Bridal Shower Drama

Online Users: 1,234 guest(s), 2 user(s). Replies: 8


ButterflyTiff Posts : 27 Registered: 12/7/09
Bridal Shower Drama
Posted: Jun 30, 2010 4:16 PM

So my family is nuts and everyone is insulted they aren't more involved in my very simple wedding.

Now for the Bridal Shower my MOH said she would do it - told people she would do it (back in Feb - wedding is this Sept) and hasn't done anything. Now my family is all upset she hasn't done anything (and she spoke to them all back then, i guess, and then never called anyone back) and now they won't call her back when she calls. I was all excited, registered etc. and now really am disappointed.

So - I followed up with her because my grandmother would like to know if I am having one as she would need to fly in and her response was "I will let you know on Saturday". My family is like - well, that is what you get for choosing the wrong people in your bridal party" because no invites have gone out etc. and they are like too bad.

So frustrated. Can I just throw one for myself? lol. Should I be upset? I dont know anymore. :(

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Bridal Shower Drama
Posted: Jun 30, 2010 4:59 PM Go to message in response to: ButterflyTiff

Dear BT,

"So frustrated. Can I just throw one for myself?"

NOOOOOOO!!!!!

I know you are just kidding, but, no you cannot throw a shower for yourself. That's the ultimate Gift-Grab Etiquette Felony!!!

I suggest you just sit tight and hope that someone else offers. You might have another friend step up and offer.

" My family is like - well, that is what you get for choosing the wrong people in your bridal party" because no invites have gone out etc. and they are like too bad. "

Yeah, sorry, but that's the way it is. If you want a really reliable Maid of Honor, someone who gets things done on time, you should have picked a really reliable Maid of Honor in the first place. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

You have a perfect right to be frustrated and angry. I would be frustrated and angry, too, if I was in your shoes. Your MOH has dropped the ball, and is acting clueless about something important to you.

I've said it before: There is a huge difference between Private Thoughts and Public Expression.

In your Private Thoughts, you can be as mad as a wet hen at MOH. You can imagine her boiling in oil. You can fantasize about her spilling food all over herself in public, or whatever you like. Watch the final scene in Hairspray and imagine MOH in the Amber character.

Your Public Expression has to be quite different. You don't want to look like an Entitlement Queen, expecting your loyal subjects to plan parties for your amusement. Your Public Expression should be something like "Ok, I understand that a shower is impossible for you these days. Not a problem."

Then, hope someone else steps up. (Note, I suggest it not be your mother, as that is an Etiquette Misdemeanor. Another relative, such as a sister or aunt, can volunteer. A shower hosted by a relative is a minor breach of etiquette, but most people won't notice nor care so long as it is not your mother.)

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ButterflyTiff Posts : 27 Registered: 12/7/09
Re: Bridal Shower Drama
Posted: Jun 30, 2010 5:04 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Thanks. I am trying to be understanding. No worries about it being my mom - she passed 4 years ago next month so she is definitely not planning anything! :) But I know she is looking down on me - maybe it will help. :)

I will try to be patient! And Quiet!

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SpideyBridey Posts : 66 Registered: 5/17/09
Re: Bridal Shower Drama
Posted: Jul 1, 2010 12:04 PM Go to message in response to: ButterflyTiff

Is your MOH the only person is your bridal party? Or do you have bridesmaids? If so, tell them to get on it! It is so inconsiderate for your MOH to not plan a shower for you. This is your wedding for God's sake! I would really consider how good of a friend this person is to you. I get that people have other things going on in their lives, but if you can't handle the responsibility of being in a wedding party, then you should opt out. It's an honor to be asked to be someone's MOH and for that person to just brush it aside really says something about how much they value your friendship. (If you can't tell, I'm having the same sort of drama, but with a bridesmaid LOL).

Hope everything works out for you!

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KCI Posts : 150 Registered: 3/30/09
Re: Bridal Shower Drama
Posted: Jul 1, 2010 1:14 PM Go to message in response to: SpideyBridey

While most people expect a shower now-a-days, it is not required to give one. If someone steps up and throws you a shower, great! But you can't go around telling you're other bridesmaids to "get on it". You should be excited if you get one, not demanding and po'd if you don't.

I do hope someone throws you one, but just try to relax. Like AOTB said, you can be as mad as you want in your head, but you need to be careful about what you actually say publicly.

Good luck.

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SpideyBridey Posts : 66 Registered: 5/17/09
Re: Bridal Shower Drama
Posted: Jul 1, 2010 2:36 PM Go to message in response to: KCI

Your bridesmaids need to get on it because MOH totally dropped the ball. If she had never told anyone she was planning a shower, it would be a whole different story. This makes me angry and I don't even know the person!! LOL

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ButterflyTiff Posts : 27 Registered: 12/7/09
Re: Bridal Shower Drama
Posted: Jul 19, 2010 6:55 PM Go to message in response to: SpideyBridey

I couldn't find my own post. LOL.

Anywho - they got on it. I have a maid of honor and a matron of honor. No bridesmaids. They mailed out the invites and everyone got there's at some point last week - for July 31st.

People are talking about the short notice, and I know the date because some are calling me and apologizing that they have to work or have scheduled vacations. I am just happy to be having one! LOL.

In the meanwhile I am doing all the wedding stuff myself. No help. fun times.

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SpideyBridey Posts : 66 Registered: 5/17/09
Re: Bridal Shower Drama
Posted: Jul 20, 2010 11:29 AM Go to message in response to: ButterflyTiff

I'm really glad that worked out for you! Enjoy your shower :)

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swichwang34 Posts : 657 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: Bridal Shower Drama
Posted: Sep 15, 2012 7:23 PM Go to message in response to: ButterflyTiff

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