The Knot boards....

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Pocahontas626 Posts : 15 Registered: 4/15/10
The Knot boards....
Posted: May 1, 2010 12:24 AM

is the WORST website I've ever been to. The wedding woes section is a joke. The girls in there are so mean & catty. They seriously attack some girls and rip them apart. I didn't know what C&P meant, so I posted a reply to what looked like someone's woe. They seemed pretty distraught, so I decided to post a nice reply to counteract all the mean things the girls said (which looked totally normal, because that's how they always advise people.) All the girls on the post, rather than replying by letting me know C&P meant copy and paste, made ANOTHER post, quoting me directly by name, and basically called me an idiot and saying it's the worst advice ever given. Seriously?!? What's wrong with these women?? I will never post there again. I suggest no one else does either.

original post:
http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes

their new post:
http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes

PS. I am Chelsea124.

Weight Loss Goals:
-Start date- 4/15/10
-Goal Weight-140 lbs
-Start Weight- 173 lbs
-Current Weight- 171
lbs
-Wedding-June 26th, 2010!

2 pounds lost so far!

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: The Knot boards....
Posted: May 1, 2010 11:38 AM Go to message in response to: Pocahontas626

welcome!

You'll find we are a bit different...that is not to say we can't get catty :)

However, there are usually reasons for cattiness, so I'd like to give you a couple.

1. Someone comes on posting something ridiculous (for example: my FH's sister just got engaged and wants to get married 4 months before me. How do I tell her she needs to change her date?)

we'll give her the standard "you get one day" thing, and we'll tell her that we do understand she's disappointed, but she can't ask them to change the date.

If she responds with "you guys are mean!", we'll show her what mean really means. if she responds with 'okay...but how do I cope with this?" We'll give her advice.

Basically, people come on here all the time "asking for advice" but really just wanting someone to say "oh you poor baby. The world is treating you so rotten. Here have a tissue while we strategize her destruction!" We're not about that.

2. There are a few topics that have been hashed to death over the years, and unfortunately a newbie trips into them on occasion.
a:) vow renewals/fake weddings - this is not a couple celebrating a major anniversary. This is where a couple got married in a small ceremony (sometimes secretly) and then are planning a huge BWD (big white dress) affair. Some will call it their wedding, others a vow renewal...and others a "fake wedding" because they are already married and therefore it is not a wedding...it's a vow renewal.
b:) Cash only registries
c:) Vendors ... we don't like them. We're not nice to them. There are people who are 'experts' who are on here -- but they are not here to sell their stuff (like Howard), they are here to offer advice in their chosen field. BIG difference.
d:) Super young brides (15 year olds engaged who think that everyone else is super jealous of them because they found their one true love already)
e:) what we term the OMH (old married hags)... or the women who came on here AS brides and stuck around after the wedding (like me). A lot of times, one of the OMHs (or married old hags, but not to be confused with Maid of Honor) says something to a newbie on topic A, B, D (or sometimes C) and the newbie goes off on them for already being married and tells them to leave because they don't belong here. We do, actually...we have been there, done that, probably bought the tshirt. If you can learn from something that we messed up, all the better. Make a new mistake, but try to learn from ours :)

You're not the first to find the Knot boards are not to your taste. I hope you'll enjoy Brides.

Misty

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WoostaBride Posts : 220 Registered: 6/8/09
Re: The Knot boards....
Posted: May 1, 2010 1:06 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

I personally like to go on the Knot boards and f*ck with them for fun....they're a bunch of immature, ignorant babies and it's great to give to them what they try to dish out to others. Try it if you're bored sometime, it's really a good time!!

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amdjelly Posts : 48 Registered: 8/7/09
Re: The Knot boards....
Posted: May 1, 2010 4:12 PM Go to message in response to: WoostaBride

I mostly lurk on The Knot for entertainment value. And yes, those girls can be unnecessarily mean and rude. Many of the issues they are catty about there are the same as the ones here, but the women here manage to say it in a non-aggressive manner. The girls at The Knot immediately start by ripping into you, and a lot of the time the OP really didn't know any better. I've never been a victim myself, but I've seen a lot of it. I also remember reading the original thread, and felt sorry for what I thought was the OP (I didn't realize it was a C&P either). I would have been upset too if I had just given birth and my husband wanted to leave and go out to eat when the baby is like 2 minutes old. I couldn't understand why they were being so mean to the "OP".

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BWFrancie Posts : 70 Registered: 11/11/09
Re: The Knot boards....
Posted: May 1, 2010 5:53 PM Go to message in response to: Pocahontas626

I am getting ready to be "administrator" or "monitor" of a bridal message forum and I am really wondering about what kinds of things to let go and what kinds of things to put a stop to. I mean, it's one thing to have disagreements, but another thing to be rude and even cruel. I guess I will find my way... I've learned a lot from the fine ladies on this forum.

http://www.bride-whisperer.com

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: The Knot boards....
Posted: May 1, 2010 6:49 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

Dear Cat,

You hit most of them, but I'll add a few.

