Sharing Bank Accounts

Online Users: 0 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 22


CapeTownBride Posts : 37 Registered: 4/16/10
Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: May 25, 2010 10:32 AM

It's my FI's birthday today, so his parents, siblings and I all contributed to a great gift he's had his eye on for months. I was very excited that we could do this for him, especially because it was such a surprise!

However, a casual comment from one of his sisters got me thinking. When ironing out the details, she just assumed that my FI and I share a bank account and was wondering how I was going to hide the cash transfer and online purchase from him until his birthday. She was very surprised when I told her that we have separate bank accounts.

This perplexes me. Do people still share bank accounts with their partners? Does this automatically happen sometime after getting married?

I would assume that this is a personal decision on a case-by-case basis and, as it involves money, it's not really suitable for "polite" conversation... However, with the relative anonymity of the internet, I am hoping that you'll feel comfortable with sharing your perspective on this. :)

Please excuse my inquisitivenes - I don't mean to pry, I'm just genuinely interested in hearing what you think!

Reply


Elbelle77 Posts : 222 Registered: 1/24/08
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: May 25, 2010 10:52 AM Go to message in response to: CapeTownBride

After the wedding, DH and I used the money we received to open up a joint account. We also added in our previous personal accounts. DH then set up "fun accounts" for each of us. A certain amount of money is transferred from our joint into our fun accounts each month. These are the accounts we use to buy gifts for each other or other "fun" things like clothes, movies, etc.

It works out great because all of our utilities, mortgage, food bills, etc get deducted from our joint account and we can do whatever we want with our fun accounts without getting upset with one another if I buy a new pair of shoes or he goes to a ball game. Our fun account is a set amount each month so we can spend it each month, spend some of it, or save it up for something big we want. It's a great budgeting device.

Reply


MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: May 25, 2010 11:01 AM Go to message in response to: CapeTownBride

We had seperate bank accounts for the first year we were married, and I just assigned us certain bills to pay. Ultimately it didn't work for us. I'm better than he is about knowing when bills are coming and making sure they got paid on time, and I wanted to pay down debt more aggressively than he was doing. So in the end we opened up a joint checking account, and started paying our bills out of that account, but kept seperate accounts for our "fun" money. A set amount of our paychecks goes into our individual seperate accounts. The money that goes into this account comes out of my paycheck automatically, and that's "my" (as opposed to "our") money.

It works well for us. We can still take eachother out on dates, and I feel more comfortable that we're making progress towards our joint financial goals.


__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

Reply


Brooke051609 Posts : 723 Registered: 12/31/07
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: May 25, 2010 12:18 PM Go to message in response to: CapeTownBride

Hi! You're right, it's a personal decision between you and your DH and whatever works best for you both and what you're comfortable with is the best way to do it!

Here's what my Dh and I did. After the wedding we had all of our wedding money and opened up a joint bank account. It has Joint Checking, Joint Savings and a Joint Visa. But, we set it up so that we each have a seperate personal "branch" off of that Joint account that is JUST our own. I can't see how much money is in his personal branch, he can't see mine, but both branches are connected to the Joint account so when our paychecks go into the Joint account, we can move personal spending money into our personal branches and spend it however we want. Works great for birthdays, anniversarys and Christmas. I can't see what/how much he's spending on gifts for me so everything's still a surprise. And I can do the same.

So we have a Joint account, but have "private" accounts as well. Best of both worlds! And it works great for us. But again, to each his own and whatever works best for you is all that matters!

Daisypath

                                    "Come What May...."

Reply


dodgercpkl Posts : 130 Registered: 9/27/09
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: May 25, 2010 12:26 PM Go to message in response to: CapeTownBride

We'll be having joint accounts (once I can add him - i.e. once he gets assigned a social security number) for everything at least at the start. But, for us, this is something that the government looks at with fiance visa immigrants, especially when it comes to issuing the permanent green card 2 years from now.

Right now, neither of us has too much, so anything put in there will be joint earnings anyway. I had thought of the idea of a seperate account, but now I really like the idea of fun money accounts for each of us. We'll have to look into that! :)

TBH even had immigration not been a factor, I want him on the accounts too. It just never really occured to me to do differently!


