Unity Cermony

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Noelene123 Posts : 19 Registered: 12/21/08
Unity Cermony
Posted: Jul 7, 2010 12:46 AM

My ficanee has been driving me up the wall, first we decided that we would do a unity candle. and Now he thinks that we shouldn't do a unity ceremony. Because its too paganish. Its fliping tradition. He wants a traditional wedding but everything that is traditional he doesn't want to do. Help me because I have no idea what to say. I don't want just a boring wedding. I want a full wedding. He thinks everything should just be his way. help

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candikane026396 Posts : 1 Registered: 1/11/10
Re: Unity Cermony
Posted: Jul 15, 2010 11:04 AM Go to message in response to: Noelene123

We are opting to not have a unity candle also - but we are still having a traditional wedding - traditional in the sense of it being a Christian wedding minus the rituals. You can do something like communion for the two of you or both sip from the same glass of wine maybe even if you aren't Catholic. The unity ceremony is supposed to resemble the two families uniting, but that's not what your wedding is really about. It's actually about you both leaving your families to start your own and become one flesh on your own. I'm assuming you're Christian based on your comment, so if that's the case, you should make sure that there is a Godly reason behind everything or evert ritual that you chose to do for your wedding - since the purpose of the ceremony is the joining of you, your husband and God (not the families). A lot of wedding traditions are either random ideas or they are pagan rituals. I'd google them before making the decision. Just a thought though :) hope it helps!

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STBMrsBW Posts : 21 Registered: 7/16/10
Re: Unity Cermony
Posted: Jul 16, 2010 2:18 PM Go to message in response to: Noelene123

So your FH is driving you nuts with his opinions too? I thought I was the only one! I love him dearly but it is crazy! I never thought a man would be so involved in the planning. It is sweet though, he is helping with all of the DIY projects I have lined up. I have a similar problem with the unity part of the ceremony. My FH keeps telling me he wants traditional but we are having our ceremony outside by the water, not traditional. He wants me to wear a sexy dress, not traditional. So, I have slipped this in on him. He says traditional so whenever he balks at something I want that is traditional I just remind him of what he said. He backs down. But since we are having an outdoor ceremony we can't do the unity candle so I suggested the sand ceremony, plus our theme is beach and sand just goes with the theme. He keeps saying no, he wants the candles but we all know how that will turn out! Perhaps if you suggest the sand ceremony he may be more open to that. It is still traditional in the sense of the "unity" part but it is more modern. He will come around. The unity ceremony is very important in a Christian ceremony but it is really up to you.

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Unity Cermony
Posted: Jul 18, 2010 11:22 AM Go to message in response to: Noelene123

I think you two should compromise. Maybe you can do something that he wants to do and then he can do something that you want to do. Make a list of things that you and him both want and then work from there.

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studek Posts : 2 Registered: 9/26/08
Re: Unity Cermony
Posted: Aug 4, 2010 7:13 PM Go to message in response to: Noelene123

You only single out the unity ceremony - what other traditional ceremonies/events has he nixed? What are the ones that are important to you? Traditional weddings can still be quite full and not boring.

For what it's worth, a unity candle/sand ceremony/unity ceremony isn't traditional - in fact, a fair number of houses of worship don't allow such "traditions" becuase they are pagan in nature, and have only been "traditional" for about as long as our parents have been alive. They're largely a construct of the wedding industry, and gained popularity in the 1970s and 1980s.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Unity Cermony
Posted: Aug 4, 2010 7:59 PM Go to message in response to: studek

Dear Stu,

"For what it's worth, a unity candle/sand ceremony/unity ceremony isn't traditional - in fact, a fair number of houses of worship don't allow such "traditions" becuase they are pagan in nature, and have only been "traditional" for about as long as our parents have been alive. "

True.

I never saw any kind of unity candle or ceremony until about ten years ago, and only in secular (non-religious) ceremonies. Weddings I've seen in churches usually follow the church liturgy and don't need some new invention.

Don't like it? Skip it.

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Kimberly212 Posts : 972 Registered: 9/12/12
Re: Unity Cermony
Posted: Sep 12, 2012 11:00 AM Go to message in response to: Noelene123

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