An engagement in the very near future!

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ChrisBride Posts : 33 Registered: 1/14/09
An engagement in the very near future!
Posted: Mar 17, 2010 4:54 PM

I've been posting randomly on here for about a year now and had to tell you guys first when I heard what my boyfriend told me last week. We we're walking home one day after work and my BF says that his income refund is planning to be a lot. I didn't think much of it until he said, "So I just wanted to warn you, I'm proposing to you soon." I couldn't believe he just dropped that on me lol But since he knows I love time frames, I said "When should I expect this, in December sometime?" His response, " Oh God no, try within 2 months but I'm not giving you any more information besides that you'll just have to be surprised." So since he's waiting to tell his parents and ask for my parents blessing, I've been secretly glowing for days! I had to tell you guys because I've been busting at the seams!!!

There is one little snag and I was wondering everyone's advice. My FH is 22 and in May I turn 20, we both live together with his parents but are saving up to move out and are buying the "big" expenses first. We both dropped out of college because it just wasn't for us, don't get me wrong we have semi good jobs and make decent money. When I told my dad (who's VERY laid back) to expect the proposal, he just criticized me and told me I was too young. My grandmother who I'm very close to also said that and that I hadn't "been with anybody else". Mind you, we've been together for 3 years this July! He hasn't said anything to his parents, but we know they will be very supportive. I'm just wondering if it's wrong that I'm upset that my end of the family seems very negative and against me getting married? I'm the only child in my family and the only granddaughter. I just need some help because I've been really hurt by their reaction and I'm just wondering if EVERYONE feels that same way...
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Colelle Posts : 48 Registered: 6/21/09
Re: An engagement in the very near future!
Posted: Mar 17, 2010 5:43 PM Go to message in response to: ChrisBride

Well that's exciting! Anyway, I can completley relate. I'm 21, and I'll be 22 when I get married this July (although I just graduated from college and am looking for a job). Fh's parents were estatic and very happy for us. My whole family is/was against it and tried to talk me out of it (similar reasons-you're too young, he's been the only guy you've ever dated, etc etc.).

My mom still nags at me when she gets the chance, but I made it clear that we knew what we were doing. I didn't get one sincere, happy 'congratulations' when I got engaged. Now, everyone is excited for my wedding (because they accepted that its going to happen), but I know that they're really thinking I shouldn't do it and that I'm making a huge mistake. They criticized my wedding plans, my fiance`, even my future career goals. Its totally about fear--my parents were being all clingy about me growing up, graduating college, getting married, and leaving the 'nest'.

You should definitely listen to their concerns and awknowledge them (my parents just wanted me to awknowledge that they had a lot of experience and had a lot to share with me). At the same time you can lovingly tell them that you have decided to do what will be best for yourself/make you happy. You just have to be patient, and even tell them that you won't discuss the issue if they're too forceful (I had to cut off conversations sometimes because they kept escalating).

Just a warning, when you get engaged if your family doesn't support you (and even if they do lol) it'll be pretty stressful, just the pressure of it all. Fh and I learned a lot about each other since we got engaged in October just because of all the new issues that occured after getting engaged. I highly recommend that you get some marriage counseling books--they've not only helped our communication but also with how I talk to my parents. You should read The Seven Principale for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman--it covers everything and is super informative, plus it has a good section on how to talk with in-laws.

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HamzicBride Posts : 178 Registered: 12/28/09
Re: An engagement in the very near future!
Posted: Mar 17, 2010 10:12 PM Go to message in response to: ChrisBride

Congrats!! oh my gosh that is so exciting! I can't wait to hear the story of how it happens and see the official pictures of the ring! I am sooo happy for you!!

You know what, the situation with your parents is unfortunate, but what matters is your relationship with your husband to be. Make sure you still respect everyone involved in the picture and don't take any of it personally(and it's going to be hard because it's all directed to the both of you). As it was posted earlier, make sure you keep communication going between your honey and yourself. Going to be a lot of trials coming up with your new engagement and no one being happy for you guys or showing report.

This is so exciting! Hope you come and share the news quickly after it happens! congrats again!!