Reply

Ioanaf Posts : 1 Registered: 5/26/10
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: May 26, 2010 5:06 AM Go to message in response to: CapeTownBride

I have the same dilemma and almost everybody around me is telling me that once you are a family you are supposed to share everything (although I have two friends that have separate bank accounts), so I have been doing some research, I read articles (this one actually makes sense http://www.reshapeyourlifecounseling.com/CouplesFamilyLifeRelationshipsMarriage.en.html ) and a lot of forums....and I still can't decide

Reply


PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: May 26, 2010 8:25 AM Go to message in response to: Ioanaf

Do what works for you.

We have a joint account that we pay all the household bills from - we worked it out as to how much we have to put in the account every pay period.

Then we still have our own accounts.

Maybe this will change, but right now - it works for us!!!

 

 

 

Reply


CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: May 26, 2010 9:21 AM Go to message in response to: CapeTownBride

FH and I have a shared bank account to put down money and save for our wedding . Every month we put down money in that account. When we get married that account will be a ‘saving for a house account'. However, we still have our OWN bank accounts where our paychecks gets deposited in. With the money in our own bank accounts we can buy whatever we want. It just works well that way for us, but of course everyone else has their own ways of doing things with their money. Some have shared accounts and some don't. It just depends on what you and your fh want to do.

 

                           
                                          CIMG7482-1.jpg picture by CheetahAngel81

 

Daisypath Wedding tickers

Visit my wedding website http://www.mywedding.com/alanandjarlyn

Sign my guestbook!!! :)

Reply

Agape14 Posts : 201 Registered: 12/31/08
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: May 26, 2010 11:11 AM Go to message in response to: CapeTownBride

Honestly, it surprises me when couples get married but don't marry their finances. It seems strange to join your lives but not your money...For non-married couples, I think it's prudent to keep finances separate for the most part. But if you live together, having a joint "house" account seems practical to me.

Each pay day, FH and I transfer a set amount from our personal accounts into our Joint Checking account (it used to be equal amounts, but has now changed to percentages due to fluctuations in salary), and from that Joint Checking account, money is automatically transferred into our Joint Savings account. All household expenses (bills, groceries, misc. purchases, gifts for our families etc) come out of the Joint Account. Any money in our personal accounts after we've paid into the Joint Account, belongs to us.

I take care of the finances and I have an Excel spreadsheet budget for each of us, so I know more or less where FH's money goes. But he doesn't have to check with me if he wants to spend his entertainment money (from his personal account) on something idiotic. Although he generally does (e.g. "But babe, I NEED this new accessory for my man toys").

Basically, I agree that the setup of a couple's finances is their business, but I think it's important that finances are open and that information is shared and people consulted for major purchases, and that both people are on the same page about how money is handled. Differences of opinion on that front can be major dealbreakers in a relationship...


 

 

~~Life's tough, wear a cup~~

Reply


PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: May 26, 2010 11:24 AM Go to message in response to: Agape14

We're very honest about our money - I just like not having to justify every little thing or make him feel the same way.

Again - This works for us. And it may change again down the road.

But I also remember what happened to me growing up when my Dad went bankrupt with his company, hadn't paid taxes and EVERYTHING in their joint account was seized. My Mom had NO money to feed my brother and I. Now, even with non-joint accounts you are responsible for any debts, etc that your spouse incurs - I know that, but it just gives me a little more security.

Also, my husband and I have very different tracking styles. I do A LOT online he does more paper - if either one of us had to start nagging the other over our ONE joint account - it would not be pretty.

So again, this works for us. It's what I'm used to and makes our relationship better.

 

 

 

Reply


breathb4thekiss Posts : 5 Registered: 11/2/09
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: May 26, 2010 12:29 PM Go to message in response to: CapeTownBride

My husband and I have separate accounts; however, we're very open about money and where it goes so this system is working out pretty well for us (at least so far :) )

Reply


MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: May 26, 2010 1:10 PM Go to message in response to: Agape14

I think it's important that finances are open and that information is shared and people consulted for major purchases, and that both people are on the same page about how money is handled.

Yep, that was our problem before the joint account. I'm great at tracking my own money, and he just wasn't, and really wasn't interested in doing it at all. I don't know how many times I'd ask him "how much is in your account?" and he'd say "I don't know." Having the joint account was a way for me to just take over everything so I didn't have to worry about stuff.

__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

Reply


ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: May 26, 2010 3:37 PM Go to message in response to: CapeTownBride

We also have a joint account that we use for our bills and separate accounts for spending money. I really don't think one way is better than another - you guys just need to figure out what works best for you.

