Excitement is Fading

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turtle2 Posts : 56 Registered: 11/3/09
Excitement is Fading
Posted: Apr 19, 2010 12:06 PM

I know my BF will be getting a ring soonish (next couple months) but my excitement has faded. We are questioning how good we will be as spouses. He keeps saying "is this who i am going to marry?" sometimes jokingly, sometimes seriously. I say the same thing sometimes. I need him to stick to his word about being more relgious (his idea not mine) and I need to be a nicer person in general. I still want to get married next june but we both have some growing up to do before then. What if we don't grow up fast enough? What if he doesn't propose for a long time? Not too long ago we were so sure of ourselves and getting married but now... i don't know if we will change

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amdjelly Posts : 48 Registered: 8/7/09
Re: Excitement is Fading
Posted: Apr 19, 2010 4:26 PM Go to message in response to: turtle2

It's a good thing that you have said now that you both have some growing up to do before you get married, rather than later. However, you need to wait to get engaged until you are both ready to be husband and wife at that exact moment. There is no predicting how much growth either of you will experience in a year. If the two of you aren't ready to be married (forget about the wedding part) TODAY, then you should not be getting engaged yet. Work on your issues as a couple first, then start planning a wedding. Being engaged is not just wearing a pretty ring and picking out flowers and dresses, or about a big party. Being engaged is about marrying the love of your life.

Maybe you should do a little introspection, ask yourself, "Is this the man I want to be with for the rest of my life, no matter what, exactly the way he is RIGHT NOW?" If the answer is "Well yes, once he starts being more religious" or "Yes, as long as he changes this or that" then you really should not be thinking about marriage right now. Don't count on a man to change; in fact you shouldn't try to change him. Your husband-to-be should be someone that you accept just the way he is. If religion isn't a big deal to him, or if his favorite color is blue, then that is all part of who he is. He's a whole package, not a buffet dinner where you can pick and choose the qualities that you like and change or throw out the ones you don't.

I'm not saying any of this to be mean, and if it sounds a bit harsh, I apologize. But from what I have seen in this post, it doesn't seem to me like your relationship is ready for the next level. I would hate for you to be posting about your divorce a couple of years from now, and would like to save you that heartache.

Edit: I re-read your post to make sure I hadn't missed anything. I saw that the religion thing was idea and not yours. However, my previous point still stands. This is not something you should expect him to "stick to", or change in himself. Nor should he expect you to change yourself. If he wants to be more religious, then it's on his timeline. If he decides he doesn't want to go that route after all, then that is something you will need to either accept, or move on. Again, if you are questioning things at this point, you are not ready to be married.

Edited by: amdjelly on Apr 19, 2010 4:26 PM

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agd1017 Posts : 464 Registered: 9/14/09
Re: Excitement is Fading
Posted: Apr 19, 2010 5:40 PM Go to message in response to: turtle2

My suggestion is to seek out pre-marriage counseling. It's a good idea for ANY engaged couple, but especially in situations like yours, where one or both of the couple is unsure about his/her readiness to get married and be in a marriage. My FH and I are in pre-marriage counseling, and we both agree that we are well suited for each other and get along well, communicate well, etc. We just feel it's a good idea, can't hurt right?

If you belong to a church, you could speak with your pastor about the possibility of getting this counseling through him/her. It could truly save your relationship.

Good luck.

Amanda and Eric
10/10/10

Amanda and Eric

 

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BlueBoxBlueShoes Posts : 49 Registered: 2/15/10
Re: Excitement is Fading
Posted: Apr 19, 2010 8:48 PM Go to message in response to: turtle2

I do not think you are ready to be engaged. I think that you may potentially be with The One, but it is still too soon to get married.

You owe it to yourself to be 100% sure + some that you're tying yourself down to the right guy. As you get older and grow, you'll meet other people. You don't want five years from now to meet someone who could potentially be your soul mate (has the same values, spending habits, beliefs on raising children, desires the same level of lifestyle) and be stuck with the guy that you hoped would have grown up.

Statistical fact is that women want to get married sooner than men. But, when researchers measured happiness they found single women and married men to be the happiest. Their conclusion? Most women want the diamond ring, pretty dress and big party but are rushing a guy that won't pull his own weight in a marriage because he hasn't grown the eff up. Married men on the other hand are happier down the line because they can let themselves go and can have a wife do most of what they don't want to do (dishes, mopping, laundry, grocery shopping) themselves.

I'm not anti-marriage and I'm looking very forward to marrying my guy. I just think its important for young ladies to know that marriage is a legal contract. It's basically a business transaction... You're best off partnering with your best friend, but at the end of the day marriage is about "I will do xxxxx. You will be doing yyyyyyyy. And we'll be doing this for the rest of our lives as we work towards our common goals together." Make sure YOU aren't getting the raw end of the deal!

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turtle2 Posts : 56 Registered: 11/3/09
Re: Excitement is Fading
Posted: Apr 20, 2010 12:19 AM Go to message in response to: turtle2

i told him today that i think we should grow up today (not any of the other details i mentioned here just that simple statement) He said "why do you want to grow up? We shouldn't grow up! Once you grow up, there's no turning back" That's what I love about him, his silly side because my silly side is very small. But i'm still nervous. I think we'll be getting the pre marital counseling from the church anyways. I will pray and see if God answers. Thanks guys for your help.

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Leli Posts : 89 Registered: 1/12/09
Re: Excitement is Fading
Posted: Apr 20, 2010 1:24 AM Go to message in response to: turtle2

I'm going to have to agree with your boyfriend on this one. You guys are still very young, as I recall from your previous posts. If he feels like you're not mature enough to get married, then don't do it. Also, you can't just say "I think I'm going to grow up today" and bam. You learn things through experience and problem solving. You're only 17; as your boyfriend said- once you grow up you can't go back. Enjoy your teenage years while you can. Get married after you gain some more life experience.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Excitement is Fading
Posted: Apr 20, 2010 4:19 PM Go to message in response to: turtle2

I'm confused. Why do you need to get married next June if neither of you are ready? What's the rush? Why not wait until the time is right?

What if we don't grow up fast enough?

Then don't get married next June. That's a no-brainer.

What if he doesn't propose for a long time?

It sounds like he would be right to wait a long time to propose. Why would you get engaged now if you're not ready to get married? And why on earth would you plan to get married next June if you're not ready? I don't get it at all.

But the easy answer is this: If you aren't ready, don't get engaged. If you're not ready to get married, DON'T GET MARRIED YET. The world will go on if you're not married next June, and by the sound of it, you'll be much better off that way.


DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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HamzicBride Posts : 178 Registered: 12/28/09
Re: Excitement is Fading
Posted: Apr 21, 2010 11:14 AM Go to message in response to: BlueBoxBlueShoes

You shouldn't be second guessing this. If you are, then it's the right time for you to get engaged.

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BetsyKline Posts : 1 Registered: 4/20/10
Re: Excitement is Fading
Posted: Apr 21, 2010 10:58 PM Go to message in response to: turtle2

Please, please take your time with this decision. From what your saying, it doesn't sound like either of you are connvinced and in a truly happy place with each other. I know this might sound a bit strange but take a personality test or compatability test and get a feel for who is a good match for you. This also might sound strange but Cheiro's book of numbers really hits home with compatability. I have seen it time and time again. It is sometimes as simple as looking at your day of birth for each of you and you will know right away. Don't take this lightly either way take your time and just make certain. My best to you.


letterpress invitations


Edited by: BetsyKline on Apr 21, 2010 10:58 PM

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