Ok so my Fiances mother,is English and has no daughters. She has also lived in the US for 20 years!!!!!! She is being so negative, I am sick of hearing "thats not what they do in England, thats stupid". "I hate how they do showers over here" "its like a competition" "thats not what they do in South Africa, we did a night tea" and thats just a few things. My parents are taking care of pretty much everything except for the liqour (my fainces parents insisted on taking care of the liquor). My fiance has been very involved and helping with everything, his mother on the other hand just negative.
I try to ignore it, but its really driving me nuts because its more and more lately, the closer we get to the wedding. How do I approach her in a tasteful way? And then the shower thing if shes going to complain the whole time, how do I say you dont have to come to my families shower if you dont like them, if want to throw a shower, like your a customed to, please feel free, how do I say that nicer!!!!!!
Also we told her that the poprawiny is the day after the wedding at the brides parents house, and she new this and yes she has family coming in from England and wants to have a BBQ but cant she have that after the brunch for just her family?
There are people, everywhere, who live in Place A and constanly compare Place A to the "better" Place B.
Ex-pat Americans in Europe do that. "Why can't we get Oreo cookies here?"
Brits in America do that. "Why do they insist on serving beer cold here?"
I do a lot of travel, and hear that all the time. I find it really irritating. Especially when I am at a party or something and some other American approaches me with "Oh, don't you think bla bla bla here is so terrible?".
Bottom line: There's nothing you can do about FMIL's griping. Just tune it out. You'll be hearing complaints about the US and how Americans do things for years to come.
"Also we told her that the poprawiny is the day after the wedding at the brides parents house, and she new this and yes she has family coming in from England and wants to have a BBQ but cant she have that after the brunch for just her family? "
What in the world is a "poprawiny"? I am clueless.
If your parents are in charge of the wedding day, why not let her take over the day after? Or, why not let her throw a BBQ for the rehearsal dinner? That's the "usual" event hosted by the groom's parents.
Is your FH a speechless robot? If not, then HE is the one to say, "That's not the way it's done here, Mom." YOU don't have to figure out how to approach her. She is being rude, critical, and demanding. Let her own son deal with her. If his parents wish to put on part of the wedding, they are welcome to--as it's done in American (rehearsal dinner, after wedding brunch, etc.) As for the style, let it be tea and crumpets, if that's what they want. It will be their party!