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Wedding Planning & Etiquette

Cambodian/American

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FutureMrsKeo Posts : 5 Registered: 6/2/10

Cambodian/American: Posted: Jun 2, 2010 6:11 PM; Hello all,
My fiance and myself are running into a little problem. He is Cambodian and I am Amercian. We just recently became engaged and have started planning for the big day. We always knew that we would have two wedding ceremonies and one big reception. We are going to do the traditional Cambodian ceremony which is about 5 hours long and then the traditional American ceremony followed by a mixed Cambodian/American reception. We are going back and forth between having the Cambodian ceremony on a Friday morning and the Amercian ceremony and reception that Saturday or just doing it all on one Saturday. I feel like it would be too much for everyone involved to do everything in one day but his family is insisting that we do it that way. We are trying to please everyone but I don't want to be so tired at the reception that I can't even enjoy it! Has anyone else run into this problem or does anyone have a sensible solution?? Thanks!

july_2011 , oregon

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06

Re: Cambodian/American: Posted: Jun 2, 2010 8:14 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsKeo; Dear Mrs K.

"or does anyone have a sensible solution??"

Here's a really basic idea: One ceremony. Why have two? Pick one tradition and have your wedding ceremony in that tradition. Then, have a multiple receptions.

It is Traditional Etiquette for the bride and her family to host and pay for the wedding ceremony and post-ceremony party. You can use that as a tie-breaker. Since you are the bride, have your wedding ceremony and reception according to American tradition, then have another reception, or party series, following Cambodian tradition.

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MikaylaK Posts : 53 Registered: 5/23/10

Re: Cambodian/American: Posted: Jun 2, 2010 8:23 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride; Is combination an option? I've heard of that before, where during the same ceremony, both creeds are combined so both rites take place at the same time.

Of course, that would mean that the Cambodian approves of such a combination.

Otherwise, consider having the US ceremony the day before, with a smaller number of people. It all depends on what you both want.

A five hour ceremony might be taxing for some people. It all depends on whom you want to include in both ceremonies.

My parents did two different ceremonies the same day (Catholic and Baptist) and then the reception, but each was one hour long.

june_2011 , all_others

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myras Posts : 396 Registered: 2/26/10

Re: Cambodian/American: Posted: Jun 2, 2010 8:51 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsKeo; I feel like it would be too much for everyone involved to do everything in one day but his family is insisting that we do it that way. We are trying to please everyone

Well, you can't please everyone, so stop trying. Please yourselves (meaning you and your FH). I agree with you that you will be exhausted if you try to do everything in one day. Is there a way that the Cambodian ceremony can be cut down--five hours seems very long and, I'm sure, traditional. Any way to modernize the tradition? If you get creative, I guess you could combine the Cambodian and American traditions into one ceremony. But, if not, I have to agree with your plan to do the Cambodian ceremony on a Friday and the American ceremony and reception on Saturday. If that means that some people will not be able to attend both--oh, well (as long as parents, grandparents, and siblings can be there). The most important thing is for you and your FH (and only you two) to decide what you want. Then present a united front to the various parents, friends, and relatives who are trying to manipulate you to do what they want.
myra@classysassyweddings.com

oregon , november_1975 , july_2011

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61810bride Posts : 2 Registered: 6/3/10

Re: Cambodian/American: Posted: Jun 3, 2010 4:13 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsKeo; Hi,

My fiance is Laotian and we, too, are having two ceremonies. Originally, we planned to do the American ceremony and Lao ceremony a day apart but in the end we are having the Lao ceremony a week before the American ceremony/reception. It's hard because you don't want to offend, but you also don't want to cram everything into one weekend (or worse, one DAY). You also have to think about people you may want to invite to both ceremonies, as not all will be able to commit to two weekends. My future in-laws have not given us the same grief that yours have though, so I'm not sure if this answer helps at all. Maybe just try to explain to them (or have your fiance explain to them) that it is too much on you and your family to do everything in one day.

Good luck!

oregon , july_2011 , june_2010 , upstate_hudson_valley

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,963 Registered: 3/16/07

Re: Cambodian/American: Posted: Jun 3, 2010 5:54 PM Go to message in response to: myras; I have to agree with your plan to do the Cambodian ceremony on a Friday and the American ceremony and reception on Saturday.

I agree with Myra.

My best friend, whose is Indian (Hindu) got married to a white (Christian) guy. I can't even keep track of how many events were involved in this wedding, but I distinctly remember that there was a Hindu ceremony in a Hindu temple on Friday, and then a combined Hindu/Christian ceremony at a hotel on Saturday (the official wedding date, and the one for which all guests received an invitation.)

I didn't even know about the Hindu one until she mentioned it, as she wasn't really inviting anyone -- it was more like you could go if you wanted to, but you really didn't have to at all. At first I wanted to -- Hindu ceremony in a temple? how often was I going to see that? - but then I heard it would be in Hindi and it would be about four hours long, and so I bailed.

So I think the simple solution is the one outlined above. As a courtesy to your guests, especially, who probably don't want to sit through a five hour ceremony, nor do they want to think they may have missed out on a "real" ceremony earlier the same day. So do it the way you want, in my opinion.
__________________________________________
"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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FutureMrsKeo Posts : 5 Registered: 6/2/10

Re: Cambodian/American: Posted: Jun 4, 2010 1:32 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsKeo; Thank you everyone for the suggestions! I really appreciate it! My FH and I have been discussing it and both ceremonies are equally important to us so we are going to do both and unfortunately we can not shorten the Cambodian ceremony at all. The 5 hour long ceremony here in the states is condensed from the real traditional ceremony of 3 days/3 nights!

Still not sure yet if it will be all in one day or two. The problem is the majority of his family lives 2 states away and travel wise it would be easier on our guests if we did it all in one day. We are looking into a wedding planner though. I think if we had outside help and everything was very organized and well planned it would work as a one day event. We're thinking about just inviting close family to the Cambodian ceremony and friends and other relatives to the American ceremony and reception. So long as I have my coffee I think it could work!

oregon , july_2011

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myras Posts : 396 Registered: 2/26/10

Re: Cambodian/American: Posted: Jun 4, 2010 3:17 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsKeo; How would that be easier on guests who had travelled from two states away? Two days would simply mean another night in a hotel (probably two nights instead of one). For some, that might be a financial problem--or maybe not. On the other hand, a quick turnaraound might actually be more physically trying than a two-day stay.
myra@classysassyweddings.com

july_2011 , oregon , november_1975

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swichwang34 Posts : 1,473 Registered: 9/13/12

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JenniferWillson Posts : 2,083 Registered: 9/12/12

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