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Is there an etiquette? Getting engaged after his sister got engaged?

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onlyHearts Posts : 1 Registered: 8/31/10
Is there an etiquette? Getting engaged after his sister got engaged?
Posted: Aug 31, 2010 1:08 PM

My boyfriend and I have been looking at rings, talking about a wedding, a family, etc, so I know the proposal is coming soon. This past weekend his sister got engaged. They are all very excited about this and I'm thinking...now what? Should we put off getting engaged? Or should we go ahead? It feels a little strange since they got engaged I feel like we will be old news. I really want everyone to be as excited as we will be! Any advice?

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aisle_dasher Posts : 3 Registered: 8/31/10
Re: Is there an etiquette? Getting engaged after his sister got engaged?
Posted: Aug 31, 2010 1:46 PM Go to message in response to: onlyHearts

I'm sure people will have different views, but I'd wait at least one month, so hopefully your beau is on the same page as that :o)

I'm trying to put myself in your fsil's shoes. I think a month is enough time between the events to make it exciting for both you and her! I'm sure everyone will be excited for you both regardless, and find it unique to have two engagements close together, rather than one trying to steal another's thunder.

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SpideyBridey Posts : 66 Registered: 5/17/09
Re: Is there an etiquette? Getting engaged after his sister got engaged?
Posted: Aug 31, 2010 1:52 PM Go to message in response to: onlyHearts

By no means should you put off getting engaged. Just because your proposals happen around the same time, does not mean your wedding day will also (which is really what it's about after all!). This sister may feel that a little bit of her thunder has been taken away for a moment because another family member is engaged. I'm sure this feeling will fade for her, however, I wouldn't set a wedding date so close to hers (i.e not a week before or after).

Usually the MOB is more involved with the planning than the MOG. Since you will be planning the wedding with your own mother, this sister will be able to have that spotlight when planning with her mother and will not feel over-shadowed by your wedding.

Daisypath Wedding tickers

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Is there an etiquette? Getting engaged after his sister got engaged?
Posted: Aug 31, 2010 3:08 PM Go to message in response to: onlyHearts

Dear Only,

There really isn't a Proper Etiquette answer for relations between two sisters. Proper Etiquette is more concerned with one's actions around more distant family, friends, and total strangers.

You know your sister better than any of us. You know if she would be hurt or excited if you announced an engagement soon after her announcement. You know the past history of your sister. You know if she is a spoiled brat or if she has a heart of gold.

Think about all those things, discuss it with FH, then come up with an action plan. You might decide to wait a month or so, then announce.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Is there an etiquette? Getting engaged after his sister got engaged?
Posted: Aug 31, 2010 3:17 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

AOTB - It's his sister, not hers. So discussing it with her soon to be FH is the way to go.

While I don't think you should put your life on hold, waiting a month wouldn't be the end of the world. And if your soon to be FH is close to his sister, he could always call her and test the waters so to speak.

But do keep in mind that everyone else is not going to be as excited for your wedding as you are - that's just a good mantra to keep in mind.

 

 

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Is there an etiquette? Getting engaged after his sister got engaged?
Posted: Aug 31, 2010 3:19 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Dear PTG,

"It's his sister, not hers. So discussing it with her soon to be FH is the way to go."

Whoops! My mistake. Thanks for catching my back!

To the OP:

Yes, indeed, discuss it with FH and then let him have a private brother-to-sister-only chat. He knows her better than you do.

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WeddingInvitati... Posts : 22 Registered: 8/23/10
Re: Is there an etiquette? Getting engaged after his sister got engaged?
Posted: Aug 31, 2010 4:27 PM Go to message in response to: onlyHearts

Only,
I think this is a tough situation because you're only engaged once and you want this time to be special for you. You also don't want to take her thunder but I don't think it's right to wait months and months. It might be cool to be engaged together and get to plan things and help each other out. I think having your FH talk to his sister or his mom and feel it out first is the best idea.

My boyfriend's sister is younger than him and has been w/ her bf less time than me and him and they got engaged on a family vacation just at the time we were talking about it happening to us. It hurts to be in this situation similar to yours bc you want it to be you but you want to have your own time to shine.

My advice is have him talk to her and his mom to get the general feeling on the subject but by no means wait a while to take the next step. If you were talking about it and it was going to happen there is no reason why it should be delayed more than a few months.

good luck!

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Beeble Posts : 307 Registered: 11/19/09
Re: Is there an etiquette? Getting engaged after his sister got engaged?
Posted: Sep 2, 2010 2:18 PM Go to message in response to: WeddingInvitati...

No, I don't think there is an etiquette. I think for one it depends a lot on family size. If he is one of a family of 9 then there are bound to be weddings/engagements etc around the same time. If it's just him and his sister he might want to wait.

My SO and I were talking about getting engaged last summer, MY SO asked for my ring size etc. Then his sis got engaged and he said he didn't want to overwhelm his parents or steal his sisters lime light. So he said we should wait to get engaged until after the wedding. I was still very hopefull for a christmas proposal, but that came and went. Well she just got married at the end of Aug, and I guess he has been mentioning things to his mom about what kind of dress he wants me to wear, and the other day he was trying on my rings and asking me what finger it fit on.

So, like the PP have said, it will really be up to your BF to make the decision about how long he wants to put it off.

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