Do I have to include my SIL as a bridesmaid?

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MaryMcGwen Posts : 19 Registered: 4/27/10
Do I have to include my SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Apr 27, 2010 11:26 PM

I recently got engaged four months ago, after having dated my fiancee for six years. Currently in the wedding planning, my fiance and I are finalizing our wedding party decisions. My biggest problem is his sister/my future sister-in-law and whether or not I am obligated to have her as a bridesmaid. I have one brother who is also my only sibling, and my fiance has this one sister who is his only sibling. I am very close to my brother, in fact he is my best friend, and my fiance is very close to my brother and they consider themselves the closest of friends. However, both my fiance and myself are not close to my future sister-in-law. In the recent past my future sister-in-law has attempted to break my fiance and myself up, she constantly bullies my fiance, she attempts to control the family, she can do no wrong in the eyes of her parents, she tells lies about my fiance and me to my future in-laws (causing tension between my in-laws and my fiance and I), she is attention seeking and rather crude, and while I see my future sister-in-law a few times a year at holidays or random outings, we clearly are not fans of one another. On my wedding day I wish to surround myself in my bridal party with those girls that are closest to me in my life whether that be my family or friends. With that said, I strongly do not desire to have her standing aside me and representing my finace and my relationship. Am I obligated to have her in the wedding? PLEASE HELP!

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Do I have to include my SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Apr 27, 2010 11:48 PM Go to message in response to: MaryMcGwen

Dear Mary,

No you are not obliged to have future SIL in your wedding, especially considering her past actions.

Choose the ladies you want to have with you and ask them to be bridesmaids. If SIL makes a stink, just ignore her. She's a jerk, and I'm sure a lot of people know that.

Have you considered asking your brother to stand up with you? You don't need to limit your attendants to just females. If your brother acts as a man of honor, then that might solve some of your problems, especially if you have no sisters of your own to ask.

A brother standing up for his sister would not go in drag, but instead would choose menswear of a similar formality of the groom and groomsmen, but in a different style or color.

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Do I have to include my SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Apr 28, 2010 6:52 AM Go to message in response to: MaryMcGwen

Whether your brother stands up on your side or on the groom's side since they are such good friends, you are not obligated to have your FSIL as a member of the bridal party. You aren't obligated to have anyone as a member of your bridal party.

In fact, I have been to and have heard of a few weddings where the bridal party consisted of some of, but not all of the bride's siblings. My Mom for example was not as close with her two older sisters as she was with her sister two years younger than her and her two college best friends. One of her college best friends was her MOH and her younger sister and her other friend were bridesmaids. The older 2 sisters were not members of the bridal party.

So don't worry about including a future in-law, especially one that seems like...a bad word.

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: Do I have to include my SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Apr 28, 2010 9:56 AM Go to message in response to: MaryMcGwen

If there were no issues with you and your FSIL, I would say "why not?" unless you already had more people that you want, or some other reason that could make it complicated. Once I read further into your post though, my answer was NOOO! If she is causing problems between you and your FH, and with you guys and his parents, to me it sounds like she doesn't really support the relationship, so how in the world is she supposed to support you guys getting married? You don't want someone up there who is against you guys. And if I were in your position and she asked why she isn't a BM, I honestly would have no problem saying to her the exact reason why.

Good luck with the FSIL, and hopefully as time goes by she'll grow up!

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Do I have to include my SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Apr 28, 2010 10:50 AM Go to message in response to: MaryMcGwen

Absolutely not.

I actually like both of my SIL's but I still didn't use them as bridesmaids. I wanted bridesmaids I was completely comfortable with and who knew me very well. So I went with friends.

Additionally, given the problems people often have when they pick bridesmaids they know to be difficult people, I'd highly recommend that you not choose her.

__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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Agape14 Posts : 201 Registered: 12/31/08
Re: Do I have to include my SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Apr 29, 2010 11:14 AM Go to message in response to: MaryMcGwen

I recently got into an "intense discussion" with one of my bridesmaids who thought it odd that my brother wasn't one of FH's groomsmen. My response was "they're not friends, so why would he be", and her position was that in her culture, the siblings are always included in the wedding party, standing on the appropriate gender side (boys with boys, girls with girls) regardless of level of their actual relationship with the bride and groom. In nicer words, I basically told her that made no sense, but she couldn't get her head around the logic of what I was saying because "that's the way things are done".

So, I totally agree with the other posters that beyond the fact that you aren't obigated to, you SHOULDN'T since she's already a troublemaker. But beware, there will be people out there, like my bridesmaid, who will throw out the 'tradition' card to bully you about this. Just ignore them though.

 

 

~~Life's tough, wear a cup~~

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triciam Posts : 128 Registered: 2/19/09
Re: Do I have to include my SIL as a bridesmaid?
Posted: Apr 29, 2010 5:34 PM Go to message in response to: MaryMcGwen

I have three brothers and all of them are in the wedding. My fiance has a sister and she will not be in the wedding. Her and I get along but we are not close... I actually talk to her more than my fiance does. I think it is ok to not have her in the wedding if you and your fiance are not close to her.

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