how would you feel if your SIL....

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LinzZ Posts : 683 Registered: 12/13/07
how would you feel if your SIL....
Posted: Aug 7, 2010 10:32 PM

Something has been nagging the back of my mind lately and I doubt this will ever end up being a real concern, but I wanted some opinions and thought you ladies might be willing to provide me with some.

For those who took/are taking your husband's last name and dropped yours, how would you feel if your brother's bride had the same first name you do and planned to take your brother's last name (ie. your maiden name)?
Example: You are Jane Smith. You fall in love with and marry John Walker. You become Jane Walker. Your brother, Joe Smith, falls in love with and marries a Jane Doe. Jane Doe takes the last name Smith (her husband/ your brother's name) and is the NEW Jane Smith. Would it make you uncomfortable that your sister-in-law now has your old name?

What if your husband had a sister with the same first name you do, could you take your husband's last name? I don't think I could. I MIGHT be willing to hyphenate in that case, but I'm not sure.

I ask because my brother's GF and I have the same first name. I don't think they are at all serious enough to even talk about marriage, but she commented the other day that she would be the new "Jane Smith" in a hypotheical way. It bothered me. Part of that stems from the fact that I'm not sure I even like this girl. There is a bad history, so it would bother me a lot that SHE would be the new "Jane Smith." But after thinking about it, it would bother me if anyone were. What's your opinion?

Cherish Yesterday, Dream for Tomorrow, Live Today!


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: how would you feel if your SIL....
Posted: Aug 8, 2010 11:24 AM Go to message in response to: LinzZ

Dear Linz,

It might bother me, but I'd have to keep that to myself. What someone else does is their business.

Remember that talk about Private Thoughts vs Public Expression?

In your Private Thoughts you could be as ticked off as you like. Your Public Expression must be different.

"I'll have to get used to calling someone else by a name I used to have! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!" (pleasant, smiling tone of voice)


I went through life with the exact same name as my mother. I was named after her, and my (idiot) parents didn't think to start me out with a nickname for some differentiation. I NEVER liked being named after my mother. It was always confusing. I also have a young niece named after her grandmother. The two live under the same roof, and it's similarly confusing.

When I talk to pregnant friends, and the subject of baby names comes around, I always suggest they avoid naming the kid after one of the parents. If they must do so, then pick a nickname variation of the common name that will uniquely identify the kid. (Robert and Bob, for example.)

My parents weren't really such idiots, but when it came to naming their children, they took leave of their senses. My brother's name also my father's, but he was called by his middle name.


Mrslinnben Posts : 2,285 Registered: 6/4/07
Re: how would you feel if your SIL....
Posted: Aug 9, 2010 2:43 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

My friend is named after her mom & grandmother....Her gradmother went by Margaret, her mom went by Peg, and she goes by Peggy....and now my friend's (Peggy) daughter is named Maggie....keeping the Margaret tradition!

LinzZ....I would be annoyed too if this girl became the new your (in name only).


VšnTillBruden Posts : 353 Registered: 1/16/10
Re: how would you feel if your SIL....
Posted: Aug 9, 2010 5:58 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Aunt actually raises a very good point about same names. My brother had the exact same name as my father (different middle names, but we don't do the Sr. or Jr. thing here in Sweden), and it lead to some problems with mistaken identity when it came to taxes and what not. I've actually heard of quite a few women (and men) being mistaken for their parents (or for their children) when they go for a credit check and wind up in a load of trouble, unintentionally, of course.

Love me when I least deserve it, because that is when I need it the most. (Swedish proverb)


PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: how would you feel if your SIL....
Posted: Aug 10, 2010 12:25 AM Go to message in response to: VšnTillBruden

Actually the whole credit thing came to mind for me too.

My friend got married and her married name is the same as her 'new' SIL. She's divorced but she didn't change her name back b/c of her kids.

She gets phone calls all the time from money collectors for her ex-SIL's debts - even though they have DIFFERENT socials.

But other than that - it's a name. Sure you can feel however you want about it, but I'm with AOTB - feeling what you feel is fine but you just don't express it.


LinzZ Posts : 683 Registered: 12/13/07
Re: how would you feel if your SIL....
Posted: Aug 10, 2010 10:28 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I wouldn't express my feelings on the situation. If she ever were to become my SIL, I would want a polite relationship with her. This would just cause trouble. I've mentioned it to my cousin (my best friend) who also feels the same way I do towards this girl because this girl was NOT nice to my cousin in the past (down right nasty actually). But that's as far as that would ever get to public knowledge.

I was more interested in your personal thoughts.

My uncle, Mike, married a woman, she took his name. Her new name was, let's say, Linda Marie Marks. My uncle, Greg, got engaged to a Linda Marie, also. Her name would have also been Linda Marie Marks. Greg's engagement fell through though, so that never became a real problem. We called them Mike's Lisa and Greg's Lisa, haha.

I have a cousin who is a Third. He, his grandfather (no longer with us), and dad get mixed up all the time. We call my uncle Bill and my cousin Will.

Cherish Yesterday, Dream for Tomorrow, Live Today!


dodgercpkl Posts : 130 Registered: 9/27/09
Re: how would you feel if your SIL....
Posted: Aug 14, 2010 1:44 AM Go to message in response to: LinzZ

Considering that I have a fairly common first, middle, and last name, this type of situation wouldn't bother me anymore then it does in other aspects of life. There are already thousands of "me" out there. The credit thing is the only potential issue in this situation in my mind and it would definitely be something to keep an eye on should it happen. Being that there are thousands of "me" out there already, it's something I have to deal with somewhat regularly. In fact I even get calls and letters all the time for a guy with the same 1st name and last name (but his first is spelled differently) and DIFFERENT middle name ALL the time. Apparently he's not good with his payments.... grrr

I have to admit, I'm loving my new -not common- last name! lol


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