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Don't want to use an RSVP card

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mariewedding Posts : 13 Registered: 5/11/10
Don't want to use an RSVP card
Posted: Jun 10, 2010 7:25 PM

Hi everyone,

So I have a question... I am trying to plan my wedding on a budget. I will be inviting a large number of people to the wedding who I know will not actually attend as they live far away and I'm getting married on Oahu.

I do not want to include an RSVP card - it will add hundreds of dollars to my invites, and I'd prefer to simply include a phone number, email address, and website where they can rsvp (from any of those).

Now, I've been told by a few people that this is 'ghetto'. Is it? I really think it's a silly use of $ that could be spent elsewhere.

Help!

invitations , etiquette , reply , rsvp_card , invitation
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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Don't want to use an RSVP card
Posted: Jun 10, 2010 7:46 PM Go to message in response to: mariewedding

Buy less expensive invites, like DIY ones, and include the card. I spent about $100 total. AS far as ghetto or not, don'tknow, but I wouldn't do it. I also would not invite a bunch of guests assuming they won't attend. What will you do if everyone you invite DOES attend? I'd only invite those I can afford, and who I really want to attend.

 Proud Member of P.O.O.P.,  People Offended by Offended People

march_2007 , reply , rsvp_card , invitations , etiquette , invitation
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Don't want to use an RSVP card
Posted: Jun 10, 2010 7:54 PM Go to message in response to: mariewedding

Dear Marie,

"Now, I've been told by a few people that this is 'ghetto'. Is it? I really think it's a silly use of $ that could be spent elsewhere."

It's not "ghetto". Sob.

There was a day, sadly long passed, when people knew to respond to an invitation. They would take out their own notepaper, their own pen, write their own response, put it in their own envelope, address the envelope themselves, stick on their own stamp and put it in the mail.

Or, in more "modern" times, they would phone the number in the "RSVP 555-555-5555" section and tell the person answering the phone if they were coming or not. (That person was most likely the mother of the bride, so they were able to collect a lot of juicy wedding gossip at the same time.)

Sob.

Those were the days.

Now, it seems that the bride has to do everything for them in order to get them to respond. The bride has to provide a pre-printed, pre-addressed, pre-stamped card where the guest need only make a single check mark, then mail it. Even that seems to be too onerous a task for some, so today's bride has to hunt the guest down to find out if they are coming or not.

***

I have a suggestion for you. You say you are inviting a bunch of people who probably will not attend. My suggestion is to send out announcements instead of invitations.

Send invitations to those who you want to attend and who you think might be able to attend. Send announcements to all the others that you want to tell of the wedding, but have a zero percent chance of actually attending.

Announcements are sent after the ceremony is a done deal. No RSVP card. They simply announce a wedding has taken place, along with the date and city of the ceremony. This might be simpler than sending full-fledged invitations to lots of people who you already know will not be able to attend.

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usfbeachbum Posts : 27 Registered: 6/6/10
Re: Don't want to use an RSVP card
Posted: Jun 10, 2010 9:07 PM Go to message in response to: mariewedding

I think a DIY RSVP card is really nice.

For us, we are sending out save-the-dates with our website on them where they can RSVP. And I will call them personally and make sure they are coming but we are having a DW. And we will not be using RSVP cards with the invitations because they are not used culturally in Cyprus.

As far as the wedding announcement it's a good idea also. But mine and my husband's family/friends would be very offended if they recieved an announcement and not an invite.

Good luck and I hope I helped.

invitations , reply , rsvp_card , may_2011 , etiquette , invitation
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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Don't want to use an RSVP card
Posted: Jun 10, 2010 9:31 PM Go to message in response to: mariewedding

I'd just include a number to call. There's nothing wrong with that. The postage costs on the RSVPs do suck.

But do be careful about inviting people assuming they will not come. Too many people have gotten into trouble with that.

 

 

 

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communitynameis... Posts : 15 Registered: 5/13/10
Re: Don't want to use an RSVP card
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 5:22 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I did website RSVP's on my invitations. And my invitations were beautiful, and so is the website; I've received compliments on them. A website can be super personal-more personal than most printers' invitations/RSVP cards.

On that note-my invitations have been out now for a while, and I know virtually everyone out of the 145 people invited have received them. To RSVP they must type in the URL, click on the RSVP button, and enter their name, along with the other family members invited. It takes all of 5 seconds. How many people have actually RSVP'd?? 30.

My fiance's family I guess, doesn't "intend" to RSVP. My FMIL tells me that this drives her nuts about her husband's family, and they usually just don't RSVP to any events. Sometimes they even call her when they are an hour away from her house and say "hey I'm visiting and spending the night tonight!!" No warning. No RSVP for weddings. It drives me crazy. So because they are all too lazy to go to a website, I will spend an afternoon about three weeks before the wedding calling everyone of them, thinking to myself as I do so "wow, aren't you proud of this great impression you've made on your new family member? How you are all too important to let me know that you are coming? That makes me feel so welcome in your family!" I will be THINKING not saying these things. But it just drives me nuts!

So, good luck with the invitations. If you put thought into it, and do your best to make something personalized, I"m sure it will be nice.

washington_state , july_2010
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Don't want to use an RSVP card
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 5:58 PM Go to message in response to: communitynameis...

Dear Comm,

" So because they are all too lazy to go to a website,"

And they are thinking "she's too cheap to include RSVP cards", so it's a draw.

