More guests than fiance

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Brighteyes0320 Posts : 1 Registered: 6/22/10
More guests than fiance
Posted: Jun 22, 2010 9:57 PM

I just recently got engaged and am in the very beginning of planning my wedding. Problem is I have 55 minimum guests to invite where is my husband has only about 10 tops. I would feel bad not inviting these people that are close and dear to me. We would like a small wedding but I just dont know how to cut the fat or just invite them. I know it kinda upsets my fiance and we both agreed to small wedding, where do I bend?


CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: More guests than fiance
Posted: Jun 23, 2010 10:36 AM Go to message in response to: Brighteyes0320

On my side there are about 20 people tops and on my fh's side there are about 60 people. My side is smaller as you can see. There is nothing wrong with him having a bigger family just like there isn't anything wrong with your side being bigger. At the end I am excited to have all of his family there because his family is really my family. As for sides, I'm gonna make sure people know that they can sit wherever they want during the ceremony.


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ElleNChuck Posts : 50 Registered: 6/10/10
Re: More guests than fiance
Posted: Jun 23, 2010 5:15 PM Go to message in response to: Brighteyes0320

I come from a huge family, so to me, a guest list of 65 people is a VERY small wedding. When you and FH discussed "small wedding" how many people were you thinking of?

This is something that you guys are going to have to compromise on. Not knowing who makes up his 10 and your 55 people makes it hard to recommend cuts.


usfbeachbum Posts : 27 Registered: 6/6/10
Re: More guests than fiance
Posted: Jun 23, 2010 11:43 PM Go to message in response to: Brighteyes0320

As PP said,it comes down to what your definitions of small wedding are. Does he feel bad or do you? There is a big difference.

DH will have minimum 800 guests at the reception and 120 at the religious ceremony; I will be lucky to have 10. Then again this is something we discussed before any plans were made. He has 14 sets of aunts/uncles that he speaks to and sees at least once a year. Then cousins etc, the list goes on. Did I mention that his family and I dont speak the same language? That being said I absolutely do not feel sad,bad or anything of the sort. As I said it was discussed and decided.

I think you need to talk with him there is no other way around it.

Edited by: usfbeachbum on Jun 23, 2010 11:44 PM


lissagettingmar... Posts : 22 Registered: 5/29/10
Re: More guests than fiance
Posted: Jun 24, 2010 12:22 AM Go to message in response to: usfbeachbum

We have the same problem - at least ostensibly. Right now our "core essential" guest list of 50 people is at around 38 for me and 12 for him. BUT that's because all of my cousins and aunts on my mom's side of the family are "essentials" because my mom's side of the family is very close - my cousins are like extended siblings. I also have a lot (my mom is the second youngest of 7 and all of her sisters had at least 3 children), and being one of the younger cousins, my cousins have kids too, lol! And that's not even including my dad's side, although most of them won't attend I'd wager. I've got 28 first cousins and my first cousins have 9 children between them.

His 12 only includes his immediate family, and his mom's two siblings (and they only have 1 and 2 children respectively). It took me some thinking to realize that he omitted his own *father*! When I asked him he said it's because he's afraid no one from his dad's side will come, but I persuaded him to invite them anyway. With his dad's side (whose one of 6) his total comes out to more like 20-25 and that makes it much more even.

I still feel like My Big Fat Greek Wedding with me being Toula and him being Ian, especially since my family is very loud and boisterous and we all look alike. His family is much more proper.

usfbb - do you literally mean 800 people?!

Edited by: lissagettingmarried on Jun 24, 2010 12:23 AM


ElleNChuck Posts : 50 Registered: 6/10/10
Re: More guests than fiance
Posted: Jun 24, 2010 6:14 PM Go to message in response to: usfbeachbum

Not to get off-topic here but HOLY CRAP that's a lot of people!!!!!!!


dogbride Posts : 41 Registered: 4/22/10
Re: More guests than fiance
Posted: Jun 26, 2010 8:51 PM Go to message in response to: Brighteyes0320

congrats on your engagement!

We decided on 100 people for our wedding due to cost and time-we want to be able to visit with people, and enjoy the party. He chose 50, and I had 50. Anyone that was over the 50 goes to the B list should we get regrets.

Every guestlist is different, but I would first come up with the venue you are looking for and cost. Perhaps 70-100 is not feasible for those things considered.

I guess the biggest thing is having the essential people there-mom, dad, etc. We know there are people that won't get an invite with a party size of 100. Its being ok not pleasing everyone but rather having the event the two of you want.

Good Luck


STBMrsBW Posts : 21 Registered: 7/16/10
Re: More guests than fiance
Posted: Jul 16, 2010 11:14 AM Go to message in response to: Brighteyes0320

My FH and I have the same issue. It doesn't really matter if you have a bigger family than he does or you have more dear friends. The point is that you each share this day with the people who mean the most to you, and of course those crazy family members that your mom won't let you uninvite. Don't sit on sides and don't worry about having more guests. We are having 130 people and all but 30 are mine. Your FH wants you to be happy and if having 55 people that you love at your wedding will make you happy then what is the big deal? Just be sure to check with him that 55 for you and 10 for him is still within reason. Some people consider a guest list under 100 to be small. It really is up to the both of you and don't let this be a stress to either of you.



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