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ChrisBride Posts : 33 Registered: 1/14/09
Re: An engagement in the very near future!
Posted: Mar 17, 2010 11:19 PM Go to message in response to: HamzicBride

Thanks you guys! I really appreciate the advice because I was starting to think I was going crazy and it hasn't even become official yet lol I will definitely tell the story the day it happens and pictures of course will be up...I'm very nervous/excited to see how he decides to do it he says it's already planned out and everything! YAY!
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HamzicBride Posts : 178 Registered: 12/28/09
Re: An engagement in the very near future!
Posted: Mar 18, 2010 12:24 AM Go to message in response to: ChrisBride

He is such a bad boy! he shouldn't have said anything and completely surprise you! now you're going to be thinking about it and you won't be surprised when it happens. What a bad boy! Will be keeping an eye out on the forum for you ;)

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waiting2bemrs Posts : 9 Registered: 3/22/10
Re: An engagement in the very near future!
Posted: Mar 22, 2010 2:29 PM Go to message in response to: HamzicBride

Oh lucky you! At least you have a 2 month time-frame! I am in the same situation as you, my BF told me that he is going to propose 'soon' and is just waiting for the perfect time! How soon is soon!?

Don't worry about the age thing, nor that you dropped out of college. Personally I don't think having a college education is a must to be successful in this world. Perhaps that is because my father never went to college, and is extremely successful. Even though you are 20 and your FH is 22 (and that is young) you seem to be mature, and I feel that being mature is more important than your age. I know plenty of women (and men) who are in their 30s and are less mature than many of the 20-some year olds I know.

Congrats on your 'looming engagement'. Post a picture of the ring when you get it!

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angust87 Posts : 35 Registered: 3/24/10
Re: An engagement in the very near future!
Posted: Mar 29, 2010 3:42 PM Go to message in response to: ChrisBride

well, first of all, i'm very excited for you. my bf told me me that he was going to propose than was't ready, i posted that story on here last week i think. than he told me this saturday that he wants to propose when we go to mexico in 4 1/2 weeks. i mean talk about a lot of emotions and happiness, and than you stop and think, "wait, wasn't that suppose to be a surprise" guess not lol...well when i told my family what he had said they first we're weirded out that he told me, than they said that 23 was young for marriage, than it was, well you guys have only been together about a year, and finally, it was, well you both love each other and take care of each other and have been through a lot already, i'm sure it'll work and he will be a great husband. so even though they went through all of those thoughts within a 3 hour time frame...i'm sure you're family will come around, not sure when, but they know you guys love each other and they know that you will be happy together and that' really all a family can ask/wish for you. so i wouldn't worry about it, just have fun and start getting excited about spending the rest of your lives together.
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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: An engagement in the very near future!
Posted: Mar 29, 2010 3:57 PM Go to message in response to: ChrisBride

Well first off, congratulations! You sound very excited!

To the core of my post. Does your family have reason to have negative reactions? You said that you live with your boyfriend. Are you financially independent? Do you have career aspirations?

You are quite young. Have you traveled? Have you dated other people before? Have you grown as a person independently from your boyfriend?

There are many things that I think people should do before getting married. But of course that is just me.

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ChrisBride Posts : 33 Registered: 1/14/09
Re: An engagement in the very near future!
Posted: Apr 1, 2010 8:47 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

Thank you everyone for the comments and well wishes! I was so overwhelmed when everyone had such nice things to say and I agree with you I think my parents will come around to the idea but it will take them a long time. That is if I think I know them as well as I do lol. Brighter, we have both dated other people before and realized we never felt this way about anyone else we've dated. As for the traveling, we both have gotten certified scuba diver since we've been together and plan on go aound the world to dive together plus when we both we're younger me and him both traveled around the country so that's pretty much down lol. We do live with roommates but for the most part we pay for our own ways it's not like we ask our families for money or any burden we feel that if we can't pay for it ourself then we don't need it.

Just an update for you guys: Yesterday we took a walk in downtown Philly to a place called Jeweler's Row it's a whole bunch of jewelry shops. We went just so he could get a feel of what I wanted and what I would like my ring to look like. Well we saw this store and was just wondering how much certain stones cost or sizes. Then the woman showed us this ring that they only had one of left in the store and it was in his price range and it was GORGEOUS! She tried to talk him into putting a deposit down, but I thought it was too much pressure and said he would come back. Then out of nowhere he jumps in and says "Oh I'll put more than half down now and pick it up later:" I cannot tell you how my face dropped! So I got fitted for it and looked at it under the microscope and it's ordered!! Then today he tells me that he told his parents and they are thrilled! I'm so happy because I'm really close to his mom and she's excited about it. So now he's saying he's getting ready to face my family and from there on I can't know anything until the actual proposal. I'm so excited I can't believe he just said yes and bought the ring just there I'm in complete shock! More details to follow later!
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LOnDZ Posts : 57 Registered: 6/10/07
Re: An engagement in the very near future!
Posted: Apr 3, 2010 9:36 PM Go to message in response to: ChrisBride

He sounds like a very sweet guy! Congrats! I can't wait to hear the story of your proposal and see that gorgeous ring.

