Trying not to be jealous...but its so hard!

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bkurtz Posts : 11 Registered: 5/27/10
Trying not to be jealous...but its so hard!
Posted: Jun 17, 2010 4:18 PM

So two more newly engaged couples to add to the six that are already engaged! All of these couples graduated with my boyfriend and I. I am finding it hard not to be jealous when I find out that they are engaged! I always thought that my bf and I would be the first couple to tie the knot so it almost makes me sad when I see other couples doing it before us, when we have been together for years longer than most of them! I know that we are doing the smart thing by waiting until school is over but its just so hard when I see other couples getting engaged. My bf always reminds me that everyone has a different plan in life and he tries to make me laugh by saying in 5 years most of the other couples probably won't be together anymore because they married too young. I know that my time will come and that it is smart to wait but sometimes I wish we were stupid enough to do it right now lol! This is pretty much me venting my frustration, thanks for listening!

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missEbali Posts : 3 Registered: 6/22/10
Re: Trying not to be jealous...but its so hard!
Posted: Jun 22, 2010 3:46 AM Go to message in response to: bkurtz

bkurtz
I know exactly how you feel... don't worry! We've been together 9 years now and still no sign of the ring... It's very hard seeing your friends that have been together less than you all getting engaged.. but I keep dreaming that it will come soon... its only in the last couple of months that we have started ring shopping. Everything will be fine. If only the boys would do it when we are ready and not when they are!


**9 years and still waiting for the bling**

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Trying not to be jealous...but its so hard!
Posted: Jun 22, 2010 8:23 AM Go to message in response to: bkurtz

I'm a little confused - you said that you're still in school, yet the couples getting engaged graduated with you? Or do you mean that they're your high school classmates and they're all getting engaged before they're done with college? If that's the case, then you're right to wait and shouldn't be jealous because you'll be better off in the long run because you were patient.

Look, it's normal to feel some jealousy when people around you 'beat you' to certain things, but life isn't a race. The best piece of advice I can give you is to STOP comparing yourself to others, because it will only result in you sitting here feeling miserable rather than enjoying the stage of life that you're in now and - well, LIVING it. I'm serious - stop comparing yourself to others right now, because doing so will only result in miserable life. Right now, you're sad and jealous that others are getting engaged before you. So then what will happen once you're engaged? If you continue to compare yourself to others, you'll spend your engagement being sad and jealous that others are already married, getting promotions, having babies, etc. This doesn't stop with weddings. There will ALWAYS be people in your life who are doing better than you or hitting milestones before you. Stop worrying about them and enjoy your own life at your own pace.


DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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HiSkolSwtHrt Posts : 2 Registered: 6/22/10
Re: Trying not to be jealous...but its so hard!
Posted: Jun 22, 2010 3:31 PM Go to message in response to: bkurtz

This is true for me as well! I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and there are many others getting married before us. Quite a few got married right out of high school, I didnt want that but we have been together longer than any of them! We live together and already act like we are married, but ive been dreaming of my wedding day since I was a child and would love to to marry my boyfriend. Its frustrating isnt it?

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Trying not to be jealous...but its so hard!
Posted: Jun 22, 2010 4:33 PM Go to message in response to: bkurtz

Ladies,

Remember, once their weddings are over and you start to plan yours, THEY will be jealous of YOU!

Added benefit: you can learn from their mistakes!

Your friend gets married at a beautiful hotel, but the food turns out inedible? That's your cue to skip that hotel. Another friend gets married at the beach, but the blowing sand makes everyone miserable? You find a place indoors but with an ocean view.

Look at all the "vow renewal" messages on this board. These are married women who want "do-overs". They got married, somehow, but the first, real wedding wasn't good enough. They want the full Bride Experience, complete with fluffy dress, veil and flying bouquets, even though that ship has sailed.

If you sit tight and take your time, you'll have a beautiful wedding at the right time for you and your boyfriend.

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bkurtz Posts : 11 Registered: 5/27/10
Re: Trying not to be jealous...but its so hard!
Posted: Jun 22, 2010 6:09 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I'm sorry for the confusion...yes I am still in school (I am in my 3rd year of college, my BF just graduated with a 2 year degree but is going back for another 2 years to get a second degree in architecture). The couples that i am referring to are people that I graduated high school with.

I must say that my bf is really good at getting me to not dwell on the fact that others are getting engaged. I normally feel jealous for a minute or two and then move on (I wrote this post right after I found out about another one of my friend's engagement). I know its not smart for me to be jealous and I am trying my hardest to stop paying any attention to other peoples' engagements.

We went to a wedding last weekend and the whole time we kept getting asked "When you guys getting hitched?" or "Its your turn next!". It just makes me want to do it because I get so excited about starting our married life together. His family loves me and really wants us to get married but I know that now is not the right time.

I just have to listen to my head and not my heart as much :)

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ElleNChuck Posts : 50 Registered: 6/10/10
Re: Trying not to be jealous...but its so hard!
Posted: Jun 23, 2010 4:52 PM Go to message in response to: bkurtz

I hate the smart a$$es that think it's funny to ask "when are you guys gonna tie the knot?" And I feel your pain, I didn't get engaged until I was 31! I have more bridesmaids dresses than the David's Bridal warehouse, and I've bought more shower and wedding gifts than I or my checking account care to remember!

I totally admit to feeling the green-eyed monster rearing it's ugly head every time I got that "HE PROPOSED" phone call. I think sometimes that FH finally proposed so that I could finally make that call! (J/K)

The main thing to remember is that you have a your whole life to live for yourself, and it's not a race to the altar! A wise woman once told me "Marry in haste, repent at leisure." Take your time, and learn from all your friends weddings. (when yours comes around it will be all that much better!)

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Dani303 Posts : 18 Registered: 6/3/10
Re: Trying not to be jealous...but its so hard!
Posted: Jul 1, 2010 11:55 PM Go to message in response to: ElleNChuck

i know how you feel..but just think if you and your bf get engaged now...your just going to be another couple that are engaged...

i think wait for a while...when no one else has got engaged for a while...then do it...so then its big news...and then make your engagement and wedding way better

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DarkMuse17 Posts : 2 Registered: 6/19/10
Re: Trying not to be jealous...but its so hard!
Posted: Jul 10, 2010 8:42 PM Go to message in response to: bkurtz

I totally understand. I'm about to turn 23 (one week, baby!) and since about 19 I've had so many friends get engaged or married. Now that it's a year after I graduated college, my friends seem to be getting engaged en-mass. It was particularly frustrating for awhile because we were thinking of getting engaged last summer, but decided to wait a year. We've been dating just about 3 years, and many people I know are getting engaged after just a few months to a year of dating. Just remember, everyone is different.

The thing that helped me stop getting jealous was to find a list of 104 things to do before you get married to prevent divorce. I have no idea WHERE I found it, but I've been working steadily through the list. Some seem silly and pretty easy, but a lot are more in-depth questions to ask yourself to prepare. Doing that takes time, and gives me something to focus on while waiting for the ring.

The other thing that helped was kind of pushing him into picking a date to propose. Based on the fact that I don't think my parents will be too thrilled (my brother got engaged when he was 34...I'm about 23), I really wanted him to propose when we are out of town. We have a romantic vacation coming up next month, and he totally understood that it would be a great time. We also discussed reasons why he hadn't proposed yet and came to an understanding. (Example: He's going to be moving soon, and I offered to foot some of the cost) So even if it is something more general, if you two discuss a good time to get engaged, such as six months after graduation, it will be much easier.

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