All we want is money

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
All we want is money
Posted: Aug 24, 2010 12:04 PM

I made registries for my bridal shower and my shower came and went and I got the gifts that I want and everything was great. However I have noticed that some of the gifts on the list were purchashed but I didn't get them. This made me think that guests have bought gifts already to give us as wedding gifts. However, I would prefer money as the wedding gift because with that money I would pay off the wedding charges. Will it be ok if I delete my registry as a hint to tell people that all we want is money? Or should I just keep it up in case some people have their hearts set on buying us something nice? But we really need the money! I already mentioned it to my close family and friends that if anyone asks to tell them that we have everything already and money would be best. I hope word of mouth spreads.

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angiebgreat Posts : 11 Registered: 8/20/10
Re: All we want is money
Posted: Aug 24, 2010 12:59 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

First love your wedding site, beautiful! Love the theme, colors, venue... everything.

Regarding the money issue, I would suggest putting on your site a little blurb about "needing gift ideas?" and letting them know that you are asking for "weddinghouse funds" that way they can see that your planning for a great future together, and letting them know about what great gifts you have received already and that you are really appreciative but would like to help them with where to put their money! (like picutres of the house)

If you do have a registery I'd remove it.

Id also pass the word along to family and good friends so they know that you are having no gifts just a "house fund" so if they are asked they know where to direct on ideas. I have heard of some brides put an acutal link up to the account because there are so many "online gift purchasers" now adays it helped them too!

As Im typing this it sounds so funny to me to be asking other for money, but times have changed, and if you feel ok with it do it!

Edited by: angiebgreat on Aug 24, 2010 10:02 AM

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: All we want is money
Posted: Aug 24, 2010 2:11 PM Go to message in response to: angiebgreat

Anyone have the popcorn?? Based on the topic, there may be a need for some!!

There is no polite way to do what you propose doing.

Edited by: cyndi33 on Aug 24, 2010 2:11 PM

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RebeccaFazzio Posts : 323 Registered: 10/28/07
Re: All we want is money
Posted: Aug 24, 2010 3:57 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

Cheetah:

I know you mean well and aren't a "money grubbing bride" but there simply isn't a way to ask for money. It is rude and distasteful. Sure, you can delete your registry but you'll probably get a lot of gifts that don't match what you've already gotten and you probably won't like them.

Most people will buy you a present unless they usually give money as a gift. Even with your parents or close friends telling them you would prefer money they will still most likely get you a gift.

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VšnTillBruden Posts : 353 Registered: 1/16/10
Re: All we want is money
Posted: Aug 24, 2010 5:03 PM Go to message in response to: cyndi33

Cyndi,

While I think that popcorn is definitely necessary in other threads with this topic, Cheetah is a pretty seasoned veteran on this site. All of the regulars who would normally criticize a bride for this sort of behavior already know Cheetah isn't a money grubber by any means.

THAT SAID, I still have popcorn & some Snickers I'm totally willing to share.

Love me when I least deserve it, because that is when I need it the most. (Swedish proverb)

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: All we want is money
Posted: Aug 24, 2010 5:10 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

Dear CA,

" Will it be ok if I delete my registry as a hint to tell people that all we want is money?"

You can delete your registry and let people draw their own conclusions. Usually when there's no registry, the typical conclusion is "They want the dough".

Of course you may not outight tell people you want money. You already know that.

Ummm... why so over budget? Did you start out with $X and end up spending more than $X? That's a problem in itself.

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: All we want is money
Posted: Aug 24, 2010 5:13 PM Go to message in response to: VšnTillBruden

Yes, however read the PP abg reply.

Thus, the popcorn. I am out, and can't get myself to the store alone yet! So, I need to borrow from others.

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KateLouise Posts : 40 Registered: 7/16/10
Re: All we want is money
Posted: Aug 25, 2010 4:46 AM Go to message in response to: cyndi33

You know your friends and family better than we do. I know if I were to delete my registry, 95% of my guests would think "Oh great! That means they want me to choose a gift for them!" Cue influx of silver candlesticks and toasters (not that I have anything against either of these). This would be regardless of any hints spread about preferring money. Of course, your guests may be different.

If you're over budget, I would just cut back on what I could.

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: All we want is money
Posted: Aug 25, 2010 7:34 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I am not a money grubber by any means. I am already cutting down costs by not having a limo and not having the photographer stay for the whole time. I guess things just have added up little by little. It happens :( I'm just really stressed right now and as the wedding is getting closer I am getting anxiety. I just wanted to know if I should get rid of the registry. That's all. Thanks.

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: All we want is money
Posted: Aug 25, 2010 9:43 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I know you're not, Cheetah, my response wasn't directed at you. ANyway, can you sit down with your FH and go through your budget? Is it realistic? You still have some time, but stress like that can really eat at you between now and your wedding. ANd if you've had to charge things, then that is likely to add even more stress.