As far as your family is concerned, it's your life and you just tell them that you don't need to sow your wild oats to know that you love this man and want to be with him forever.

My guy's mom detests marriage (after her own divorce) and never misses a beat to say she doesn't need a man to make her happy. She loves me and calls me her daughter in law, but it's still unnerving to know how she feels about marriage.

Good luck and keep us updated.

 

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ChrisBride Posts : 33 Registered: 1/14/09
Re: An engagement in the very near future!
Posted: Apr 15, 2010 12:28 AM Go to message in response to: LOnDZ

Just wanted to update everyone on any recent events please bear with me it's a tad long lol

Last night, my FH asked my parents for their blessing and he was so uber nervous but they actually we're really excited so I'm really happy!! Anyways, tonight we went out with my parents to Outback for a nice steak and since we're BIG Flyers hockey fans we rushed home to watch the end of the first playoff game that we won! So we went upstairs and we started talking wedding stuff and how happy I am that all of our family is ok with everything. And for you guys who have been reading our families being happy for us was a huge thing for both of us. Since he went to the ring store a few days ago, I've been trying to get him to tell me whether he has the ring or not and so he started joking and trying to tell me the look in my jewelry box, a drawer, etc but of course I thought he was just screwing around with me. Then he turned the lights off and the top of bedroom ceiling had glow in the dark stars and I looked up and when I looked down I saw him kneeling on the floor. He pulled out a box and asked me to marry him!!!!!! So I guess this post is to tell everyone I got my ring we're engaged!!!!! I'm so excited I can barely type this!!!







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CaliforniaLove Posts : 15 Registered: 2/15/09
Re: An engagement in the very near future!
Posted: Apr 15, 2010 5:49 PM Go to message in response to: ChrisBride

Congratulations ChrisBride! Let the planning begin!

Are you going to do engagement pictures in Philly? If so, let me know if you come across any great photographers. :) The bf and I would like to do some engagement pics in Philly in front of the love sign and City Hall. Might as well make the most of our 2 year separation.. hehe.

Good luck with everything! Your ring is beautiful!

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ChrisBride Posts : 33 Registered: 1/14/09
Re: An engagement in the very near future!
Posted: Apr 15, 2010 7:05 PM Go to message in response to: CaliforniaLove

Well my fiance (OMG did I actually just say that?!??) is a photographer and he went to college for photographic imaging so he knows a lot of good photographers he went to school with. I will let you know if he finds anybody or prospects because he's in charge of all videography/photography things now lol
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BlueBoxBlueShoes Posts : 49 Registered: 2/15/10
Re: An engagement in the very near future!
Posted: Apr 16, 2010 12:56 AM Go to message in response to: ChrisBride

Best wishes on your new engagement!

Try and not let your family's comments bother you. I'll even admit that on paper, I would argue that you still have your 20s ahead of you if you wanted to continue to grow as an individual before settling down. There's statistics and studies, but at the end of the day if the two of you are committed to growing together as a couple and investing your time into the friendship aspect of a relationship then that is all that matters :)

My BF and I have been together for a very, very long time. We're older than you (25) and we still sometimes get the comments about settling down too soon. Though now at 25, when I hang out with a high school sweetheart and I see how they turned out at 25... I thank my lucky stars that it's no longer 1950 and I'm not stuck with that idiot. Over the course of eight or nine years, I have lived in several different, fabulous US cities. I visited Europe. I've held down a real job and I've had to do the not-so-fun stuff like manage my own money and file my own taxes. I've had late nights with my BF and with friends only. I bought my own car by myself (went to the lot alone). I've gone on "girls' trips" with friends only. I think that if you still do these things, married or not, you're not letting your 20s pass you by. Please don't let your 20s pass you by... You'll know what I'm talking about when you are Facebooking friends from high school in 5 years!

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