The Fake Rave: Someone who joined today and has one post that says "OMG, fellow brides, I have to tell you about this WONDERFUL online vendor who has the most FABULOUS stuff at the LOWEST prices I've ever seen..."

One came on recently gushing about how the favors from a vendor (namely herself) were so extra special and made her wedding so perfect. Favors. Quite possibly the lowest on the priority totem pole.

The Gimme Pig: This one wants money. They don't want regular tangible gifts, they want greenbacks, filthy lucre, cash, moo-lah, etc, and have come up with all kinds of clever ways to, essentially, send invoices to their guests for cash. The honeymoon registry. The cute little poem inserted in the invitation. "We do not want your trash / Just hand over loads of cash".

The Sock Puppet: You're getting slammed for some reason by one and all? You just invent a new identity who comes in (1-post wonder joined today) and hotly defends the original message. ("I can't imagine why all these people are so mean to you. I think it's perfectly OK if you boot your maid of honor because she's lost some weight and is now thinner than you are. Every bride wants to be surrounded by fat bridesmaids, so she'll look thin by comparison.")




Added later: I just noticed you covered the cash registry. Oh well.

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myras Posts : 396 Registered: 2/26/10
Re: The Knot boards....
Posted: May 1, 2010 9:04 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Wonderful, Cat and Aunt. Another annoyance to me are the questions that only can be answered by the poster (e.g. "My fiance is suddenly acting cold to me. What does it mean?") How can we know?? Most annoying are brides who are too lazy to do a little research all by themselves (e.g. "I just got engaged and have no idea what to do.") How about starting by reading a book or a magazine or a website. Then, ask specific questions that someone might be able to answer. Do NOT expect the people here to plan your whole wedding for you.
myra@classysassyweddings.com

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VšnTillBruden Posts : 353 Registered: 1/16/10
Re: The Knot boards....
Posted: May 2, 2010 3:02 AM Go to message in response to: myras

Yeah, Myras, either lazy, or cheap. After all, going out and buying those books/magazines/planners isn't free, and this is a free online messageboard, filled with women who already know the ins and outs of wedding planning/budgeting/decorating/overall organization, so why not exploit that instead of paying twenty five dollars for a planner & a magazine?

Sorry, that hit a nerve. Haha.

Love me when I least deserve it, because that is when I need it the most. (Swedish proverb)

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: The Knot boards....
Posted: May 2, 2010 9:32 AM Go to message in response to: VšnTillBruden

right, but Van, there are a lot of free online planning guides.

"Where do I start?" there are a lot of places to start. I can't answer such a generic question.

"Where can I find vases?" You got google, same as me. Use it

"Who should I hire as a photographer?" I do not live in your town. I don't know

Some of these things are too generic. However, planning a wedding also has some snags...things they do NOT cover in those planning books...like, how to deal with the REAL LIFE dynamics of divorced families.

and sometimes, you really just need someone to talk you down. We might all have moments where our bridezilla roars. The difference between a true Zilla and one with a Zilla attack is that the TRUE Zilla will not say "Am I being a bridezilla?"... and if she does ask, she will not listen to the answer. Someone having a Zilla Moment will say "I haven't said anything because I think I might be having a Zilla moment... am I?" and when we say "Sorry sweetie, but yes you are." She will go "Thanks for telling me before I did something stupid and lost a friend."

Misty

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: The Knot boards....
Posted: May 2, 2010 12:05 PM Go to message in response to: VšnTillBruden

Yeah, Myras, either lazy, or cheap. After all, going out and buying
those books/magazines/planners isn't free, and this is a free online
messageboard, filled with women who already know the ins and outs of
wedding planning/budgeting/decorating/overall organization, so why not
exploit that instead of paying twenty five dollars for a planner &
a magazine?

I planned our wedding without buying a single magazine or planner. All the info you need is available online - and it's actually much easier to google it yourself then it is to sign up for a message board account, ask your question, and then wait for someone else to google it and respond.

I actually don't mind the threads where people ask questions about specific vendors, even though I rarely have experience with the vendor in question. But I asked a lot of questions (mostly to friends who live in my area or have gotten married there) about particular vendors, as it's nice to have an honest opinion from someone you know and trust. Actually, I'd love to see a sectoin on this forum dedicated to vendor reviews - perhaps organized by city/state and type of vendor - where we could all review the vendors we used for our weddings and future brides could get feedback. That would have been really helpful to me while we were planning our wedding - but I suppose we could always review vendors or read reviews somewhere else if we wanted to.