I know budgets are tough, they suck, we have a horrible one right now due to other reasons, but...

they also aren't something that will go away. So, can you go back through it, and make sure that the budget you do have is realistic, and not underestimated? I mean, even after cutting out what you did. Because really, it's not going to be good for you guys to count on people giving money to pay off debt from going over, because, if people don't give money then you're stuck paying that off which will only add to stress after the wedding, and before worrying about it.

Some people will, but no matter what you do some will still get gifts. Plus, there's already enough stress planning without worrying about how you're going to pay things off afterward. What happened? Did something just end up costing more than you'd planned, did some of your money source fall through?

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: All we want is money
Posted: Aug 25, 2010 10:30 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

Don't delete your registy. People have already bought from it for your shower; if you delete it, people will wonder where it went and if you really wanted the gifts you got. It will also confuse people who have already bought gifts off it for your wedding.

My suggestion? Reduce it. Delete items you haven't gotten. This way, if a guest looks at it, they'll think, oh, she has a registry, this is the kind of stuff she likes, but she doesn't need anything more, so I'll just give her cash.

That's what I do when I see a registry with not much left on it, anyway. I either give cash, or a store gift card.

Now, if you end up with a bunch of store gift cards, then after the wedding you've got two options:

1) return the gifts you've gotten, provided the store gives cash returns. (I know Bed, Bath & Beyond does, which is why I registered there.) Then re-buy the gifts with your gift cards.

2) Keep the gift cards around -- they make excellent options for re-gifting come Christmas or other weddings.

But honestly? I think all this advice is moot and you shouldn't stress about it. You'll get more cash than you think, I bet.

P.S. I know I've broken a cardinal etiquette rule here by even suggesting returning gifts for cash, but, hey, I'm a practical girl who believes in maximum flexibility when it comes to money. (Especially during a recession.) So be it.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: All we want is money
Posted: Aug 25, 2010 10:36 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

Cheetah - I knew you weren't going to send out an email to your guests saying all you wanted was money. LOL Although I'm sure some have.

Actually, I agree with MrsD. Go ahead and reduce your registry.

I think that that's the best bet.

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kellyheartsjeff Posts : 66 Registered: 2/25/09
Re: All we want is money
Posted: Aug 25, 2010 11:36 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I agree with Mrs. D as well - reduce your registry a bunch, but still leave a few things on there at all price points. And like Mrs. D said - I would leave more things on the registry at stores that will let you return gifts for cash. Bed, Bath & Beyond is one of them - so if you get gifts from there and do not want them you can return them and get the money you DO want instead.

I just had my bridal shower as well and have pared down the registries quite a bit. However, I was talking to my mom about it yesterday and she said to make sure there are still items available on it. She, personally, NEVER gives money as a wedding gift - she said she likes to give something she knows the couple will have forever and will think of her every time they use it (example: china, very nice stand mixer, crystal, etc).

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: All we want is money
Posted: Aug 25, 2010 12:41 PM Go to message in response to: kellyheartsjeff

Thatís what Iím going to do. Thanks for the suggestions. I will still keep the registry open so that way people can see what gifts were bought. There really isnít much left on the lists anyway. I registered at Bed Bath and Beyond and Target.

I think I am stressing because I didnít realize how much taxes and tips were going to be for my venue. Taxes and tips were about an additional $1500!! We still have the money to pay for the reception. But a lot of smaller items have been put on the credit card and itís all adding up. I am breaking etiquette and having my bridesmaids pay for their own hair and makeup because I canít afford it. My dress alteration cost almost as much as my dress!! I was not expecting that. The invitations were on the pricy side (but I wanted those) but the stamps were $100! I wasnít expecting stamps to add up. My credit cards were already full and I just made them more full. I feel awful and that is why I am freaking out over not being able to pay them off with the cash we get from the wedding. It sounds awful but I really only have myself to blame.

We still have to buy the wedding party and the parents their gifts. How can I go about giving them nice but inexpensive gifts?

Weíre not have a limo, we cut down costs by not having the photographer stay long or the videographer. We decided to have one at the last minute. He is not overly pricey like others but still pricy enough. I figured I spent almost 2 years planning the wedding so I better have a way to remember everything. We are already getting a discount from the venue. But I may ask for another one by limiting the amount of appetizers. Weíre also limiting on the decorations in order to save money.

Today I am having my hair and make up trial and thatís another cost :(

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Visit my wedding website http://www.mywedding.com/alanandjarlyn

Check out my wedding pictures in the photo gallery of my wedding website!!! :)

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: All we want is money
Posted: Aug 25, 2010 12:43 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

How can I go about giving them nice but inexpensive gifts?

Make them something.

Or I found diamond jewelry for my girls at Kohl's for under $20.

Yes, that tax and gratuity nail you.

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