My Sister Beat Me The Week Of My Wedding

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Sia Posts : 6 Registered: 1/3/08
My Sister Beat Me The Week Of My Wedding
Posted: Jul 10, 2010 10:52 PM

When I got engaged two years ago, my sister (a want-a-be wedding planner) offered to help me with planning my wedding. That was my biggest mistake. My sister is 9 years older than me and has a tendency to sabotage herself, but is a total perfectionist. Its like, if she cant do it right, then she will just set herself up to fail so that she can blame someone else for the failure. Just so you know, my sister is a very angry person. Her husband and her don't get along. He continually leaves her. She has a 5 year old daughter and a step daughter who she makes take care of the 5 year old. My sister works at sprouts and subway (she is 37). She graduated from a private college prep high school and went to a private college for a few years and then dropped out. She should have a good job and a good husband but she has made choices otherwise. She HATES her life and is always angry. All of my family walks on glass around her so that she doesn't get upset. We didn't know she would be physically abusive till the weeks before my wedding.

We had multiple arguments during the planning time. She thought this would be a time that we would become friends and have lots of fun. She wanted me to not include my now husband and mother in the planning process because they wouldn't understand or sway my decisions from what she wanted or take up too much time. At one point she stopped planning for me. That was the best part of the planning process! My mom and I worked on what my husband and I wanted for the wedding and not what my sister wanted. Then a few months before the wedding she stepped back in. She was telling me what to do and I got sick of it! With my best friend in town reinstalling my back bone, I started telling my sister NO! She got more and more upset.

The Sunday before the wedding, we got in a huge fight at the nursery where I was borrowing trees for the wedding. She kept telling me what I originally wanted two years ago and getting upset that I had changed my mind from two years ago on the floor setting. Understand that this was always the case for anything that I changed my mind on. Why cant I change my mind???? I have the right as a human to change! She yelled at me saying she wasn't going to be in the wedding and that my girlfriends could just help with all the decorations (we had a do it yourself wedding). I was honestly relieved that she said she didn't want to come/help.

She called my mom who called us both over to her house. My mom was calming my sister down while I drove there. By the time I got there, she was calmer for my sister. My mom talked about how her and her sisters don't get along well but have a working relationship. She hoped my sister and I could make it through the last week of my wedding with a working relationship. She gave my sister a chance to talk. I honestly don't remember what she said. I sat there quite afraid to talk knowing whatever I said would get turned around and I would loose. ( My mom has no control over my sister) I finally got the nerve to talk during my turn but this was after my sister got two phone calls from her husband. These calls took her from kinda stressed to angry. I said my peace after those calls. She turned everything around. I gave up talking! I had a glass glass of watter on the table. As I looked at it I wanted to throw it across the room so it would break. I stood up and picked up the glass. She stood up and told me to throw the watter at her. I scoffed at her and took the water glass to the kitchen. She yelled at me saying how I was a spoiled brat. I said, "I'm sorry you think I'm spoiled! I'm sorry you hate me!" I then got my purse and shoes and said I was leaving. My mom and sister blocked the only way out of my mothers three story town home. We were on the second story so jumping off the patio was out though I seriously considered it. They wouldn't let me leave. My mom wanted us to calm down and work it out, my sister just yelled at me. As I held my sandals I felt like throwing them across the room out of frustration. My sister looked at me and told me to hit her with my shoes. I scoffed and told her "I do not want to hit you with my shoes!" I said I was leaving and ran in between my mom and sister. They were standing close together so I had to plow through. When this happened my sister fell against the wall. I was almost to the stairs to make my escape and she grabbed me around the neck from behind. I thought "she is going to choke me!" She threw me on the floor! I got up and she was coming at me. I walked backwards as she came at me. I slapped her across the face to keep her way. When her face came around from the slap her eyes had changed to rage. They were scary. I had never seen her like this. Mad yes, but not eyes like this. She came after me and I ran away. She grabbed me from behind around the neck again. This time I thought she is either going to choke me or throw me on the ground. Neither. My mom pulled her off. She then hit me repeatedly on the back. I gave up running. (I am a special education teacher and trained to deal with behaviors and outbursts. But I teach 3-5 year olds. Not adults or teens.) I put myself in my classroom with a student who was having a meltdown. Finally she stopped just long enough for me to run. I grabbed my shoes and ran down the stairs. She was yelling at my mom that she didn't do anything to stop me. She said to my mom "She hit me across the face and you did nothing!" I yelled back as I ran out the front door "I hit you because you threw me on the floor!"

I had no keys, no phone, but could walk the mile to my house. I jumped the the fence surrounding my mothers complex and walked home. I started to cry. I realized she WANTED to hurt me. She WANTED to hurt ME, her SISTER! I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want to do any of the things she said I wanted to do! She wanted to hurt me! I was heart broken.

I got home, my best friend sitting on the couch. Didn't even talk to her. Went to call my mom with her phone but my mom drove up to my house. I thought She was in the car. My mother said she wasn't and so we drove around to talk, just her and I. We got coffee. I couldn't stop crying. Then my mom told me that my sister hit her also the week before. My sister was angry and yelling. My mom went to hug her to calm her down. It always worked. Instead my sister hit my mom all over her back. She was really bruised. I felt I couldn't protect my mom. I couldn't protect my mom from my abusive sister who is almost 40!

I checked my body and had bruises on my chest (I had a strapless wedding dress), a bruise on my left hand next to my ring finger, and bruises I couldn't see on my legs that I could feel when I sat down on my super soft temprapedic bed. The bruises on my chest were not gone by the time of the wedding.

