FH Sister is crashing the honeymoon?

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casey333 Posts : 4 Registered: 4/16/10
FH Sister is crashing the honeymoon?
Posted: Apr 16, 2010 4:24 PM

Hello Ladies,

I am new to the forum, hopefully someone can help me! :)

My FH and I are getting married in Hawaii next month (May 12th) - we are so excited! We've been dating 7 years, got engaged exactly a year ago, and had initially planned a Sept/Oct 2010 wedding in Hawaii. However, with the news that we may have trouble getting pregnant, we pushed the date up to May so that we can start trying to conceive as soon as possible. With this decision, we knew most our friends and family would not be able to come, and we are completely okay with that. We plan to host a small reception when we return home for family and close friends.
We did ask some of our immediate family to come if they could afford the trip. No one on my side can make it...in fact, the only person that can is my FH sister. We were so excited that we would have at least one family member witness our big day!
We have paid to stay in a little (romantic) 1 bedroom bungalow just a block from the beach. We offered for my FH sister to stay with us if she needs to save money (our mistake). Here's the problem (and I really hope someone can tell me how to feel better about it): she is staying almost the entire trip! I guess I expected that she would understand we will want some alone time and not stay more than a few days. We will have only 2 days to ourselves! keep in mind, this is our wedding and honeymoon trip all in one! We are on a very tight budget. I didn't get the dress I wanted, opted for something MUCH cheaper, so we can save money for future baby. Now, I'm having to pay extra for a bed for her. My FH says she will do her own thing...but how can we enjoy the honeymoon with her in the next room for 5 days of the 7 day trip? Am I just being grouchy today? If anyone can help me feel better about it, that would be great. ...at this point, I'm not even excited about the trip anymore. Thanks for all advice!


VntgGoth2010 Posts : 57 Registered: 1/24/10
Re: FH Sister is crashing the honeymoon?
Posted: Apr 16, 2010 4:56 PM Go to message in response to: casey333

Yikes! I don't know what to say but yeah, having a 3rd wheel is no fun ESPECIALLY when it's your honeymoon and you want to conceive asap. The first thing that I can think of is talking to your FH and having him talk to his sister and say "hey. love you but can't have you stick around". I'm assuming your Hubs to be isn't necessarily to keen with his sister staying with you either. Good luck and congrats!
    When is my wedding


casey333 Posts : 4 Registered: 4/16/10
Re: FH Sister is crashing the honeymoon?
Posted: Apr 16, 2010 5:03 PM Go to message in response to: VntgGoth2010

Well, unfortunately, I spoke with my FH about my feelings and he says I'm being too negative. He thinks she is smart enough to know to leave us to ourselves...but I thought she was also smart enough to leave a day or two after the ceremony. He is just happy to have family there. But now I feel like all the romance is out the window. I guess there is no real solution, just hope she doesn't make it wierd for us. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Sometimes, it is good just to be able to vent to someone! :) Thanks for listening!


kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: FH Sister is crashing the honeymoon?
Posted: Apr 16, 2010 6:46 PM Go to message in response to: casey333

Wo, I have to agree with your FH. You are being very negative and a little selfish. Why in the world would you think someone is going to shell out hundreds of dollars to spend one or two days in Hawaii? I will not go up the highway to spend one night that is a waste of time and money. I don't know where you all live but a flight from CA to Hawaii is five hours and if you live somewhere else that just adds to the flight time. If you didn't want to have a third wheel you should not have invited people to come on the trip.




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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: FH Sister is crashing the honeymoon?
Posted: Apr 16, 2010 7:13 PM Go to message in response to: casey333

before I give you a negative response, I want to clarify what the issue is. I can see it two ways...one way I agree with you and one way I agree with FH.

1. You're annoyed that your sister is staying in Hawaii and not going home, and you're afraid she's going to crash all your time together.
--my response: Get real! If I spend mega bucks to fly out there, you can bet I'm staying for longer than just to watch you get hitched!

2. Your sister is not simply staying in Hawaii....she's actually staying IN the honeymoon bungalow.
--my response: She needs to get her own damned room! You're on your honeymoon and you should be allowed to walk around the bungalow in the buff if you want to do so, without worrying about what time the sister is coming back to the room.

So....if you're irked that she's staying at the same hotel, get over it. If, however, she's staying WITH you, FH needs to tell her that she can stay WITH you until Wedding Day...but she will need to have her own lodgings after the ceremony. It is a touch unreasonable to ask the newlyweds to share their hotel room (whether it is a bungalow or a suite...the bottom line is you rented a bungalow rather than merely a bedroom for a reason, and that reason should mean that you don't have to share your HONEYMOON with your sister.)



August28th Posts : 153 Registered: 1/28/09
Re: FH Sister is crashing the honeymoon?
Posted: Apr 24, 2010 12:50 PM Go to message in response to: casey333

Well, it is your bad for having invited her to stay with you. But it is odd that she accepted. There is no way I would stay in the same bungalow as my brother and new wife on their honeymoon. If she couldn't have afforded to attend the wedding (which includes lodging, not just travel expenses) she should've turned down the invitation.

But what's done is done, you've invited her to shack up with you and she agreed. You can 1. offer to find her another place to stay (hopefully on another island) and pay for it yourself, 2. tell her she needs to find and pay for her own place to stay (which would be rude since you've already said you'd pay for her), or 3. deal with her on what's supposed to be your most romantic, most naked week of your life (and hope she's not clingy and can do her own thing).

This is one reason I didn't go for a DW. My mom really wanted me to have one, but I wanted all my family and friends there for my wedding and no one remotely near us for our honeymoon. It's a time to be alone.

Well, good luck with this situation. I really hope you're able to have your own space so you can love away and hopefully make that baby! I really hope she decides (on her own) to find another place to stay. It would be better for all of you. Good luck!!

True love is like a ghost which many talk about but few have ever seen.


BWFrancie Posts : 70 Registered: 11/11/09
Re: FH Sister is crashing the honeymoon?
Posted: Apr 24, 2010 5:04 PM Go to message in response to: casey333

I agree with August that you are the one who invited her to stay, and so she may think it is perfectly cool with you... even though I would never crash my brother's honeymoon. If it is in anyway possible for you to find her a hotel room and pay for it yourself, that is exactly what I would do. You can't expect her to pay for it, because you invited her. So, get on ebay and start selling clothes, books, cd's, or whatever you have to in order to raise the money to pay for her hotel. If there is a will, there is a way. And having my new husband to myself would be very motivating for me to raise the money!

Once you get the money, you have your FH to say, "We thought you would be more comfortable having your own room and your own privacy. We will of course be getting together for dinner, etc.! Who knows sis, maybe you will find the man of your dreams while you're here!" or something like that. I bet she would be really happy with her own space. I know I would.

Your honeymoon is a time to have wild spontaneous sex around the clock! haha! Maybe. Especially if you are trying to conceive right away! It would be well worth the money to buy her a hotel room!

I took my son and his fiance to Aruba last year and I paid for them a room and for me a separate room. I am smart enough to know how valuable that time was for them. :)

Good luck Sweetie!


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