MOH buying salt covenant kit without my knowledge?
Posted: Jul 27, 2010 2:39 AM
A few weeks ago one of my MOHs sent me a link to another bridal site, the link was to an article about invitations. After I read that article I browsed around the site and found an article about a salt covenant ceremony. The article was basically an ad for a salt covenant kit you could buy. I hated the kit but loved the idea since my fiancee and I are cooks and salt is very important to us. We are agnostic so it has no religious meaning to us, I had never heard about it before that article. I decided instead of buying the kit I would buy a jar or bottle and have it engraved with our names and date to put the salt in.
I didn't tell anyone about it until a few nights ago when I mentioned at a get-together with my MOHs that I liked the idea. The MOH who had sent me the link to that website then told me that she had bought us one. After a few "Whats?" and confused look from my fiancee, my other MOH and myself, she said "Yeah, I actually bought it for you guys. It's my job!" After that we just kinda dropped the subject.
I feel it was inappropriate for her to buy us something like that for the ceremony without consulting us, since it is not typically part of a ceremony and she did not know we were planning to do it. I don't know what to do since the kit she bought is very not our taste. It is meant to be a salt cellar which I would never use since I already have one that is very special to me that my fiancee bought.
I don't know what I should tell her since I already have something picked out for the salt covenant and really dislike the kit she bought. I'm also concerned about her thinking that this is her job. Any advice?
Just let her know how much you appreciate her thoughtfulness; however, because you liked the concept, you had already modified it to your needs for your ceremony.
Let her know you'll put hers on display near the guestbook so that people can read about it and familiarize themselves with it (I'm sure she already had it engraved, so there is no returning it).
I've not heard of them either, but since you've mentioned your religion, it sounds as if the one she bought has religious overtones that you do not feel comfortable with.
Also, very gently let her know that the ceremony itself is being created by you and your FH, and while you appreciate very much her support....you'd prefer that she leave the actual marriage ceremony to you two...as you're the ones making the covenant with one another, you want to very carefully select each portion of the ceremony. But you're thrilled she supports you so much and she want to help.
(Then Assign her something. She wants a job, give her one. be it planning some sort of morning ritual with you and the bridesmaids the day of the wedding or the bachelorette or a bridal tea.)
Her heart was in the right place, but she does need to know that you and your FH really want to have complete control over your marriage ceremony. Also, let her know how much you appreciate her FINDING the salt covenant concept.
I had a similar problem when I got married. I did not want a garter, and told a friend, very specifically, that I did not want a garter.
She made me a garter, anyway. (sigh)
It was hard, but I had to be honest. "That was very nice of you, but I won't be able to wear it. I don't like the idea of flying underwear at weddings. What others do is their business. At my wedding, it's my business and I don't want a garter."
The truth usually works best- tell her you already decided to do the salt ceremony with a kit of your own making and that you were so surprised when she mentioned she bought you a kit and that is why you didn't mention it to her before. Tell her it was very thoughtful (which it was... even if it did overstep the bounds of the average MOH!) and then offer to help her figure out what to do with this salt kit she has now (keep it for a future wedding, sell it online, etc.). Hope that helps!