You would think the abuse was enough. She wanted to still be my matron of honor! HELL NO! She was lucky I agreed with my mom to keep her as a maid. I moved her to the last maid in the line. At rehearsal she cried to my mom that she wanted to stand next to my best friend. I told my mother no! When my mom wouldn't stop asking I flashed my bruises that my dress covered and told my grandparents and cousins that my sister beat me on Sunday with no reason.

Side note- When going to the bathroom with my best friend at the rehearsal, she said "If it wasn't for my mom yelling 'that's your sister', I would have had my knew in her rib."

The Friday before my wedding my mom told me she and her best friend were worried my sister would throw a tantrum at the wedding if I didn't move her. That she would take her decorating help and just leave and leave all the work to us. I told my friends and they said they would help if that would happen. I talked to my aunt and she said that the family would help.

While I got dressed, my sister came in and out of the room crying to my mom. She gave me this letter with some story that was made up about us dancing in my mothers wedding dress as kids. My mothers dress was never accessible to us. No apology. NOTHING! I thanked her. When I was already to go, I took my one male bridesmaid {we called him a bridesman :) } to talk to my sister to inform her she could not be my matron of honor. I said "I want to thank you for your help, your understanding and your support of my decisions at my wedding." She said "Does that mean I can stand next to your best friend as the matron of honor?" "I'm sorry I cannot have you as my matron of honor." Then she said something about wishing something. Honestly, I don't remember. I said "I wish you didn't beat me the Sunday before my wedding." "Well I wish you didn't ram you against the wall and mess up my shoulder!" (my mother has stated that the injury mentioned was caused when she stopped my sister from hitting me) I walked away. She came over to me where I was with my party and said with anger in her voice , "I just wanted to say," "Not now!" "No I wanted to say," "NO!" I left and waited in the bathroom for the next 30 min while she tantrumed in front of our cousin's wives, their children, and my aunt. They all left but my aunt who tried to calm my sister down.

Interesting note, when my aunt was trying to calm my sister down, she said "Don't touch me! I could hurt you!"

My best friend finally went in and told then we needed to go. I was 30 min late for my ceremony. We did not take the prewedding pictures.

The list of things my sister took from me...

Seeing my husband right before the ceremony. Seeing his face change when he saw me all done up. (actually he saw me before the ceremony to comfort me from the fight with my sister. I was all red and teary. His face was of concern, not that awe that you should see)

Time and money from me when she cornered my photographer and told him a big lie about how I beat her up

Time and money from me when she cornered my DJ and told him a big lie about how I beat her up

Time and money from me when she cornered my Hair/Make up girl and told him a big lie about how I beat her up

Time, money and my reputation from me when she cornered the guy who sets up the hall at the cultural center and told him a big lie about how I beat her up ( I have been slight friends with this guy for over 6 years. But not good enough for him to really know me)

The photo session before the wedding started-I had to reschedule a photo shoot and pay another $400 for the session and hair (all together)

She has slandered my name to anyone who would listen.

Now she is trying to blame me for he damaged shoulder and guilt me with the possible surgery. I don't care about her bloody shoulder! I HATE HER! And I HATE what She did!!!! I HATE HER!

Christine and Josh

March 2010 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: My Sister Beat Me The Week Of My Wedding
Posted: Jul 12, 2010 12:51 AM Go to message in response to: Sia

Dear Christine,

Call the police and report the assault on both you and your mother.

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Sia Posts : 6 Registered: 1/3/08
Re: My Sister Beat Me The Week Of My Wedding
Posted: Jul 12, 2010 3:00 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

But its been 3 months since the abuse. I dont know if they can do anything now. And I dont want to loose my contact with my two nieces.... Wanting to see them makes it complicated...

Christine and Josh

March 2010 

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: My Sister Beat Me The Week Of My Wedding
Posted: Jul 12, 2010 11:32 AM Go to message in response to: Sia

Your sister has rage issues. If she's beating you up and your mother, then you've got an obligation to report her for those kids sake, period. Doesn't sound to me like she should have custody of those kids at all.

By the way, when both your mother and your sister held you in a room against your will? That's kidnapping.

On another note, you should to someone yourself, i.e. a counselor or psychologist. It's been three months since your own wedding, and you're still feeling angry and victimized(and who could blame you?); it's a good idea for you figure out how to deal with that. You are the victim of a violent assault -- I recommend counseling to anyone who has been through that.

__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: My Sister Beat Me The Week Of My Wedding
Posted: Jul 12, 2010 12:39 PM Go to message in response to: Sia

Dear Sia,

So, you are going to continue to let her get away with assault, possibly endangering those children as well?

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Sia Posts : 6 Registered: 1/3/08
Re: My Sister Beat Me The Week Of My Wedding
Posted: Jul 18, 2010 12:38 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

I am going to counseling. Saw her once and then went out of town for a conference. We have another appointment this week. I guess I just needed to know that other people think it is as wrong as I do.

Christine and Josh

March 2010 

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jessc2010 Posts : 19 Registered: 2/7/10
Re: My Sister Beat Me The Week Of My Wedding
Posted: Sep 2, 2010 2:21 PM Go to message in response to: Sia

I have two sisters, and we have had ALOT of disagreements and fights. We have gotten mad and hit each other, but I have NEVER EVER thrown one of my sisters on the ground and full out beat them or choked them!! your sister definitely has a problem that someone of authority needs to address.

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Re: My Sister Beat Me The Week Of My Wedding
Posted: Sep 12, 2012 3:33 AM Go to message in response to: Sia

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Re: My Sister Beat Me The Week Of My Wedding
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