in the process of getting my RSVP in the mail and I hope no one gives me trouble with that. About the people who say they are going but never show up...my venue told me that if they don't come they wont charge me for their plate! Maybe you can ask your venue that and see what they say. Just a thought.

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KateLouise Posts : 40 Registered: 7/16/10
Re: What is with people not making up their mind?
Posted: Sep 4, 2010 3:58 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

Cheetah, what a fantastic venue you have. I will check it out with mine. The official line is that they need numbers 4 weeks in advance and that's final, but a friend had a wedding there and had to cancel five guests 2 days before due to illness and they didn't charge her, so maybe it's at their discretion.

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GroomDude1 Posts : 4 Registered: 3/3/10
Re: What is with people not making up their mind?
Posted: Sep 10, 2010 5:18 PM Go to message in response to: KateLouise

Yeah, I had a destination wedding in Mexico and we actually had two families who paid deposits for rooms and three weeks before the event called us to tell us they hadn't gotten their plane tickets and that fares were too expensive and were not coming. And one of them even had the gall to ask for their deposit back.

I thinks a small number of no-shows and pains-in-the-butt are to be expected, but what we found was that the easier we made it to RSVP, the better the response rate and the more honest people were. The Internet seems to be creating lots of resources for people to do things more easily (as is shown in this wedding planner release from a few days ago), so there's lots out there to make RSVPing and communicating with guests easier and less time intensive.

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August28th Posts : 153 Registered: 1/28/09
Re: What is with people not making up their mind?
Posted: Sep 11, 2010 7:57 PM Go to message in response to: KateLouise

I haven't been on this board in awhile! But I agree, no shows are very rude, however do consider that sometimes they are unavoidable. I was able to go to my cousin's ceremony in July and was very excited about the reception. However, on the way there, our car got dangerously overheated and we had to pull over with smoke coming out of our hood. We had to have friends come pick us up and take us home; having our car towed. We called my aunt to let her know so she didn't think we were being rude by RSVPing and not showing. So while I'm sure most no shows are just people who are rude, know that there are exceptions, and don't be too mad at them!

True love is like a ghost which many talk about but few have ever seen.

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