As for the Knot boards, I only visited there a few times. I found these boards first and settled in, and I didn't like wedding planning enough to be a member of more than one community. Of course, eventually I heard what the Knot boards are like and figured I'd check them out (really...who doesn't enjoy a good trainwreck?), but I was pretty disappointed every time I looked at the boards. Rather than the mega-bitchy catfights I expected, I found threads that didn't even make sense. Maybe I got bored and left too quickly, but I didn't see anything that would scare me away. Still, it didn't seem like a board I'd enjoy, though, as the conversations were stupid and nothing about the place interested me. Granted, this was about three years ago, but everyone said the same things about the Knot boards then as you're saying now. Maybe I just went there on off-days and they weren't in full catty form, or maybe I didn't make it to the right sections of the site, but I didn't see anything I thought particularly mean.

But then again, people come on here every so often and think WE are mean. I've never been remotely offended by anyone on these boards, so maybe I have a thicker skin than most and that explains my disappointment with the Knot boards.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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VšnTillBruden Posts : 353 Registered: 1/16/10
Re: The Knot boards....
Posted: May 2, 2010 1:16 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Sorry, I think I wasn't clear with my previous post:

I don't mind at all when girls as for advice about how to decorate, vendors to use, etc. etc. etc. I love that aspect of wedding planning, and I think it's a lot of fun trying to find things to match a theme/color scheme/budget. And I agree, Art, you don't have to buy the books. There is quite a bit of free information online, and quite a bit of it is more helpful than the things you will find in the books. That being said, the girls that annoy me are the ones who don't seem to understand how to use Google to find even the most basic of things, and expect us to do all the footwork for them.

Love me when I least deserve it, because that is when I need it the most. (Swedish proverb)

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: The Knot boards....
Posted: May 2, 2010 5:22 PM Go to message in response to: myras

Dear Myra,

" Another annoyance to me are the questions that only can be answered by the poster (e.g. "My fiance is suddenly acting cold to me. What does it mean?")"

And then in Message 29, the OP writes "I forgot to mention that the night before, I told him that I have sexual fantasies about his brother.".

Gee, thanks for filling us in on that minor detail.

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Pocahontas626 Posts : 15 Registered: 4/15/10
Re: The Knot boards....
Posted: May 3, 2010 5:24 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I completely understand that harsh advice is sometimes needed. Some people definitely need it lol.
But I don't think it's necessary to attack someone for giving advice. One poster on there said something about using literary clues, even if i didn't know what c&p meant. The only "clue" there would have been was the fact that they were obviously talking ABOUT the girl, whick looked totally normal to me b/c they talk about people on their own posts all the time.

I think I'll like it much better on here :)

Weight Loss Goals:
-Start date- 4/15/10
-Goal Weight-140 lbs
-Start Weight- 173 lbs 
-Current Weight- 171
 lbs
-Wedding-June 26th, 2010! 

2 pounds lost so far!

Reply


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: The Knot boards....
Posted: May 3, 2010 6:15 PM Go to message in response to: Pocahontas626

Dear Poca,

This board has, in general, nice people.

Not to direct this at you, in particular, but it's worth noting that the purpose of an anonymous message board is to get other peoples' honest opinions and advice.

Let's consider a hypothetical.

"I want my wedding to be in blue and white." (So far, so good.) "I want everything in blue and white." (OK, no problem.) "I even want the guests to wear nothing but blue and white. How can I word the invitation to let people know they should only wear blue and white, but no other colors?"

Such a message would get slammed. The bride would be told that is totally out of line and there is no, repeat, no way to do this without making people mad.

"I'd decline such an invitation in a heartbeat."
"You've got to be kidding. That's totally out of line."
"Really rude. You can't do that."
"Mega-stupid."
"Go hire some movie extras and send them to a costume shop. Why bother your friends and family with such a stupid idea."
"I would be really ticked off to get such an invitation, and would tell the bride to stuff her blue and white where the sun don't shine."
etc.

One of two things can happen.

The bride reconsiders, and says "Thanks, ladies, you're right, that is a dumb idea." She moves on, has a nice wedding, and friend and family are happy with her.

or

The bride gets mad about the "snobs" on this message board and how it's HER DAY and she is sick of stupid etiquette keeping her from having the wedding of her dreams. Her friends and family are too scared of her to say anything, so she goes ahead with it and makes everyone mad. Then, later, she hears through The Gossip Grapevine about how horrible that "blue and white wedding" was and how everyone laughed at the bride behind her back.

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Pocahontas626 Posts : 15 Registered: 4/15/10
Re: The Knot boards....
Posted: May 4, 2010 12:43 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

a girl like that needs a swift kick in the @ss haha. don't worry, i'm not doing anything "frowned upon." no cash bar, no honymoon/cash registry, no colored dress code. So I shouldn't have any problems :)

Weight Loss Goals:
-Start date- 4/15/10
-Goal Weight-140 lbs
-Start Weight- 173 lbs 
-Current Weight- 171
 lbs
-Wedding-June 26th, 2010! 

2 pounds lost so far!

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