We never had a joint account before we were married (I'd NEVER combine finances with someone without being married - heck, I don't even like sharing finances with DH!). For about the first six months of our marriage, we tried keeping our separate accounts and just assigning joint bills to each of us - but that didn't work out well for us for several reasons. Most importantly, it didn't work out because we don't make the same amount of money. If we had split the joint bills evenly and each paid our own bills, I would have much more extra money - in fact, he probably would have been struggling. And that's not fair. So we tried to divide the bills proportionately, so that we'd each end up with about the same amount of money leftover, even though it meant that I was reasonsible for more bills. That worked for a while, but after a couple months, I started getting annoyed that I was paying most of our joint living expenses - which led to me feeling a little critical whenever DH spent his 'fun money.' It was purely a psychological thing, as I had the same amount of 'fun money' that I could spend - but I kind of felt like, 'Hey...why does he get to spend money if I'm paying so much more of the bills than he is?' That wasn't working, so we tried the joint account.

Having a joint account works much better for both of us. Now our paychecks are simply direct deposited into the joint account, so rather than thinking of my earnings as 'my' money, it's 'our' money and it doesn't bother me that most of the joint bills are paid by my earnings rather than his. Since it worked out so well with our joint bills, we later started paying all our bills with the joint account. I like having one account for nothing but bills, as it's simply a matter of adding up the amount that's due and making sure there's enough money in the account to cover it. We each get the same amount of spending money transferred automatically each pay period into our personal accounts - and we use that account for everything else. No debit card purchases from the joint account. That helps cut down on unnecessary spending, as we each get the same amount and once it's gone, it's gone. It's also easier for us to save this way. DH is not a saver. If he has money in his account, he thinks he can spend it. I'm more of a saver, but I also like to pay bills more aggressively. With a joint account dedicated solely to bills and separate accounts with limited amounts of money in them for spending, we can easily figure out what is leftover after bills and either put it away or make an extra payment on something. If any of that money was in Dh's account, it would just be spent.

That is what works for us, based on our personalities, spending habits, etc. And we only did it because other options were not working. If you guys are used to having separate accounts and sharing living expenses, then I'd go with what works. Sharing finances can be very tricky and it doesn't work for everybody. I wouldn't do it just for the sake of doing it. If things work now, why mess with a good thing? I would continue with things as they are and make changes in the future if something isn't working.


DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

Reply


agd1017 Posts : 464 Registered: 9/14/09
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: May 26, 2010 7:27 PM Go to message in response to: CapeTownBride

It's so very important to realize that the best option for dealing with money issues is whatever works best for you and your FH. There is no right or wrong answer. My FH and I currently have seperate accounts. We each have a checking and a savings. His checking is a branch of his parents account- it's the same one he's had since high school. When we get married, we will keep each of our accounts and open a joint checking account, for bills and such. Our individual accounts will be for fun money and gifts and stuff.

I'm much better with money and bills than he is, so it works for us to have a joint account for those things. But I recognize it's important for us to each have our own account for fun money and such.

Amanda and Eric
10/10/10

Amanda and Eric

 

Reply


aelrod Posts : 92 Registered: 12/5/07
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: May 26, 2010 7:59 PM Go to message in response to: CapeTownBride

I guess I am going against the grain here, but FH (for ten more days!) and I have all joint accounts. Our checking, savings, and credit card accounts are all together and have been for about three years. Originally we did this because I have a family member with a major financial problem (identity theft, fraud, taking debit cards from wallets, etc) and I knew that it would be incredibly difficult for me to prosecute them and that he would have no trouble holding them responsible. We decided that our money was all "our" money and since we are both savers with similar spending habits it has been incredibly easy. We make a point to notify each other if we are making a purchase over a certain amount (not for permission, but for information sharing) and anything below that amount is fair game. Neither of us spend much on anything for ourselves, so we have had no problems. If we want to buy a gift for each other then we either A) make a cash withdrawal from the checking and purchase the gift without a paper trail or B) use the credit card (which is paid off every month to remain interest free) or the debit account and inform the other that they need not look at the bank statements or online accounts until further notice. In fact, I have not been able to see our credit card account for months because FH planned a surprise honeymoon for me and it would be given away if I accessed that account. I guess it boils down to trust and your comfort level. Some people completely trust their partner but are still uncomforable sharing money (i.e. wellbeing in the event of an emergency) and that is okay. It really depends on your relationship and spending habits.

June 05, 2010.

 

Reply
RSS

Thank You
for Signing Up!

Check your e-mail inbox for the latest updates from brides.com

Give a Subscription to Brides Magazine as a Gift
Subscribe to Brides magazine