Mother of Bride Not Attending

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CocaMarie1378 Posts : 76 Registered: 11/4/06
Mother of Bride Not Attending
Posted: Jul 17, 2010 12:27 PM

My mother and I have not spoken in months and I'm at a lost. I have not gone to look at any dresses and time is not waiting for anyone. I have tried to patch things up with my mother but she told me,"that she does not have a daughter," and hung up the phone. I do not know what it is that I have done and have continuously asked her. All she does is hang up and not say anything. I have even apologized for something that I have not done. What is suppose to be the happiest day of my life is turning into a nightmare. I do not reside in the same city with my mother and my FH has tried to intervene. If he calls she answers and speaks with him but she refuses to speak with me. I have put off going to dress shop because of this. Although, my wedding is still months away, I'm getting down to the crunch with looking for the perfect dress. No one in my bridal party resides in the same city with me so I'll be dress shopping by myself. Am at a lost and don't know what to do. Should I still include her name on thing that has to do with the wedding?

Edited by: FutureMzKABirch on Jul 17, 2010 12:38 PM

Wishing you PEACE, LOVE and HAPPINESS

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agd1017 Posts : 464 Registered: 9/14/09
Re: Mother of Bride Not Attending
Posted: Jul 17, 2010 2:57 PM Go to message in response to: CocaMarie1378

I am sorry your mother is acting this way. Is there nothing you can think of that might be the reason she suddenly wants nothing to do with you? When did this start? What happened around that time?

Is your father in the picture, or a stepfather, that can step in and mediate this? It sounds like it is really bothering you and preventing you from truly enjoying planning the most important day of your life.

As it stands right now, I would not include her name on the invitations or anything. She is not contributing, she is not even attending. She is not a host by any stretch of the word, and therefore she does not go on the invitation.

Hugs. Good luck!

Amanda and Eric
10/10/10

Amanda and Eric

 

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CocaMarie1378 Posts : 76 Registered: 11/4/06
Re: Mother of Bride Not Attending
Posted: Jul 17, 2010 3:07 PM Go to message in response to: agd1017

My parents are not married and yes I have spoken to my father about it. He told me to just go on with my plans and let her see the errors of her ways. That is easier said than done. The only thing that truly happened was that I moved from my home town of New Orleans to Atlanta for a job. She had stopped speaking to me prior to my move. Maybe like a month prior. I have gone over this a million times in my head and still has not figured it out yet. My FH wants me to be the bigger person and still have her named on everything just in case she comes around and attend. But I still do not know.

Wishing you PEACE, LOVE and HAPPINESS

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agd1017 Posts : 464 Registered: 9/14/09
Re: Mother of Bride Not Attending
Posted: Jul 17, 2010 6:45 PM Go to message in response to: CocaMarie1378

It's truly a decision only you can make. I appreciate that your FH wants to include her name, just in case things change before the wedding. And that's something that is up to you, and him.

You came on here looking for advice, so I'll give you mine. Write a letter to your mom, tell her how you feel. Ask her if there is anything you can do to repair the relationship. Tell her you want her to be at the wedding, but that you won't play her childish game. If she chooses to be a part of your life, she needs to step up now and act like an adult.

If she doesn't respond... then I think you have your answer.

Good luck.

Amanda and Eric
10/10/10

Amanda and Eric

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Mother of Bride Not Attending
Posted: Jul 17, 2010 6:48 PM Go to message in response to: CocaMarie1378

Dear Ms B,

" He told me to just go on with my plans and let her see the errors of her ways."

Your father is right. That is really all you can do.

I do not agree with your FH in putting her name down as hostess of the event. It will look kind of weird if the hostess does not show up.

I truly sympathize with you. Sometimes people "of a certain age" just get crazy thoughts in their head. It may have nothing to do with you. Maybe she thinks that having a married daughter makes her look older. I don't know; I don't do remote psychoanalysis.

The only person whose behavior you can control is your own. You can plan your wedding the best you can and have a lovely day. If anyone asks "Where is your mother?" just say "She could not attend" and change the subject.

Would your father like to go dress shopping with you? If I was in that kind of situation, my dad would have certainly gone dress shopping and would have made it a lot of fun.

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myras Posts : 396 Registered: 2/26/10
Re: Mother of Bride Not Attending
Posted: Jul 18, 2010 1:29 PM Go to message in response to: CocaMarie1378

As the others have said, the only person whose behavior you can control is you. Even if she's angry over the "empty nest," her behavior is pretty extreme, to say the least. In fact, in sounds pretty crazy. Your FH is wrong to intervene, push you to include her, or otherwise influence your relationship. This is between you and your Mom--or, really, it's within you, since she already has said that "she does not have a daughter."It's truly sad that you can't have the mother you want and deserve,especially at a time like this, but that's the way it is. So, you can hope that she comes around, but you need to move on with Plan B, which is that she will not be part of your day(or your life).

How about going dress shopping with your FH? Many brides do that. So, big deal, the dress won't be a surprise. on the other hand, you'll be sure that he likes it, and he'll still be moved when he sees you all dolled up.

If you wish to write a letter to your Mom, write it. But, be prepared for her crazy behavior to stay the same. By the way, you never mentioned whether or not this is the first time she has behaved so oddly. If this is her habit, then a wedding is the perfect time to bring it out. If this is never-before-seen behavior, then she probably needs a medical/psychiatric workup to find out what's going on.

myra@classysassyweddings.com

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Mother of Bride Not Attending
Posted: Jul 19, 2010 3:09 PM Go to message in response to: CocaMarie1378

Ok I dont mean to be harsh but moms really don't just randomly stop talking to their kids for no reason whatsoever. Even if they do have empty nest syndrome. Something must have happened here that leads her to not speak to you. As pointless or serious as it may be I feel like you are leaving something out so that we side with you.

However whatever the reason might be, she isnt' talking to you. And if you have tried to reach out to no response then you need to move on and keep planning without her. But if she is really mad over "empty nest" to the point where she isn't speaking to you for months, do you really WANT her involved in the planning? Sounds rather dramatic to me.

a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/">

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CocaMarie1378 Posts : 76 Registered: 11/4/06
Re: Mother of Bride Not Attending
Posted: Jul 22, 2010 9:53 AM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

I would like to thank everyone who has posted to my message. To the last poster, I have no reason to want anyone to side with me on this particular issue. I did not leave anything out and truly is hurt by my mother's lack of being the "adult" in this situation. I have discussed with my FH to stay out of it and to no longer try and mend things between us. I feel that if she feels that I had done anything wrong, that she should be the one to come to me and tell me what it is that is wrong. I did as one poster suggested and write her a letter, the thing is that I became so emotional that I had to stop writing it. I truly have placed the entire situation to the side and is going on with the planning of my wedding. With time going by and going on so must the planning. I have so much to do with my time, that I do not want to spend anymore of it on something that is negative. Many of you have asked if she has done this in the past and the answer is yes but not for this amount of time. With all this said, I am not including her name on anything for I feel that she may not show up. So once again thank you for your suggestions and happy planning and merry weddings to all.

Wishing you PEACE, LOVE and HAPPINESS

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swichwang34 Posts : 657 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: Mother of Bride Not Attending
Posted: Sep 15, 2012 7:24 PM Go to message in response to: CocaMarie1378

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swichwang34 Posts : 657 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: Mother of Bride Not Attending
Posted: Sep 16, 2012 12:53 AM Go to message in response to: CocaMarie1378

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Click Here: http://www.jenniferbridal.com/designer-bridal-collections-maggie-sottero-c-420_467.html

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