Groom's Sister as BM??

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heather0711 Posts : 4 Registered: 6/9/10
Groom's Sister as BM??
Posted: Jun 20, 2010 6:33 PM

I'm having a horrendous time with the whole wedding party situation. My fiance asked me to keep the wedding party small - not a problem. He will have a best man and maybe 1 groomsman, but that's a hige maybe. Anyways, both of my sisters are defintiely in the wedding, that's non-negotiable. However, I'm having a problem deciding if I NEED to have Steven's sister in the wedding too. I'm not close to her, she and Steven are kind of close but only when he's home it seems (he's a Marine stationed in NC). This wouldn't otherwise be a hige issue except for one of my cousins is like my 3rd sister, I want her in the wedding over Steven's sister. But then there's my older cousin who has assumed that she is in the wedding - she descussed dress ideas with my sister, my sister didn't say anything though because I've yet to decide what I'm doing.
My thing is that it's my wedding, I should have who I want in it - not just feel olbigated to have people in it. I tried to ask Steven if he wanted her in, he said it was up to me (ughhhh-men!!). In a perfect, drama-free world, I'd have my 2 sisters and my cousin....what do you all think??

thanks Smile

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agd1017 Posts : 464 Registered: 9/14/09
Re: Groom's Sister as BM??
Posted: Jun 20, 2010 7:04 PM Go to message in response to: heather0711

My first thought was.... your wedding is like a year and a half away. Please don't worry about choosing your wedding party right this second. You have a lot of time for that, and things may change between now and the wedding. So go on with your planning, and just don't worry about the WP for now.

Amanda and Eric
10/10/10

Amanda and Eric

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Groom's Sister as BM??
Posted: Jun 20, 2010 7:42 PM Go to message in response to: heather0711

Dear Heather,

Seriously, wait until you are about 6 months out until you decide on your wedding party. A lot can happen between now and then.

As for your FH's sister - why can't she stand up on his side? She can wear a dress of similar formality as the bridesmaids' dresses, but in a different style and color.

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Elbelle77 Posts : 222 Registered: 1/24/08
Re: Groom's Sister as BM??
Posted: Jun 20, 2010 8:19 PM Go to message in response to: heather0711

Before DH and I got engaged we talked about who we would want in our wedding parties. He immediately said he wanted his best friend and 4 college friends. I said I wanted my college roommate and 4 best friends from high school. That's 5 on each side, perfect, but we both have siblings. I have one brother that he's not real close with (my brother lived in Europe at the time) and he has 3 sisters that I never hung out with without him there. So we decided that on our wedding day we wanted to be surrounded by our best friends not each others siblings that we're not close to. So that was that. No one had hard feelings and we had a wonderful day. A year after our wedding, his youngest sister asked me to be in her bridal party. Of course I said yes, but would not have been insulted if she didn't ask. In the end, it's up to you. This is your wedding day, who do you want there with you when you're getting ready?

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Groom's Sister as BM??
Posted: Jun 21, 2010 8:43 AM Go to message in response to: heather0711

I agree with the waiting until your wedding gets closer to pick your wedding party. I would wait 8-6 months before. But to answer your question it's your wedding and you can pick who you want. Pick who you won't regret having. Something that I'm doing for my wedding is having assistant bridesmaids! Those are ladies that are important to me that couldn't "fit" to be bridesmaids. I would have like 10 girls if I let them ALL be bridesmaids. So instead I made up their role as assistant bridesmaids. They are not going to wear matching fancy dresses like the bridesmaids will. But those girls will be with me before the wedding and help me get dressed. I think that will make them feel special to be with me as I get ready for my special day. So maybe you can do something similar like that. Just a thought.

 

                           
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chris42005 Posts : 89 Registered: 4/6/10
Re: Groom's Sister as BM??
Posted: Jun 21, 2010 6:29 PM Go to message in response to: heather0711

For my wedding I had my sis and my best friend standing with me and my hubby had his best friend. So we had an odd wedding party. I would agree with other PP, have your sisters in your WP and and give your cousins something special to do. You still have time to offical name your wedding party so wait.

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loveisjoy Posts : 85 Registered: 2/6/09
Re: Groom's Sister as BM??
Posted: Jun 22, 2010 7:37 AM Go to message in response to: heather0711

You do not have to include your FSIL unless it's something you and your FH want to do. My FSIL is not in my wedding, she was angy, but it's our wedding, and he never said he wanted his sister to be a part of the bridal party. Don't stress yourself about your bridal party, you will pick the right people. Good Luck

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campbellleigh5763 Posts : 2 Registered: 4/22/10
Re: Groom's Sister as BM??
Posted: Aug 26, 2010 10:31 AM Go to message in response to: heather0711

My fiance and I discussed wedding party soon after getting engaged. I asked him if he would consider including my brother as a groomsman and he immediately said no- he only planned on having his friends. (he has no siblings, but if he had I would have automatically included them...) I explained to him in my family its convention, and he would think about it but wouldn't be happy about it, basically.

The problem is that in my family, this is something that is expected- and I tried to explain this to my fiance, but it is not a practice in his family.

Now my parents are very upset to the point that its causing a rift... which I have been shielding from my fiance as he "thinks it over". What can I do without pressing the issue??

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campbellleigh5763 Posts : 2 Registered: 4/22/10
Re: Groom's Sister as BM??
Posted: Aug 26, 2010 10:32 AM Go to message in response to: heather0711

My fiance and I discussed wedding party soon after getting engaged. I asked him if he would consider including my brother as a groomsman and he immediately said no- he only planned on having his friends. (he has no siblings, but if he had I would have automatically included them...) I explained to him in my family its convention, and he would think about it but wouldn't be happy about it, basically.

The problem is that in my family, this is something that is expected- and I tried to explain this to my fiance, but it is not a practice in his family.

Now my parents are very upset to the point that its causing a rift... which I have been shielding from my fiance as he "thinks it over". What can I do without pressing the issue??

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Groom's Sister as BM??
Posted: Aug 26, 2010 10:39 AM Go to message in response to: campbellleigh5763

You have to explain to your family that just because it's tradition for them, it's not for him. He gets to chose who he has stand up with him.

If it's so important for your brother to be in the wedding, have him stand on your side in a suit or tux that the GMs are wearing.

I was a groomswoman in a wedding about a year ago - had a blast. There were three groomswoman, a MOH and 2 bridesmen.

Non-traditional maybe, but suited everyone to a T AND it makes more sense to have the people you want supporting you on your side.

It's your FH's wedding to and he gets a say.

 

 

 

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MagicalMomentsP... Posts : 742 Registered: 3/6/06
Re: Groom's Sister as BM??
Posted: Aug 26, 2010 6:10 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

At my wedding, I had my only brother as my only groomsman and we're not even close. In retrospect, I really wish I'd had the guts to have my best friend, Julie, stand up with me. It would have meant so much more. But alas, that was not the case 12 years ago.

Howard Kier, Certified Professional Wedding Photographer

Magical Moments Photography


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