Did you include a phone number for those who might not want to send personal information through the Internet when they have no guarantee about the privacy policy of the website?

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Don't want to use an RSVP card
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 6:10 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

PP, I don't think the website is rude AT ALL, and all these people have to do is enter their name. Plus which, her post clearly stated that these people wouldn't rsvp if their lives depended on it, and they even show up unannounced to spend the night!!

Completely rude. Not using an rsvp card is not rude, after all, it's been argued on here endlessly that one shouldn't have to, and those who expect one are themselves rude. IMO, it is FAR more rude for someone to make a habit out of showing up as an uninvited guest expecting ot be put up for the night, OR, since these are family members not a tleast telling other family members even IF they are so uptight they don't want to put their name in a website. good lord. SHe isn't demanding birthdates, ss numbers, addresses, etc.


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march_2007
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Don't want to use an RSVP card
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 8:03 PM Go to message in response to: cyndi33

Dear Cyndi,

Again, I agree with you, but I think we are approaching agreement from different angles.

When I got married, I just put RSVP 555-222-6666 at the bottom of the invitation, with my parents' phone number. That was it. My mother took the calls, and checked people off her list as they called in. I did not include RSVP cards, as they were unheard of back in 1976. (At least, I had never heard of them.) My parents' address was on the invitation envelope, so some people dropped notes in the mail. No big deal. At my wedding, RSVPs were not an issue at all.

You and I both agree it's rude not to respond at all. I'm with you 100% on that one.

I do think it's problematic for the bride to have only the website as a means of replying. There are those who might, for whatever reason, be uncomfortable replying with a website. She should have listed the website and a phone number, at least.

My own MIL (age 80) lives in a technological desert. She has no computer access and does not even know how to turn one on, much less type in a URL. If she received a wedding invitation with only a website URL, she wouldn't know what to do about it. (She'd probably call me.) A phone number would be much easier for my MIL.

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ElleNChuck Posts : 50 Registered: 6/10/10
Re: Don't want to use an RSVP card
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 8:54 PM Go to message in response to: mariewedding

I'm not 100% against the idea of a response card, but I would rather make a phone call or click a link myself. If I could get away with e-vites for my wedding I'd probably do that! Though Mother would have a stroke and poor Granny would be spinning in her grave if "proper" invitations were not sent.

My best friend Mandy got married 4 years ago and I was her MOH. Naturally I got an invitation in the mail even though she knew I was coming. So... guess what I forgot to send back? Yep, I forgot to RSVP to my best friends wedding! So about 4 days before her first anniversary I filled it out and stuck it in the mail. We still laugh about that!

september_2012 , invitations , reply , virginia , invitation , rsvp_card , etiquette
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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Don't want to use an RSVP card
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 9:23 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

A record, 3 (I think) agreements in one day maybe? :)

Anyway, yes. My DH's parents are barely computer literate. As are many of the other older people we invited. So, including only a website for them would have been a huge problem.

But I really would have an issue with the guests the PP was discussing. I can assure anyone that if someone showed up at our house to stay over and be entertained/hosted with no advance warning there would be a huge problem. I can't even imagine the scenario. It's like cousin eddie in christmas vacation only a whole group of them, but without the humor and without chevy chase.

 Proud Member of P.O.O.P.,  People Offended by Offended People

march_2007
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usfbeachbum Posts : 27 Registered: 6/6/10
Re: Don't want to use an RSVP card
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 11:35 PM Go to message in response to: communitynameis...

Hey Community are they by any chance Greek? I've been trying to instill this idea to call before you come over for six months. I think it's finally caught on. His family just rings the doorbell when they feel like stopping by. But its ok, if I don't know who it is I dont answer.

may_2011 , july_2010 , washington_state
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Don't want to use an RSVP card
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 11:47 PM Go to message in response to: cyndi33

Dear Cyndi,

" I can assure anyone that if someone showed up at our house to stay over and be entertained/hosted with no advance warning there would be a huge problem"

Another agreement, here, girlfriend. I'm with you 100% on that one.

It did happen to me, once. A really really clueless friend of my husband's showed up on (brace yourself) Christmas Eve, before the children were born. "Well, I was in the area and thought I'd drop by." What's more, the guy seemed to take offense that I was bailing out to attend church. As if I, a lifetime church-goer, don't have "plans" for Christmas Eve.

I can't stand that jerk. I told my husband, 30 years ago, that I never want to see him again.

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myras Posts : 396 Registered: 2/26/10
Re: Don't want to use an RSVP card
Posted: Jun 12, 2010 2:29 PM Go to message in response to: mariewedding

I do not want to include an RSVP card - it will add hundreds of dollars to my invites,

Hundreds of dollars? Really? I don't know what your invitations are made out of, but unless it's platinum, that seems like a bit much. Do what you want--website, card, phone #, but hundres of dollars to add an RSVP card is a just plain ripoff.
myra@classysassyweddings.com

invitations , november_1975 , etiquette , reply , invitation , rsvp_card
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Moxiebaby Posts : 24 Registered: 6/18/09
Re: Don't want to use an RSVP card
Posted: Jun 13, 2010 9:46 PM Go to message in response to: mariewedding

It's not "ghetto." Some brides use website rsvp's to be nice to the environment.

july_2010 , etiquette , rsvp_card , invitations , invitation , reply
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