Brides who waited, can we hear from you?

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frontiergirl28 Posts : 14 Registered: 8/2/07
Brides who waited, can we hear from you?
Posted: Aug 21, 2009 12:32 PM

This is a question for brides who are already married... and were virgins up until their wedding night.

There seem to be an awful lot of threads by and for women who are waiting, but I want to hear from the ones who already did!

Can you tell us about the experience? Are you glad you waited? Was it awkward/painful/wonderful?

Were you so tired after the wedding that you didn't even want to? :)

Just let us virgin brides have an idea of what it was like for you. Thanks!
~ Counting the days till I marry my prince ~

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August28th Posts : 153 Registered: 1/28/09
Re: Brides who waited, can we hear from you?
Posted: Sep 4, 2009 11:49 PM Go to message in response to: frontiergirl28

Hey there! I was a virgin up until my wedding night--which was only a week ago today! In answers to your questions, YES, I am very glad I waited, it's something very special that I was able to give my husband and only my husband on that special night. He was a virgin too and it made it extra special!

Was it awkward? Yes blushing. I thought it would be like the movies and everything would go where it was supposed to automatically, but nope, it took a few tries and a few guiding hands by me!

Was it painful? Yes. Actually it still is a little bit, it's weird, but a week later sometimes it hurts too bad to do it and other times it feels great and leads to wonderful things :). But that night it did hurt, not unbearable, but unpleasant and so we went to sleep and tried again the next morning and it was still painful but better. Relaxing really does help, it's hard to relax at first, but it keeps the pain from being worse. Also we use KY jelly--just the plain old kind, nothing fancy--and that helps too, it makes it easier to slide things into were they're supposed to go! Also, foreplay! Make sure you're in the mood and can produce some of your own lubrication b/e that helps! Just jumping into it w/out having some fun before hand is spontaneous, but at this point in our sex life, it would be too painful for me, so it might be different for you, but that's what I reccommend.

Was it wonderful? Not the first time, I mean it was great being naked w/ my husband blushing again and the joining of our bodies, but it wasn't fireworks or crescendos or anything. But trust me in the past week (at the times that it doesn't hurt) it has been more than wonderful! Better than I ever imagined--it has been fireworks and crescendos! I'm so glad I waited to experience this w/ my husband!

I hope this helps! I'm still new at the sex thing, but I thought I'd let you know my experience w/ the whole thing:) Good luck!!!!!!

True love is like a ghost which many talk about but few have ever seen.

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Brooke051609 Posts : 723 Registered: 12/31/07
Re: Brides who waited, can we hear from you?
Posted: Sep 5, 2009 12:18 AM Go to message in response to: frontiergirl28

Hi there! I know we've actually had similar threads like this, but wanted to answer your questions for you anyway!!


Can you tell us about the experience? Are you glad you waited? Was it awkward/painful/wonderful?
The experience was great! I had read a lot of the sex threads on here so got some pointers before hand on what to do and what not to do the night of. Like, don't take a shower right before (it can dry you out). Also, a good friend talked to me the night before and just offered some helpful advice, like to just relax!! And to buy some good lube!!

For me, I'm glad I waited. My DH and I had been together for 8 years, I knew I was going to marry him, but we both wanted to save this experience for our wedding night. We'd already been through SO much together already, and had lived together before getting married, but wanted to save something for that evening.

It wasn't awkard at all really! It was kind of funny actually, we knew we were getting ready to do it, and we acted like we didn't know how to make out! haha But once you get going, it works out! It wasn't painful really, but was a bit uncomfortable.. hence the need to relax. Just talk to your DH and let him know to go more slowly or you need to shift or change positions. But relax, take a deep breath and take your time! No need to rush it!! I wouldn't say it's the best sex we ever had! haha But it was a wonderful experience I'll never forget.

Were you so tired after the wedding that you didn't even want to?
We FINALLY got to our hotel room about 2 am and opened up cards from the reception for awhile while he took all the millions of pins out of my hair. It was probably 3am by the time we got to it, and yes, we were EXHAUSTED! But we'd waited for this so long that it actually didn't matter! We actually never did get to sleep that night, we had to catch a 7am flight to get to our cruise port for our honeymoon, so we had to get to the airport around 5!! We slept on the plane!

Basically, just relax, talk, take your time, and HAVE FUN with it! Try not to stress too much about it!! Best Wishes!!

Daisypath

                                    "Come What May...."

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Brides who waited, can we hear from you?
Posted: Sep 5, 2009 11:10 AM Go to message in response to: frontiergirl28

Ladies,

Think back to when you first learned how to ride a bike. Or swim. Or play tennis. Or play volleyball.

Were you a doofus at first? Did you fall of the bike a few times? Almost drown? Miss the ball? Fall on your face?

Then, with practice did you get better? Did you learn to enjoy it?

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HeatherCV Posts : 2 Registered: 10/1/09
Re: Brides who waited, can we hear from you?
Posted: Oct 4, 2009 9:46 AM Go to message in response to: frontiergirl28

Hello:

My husband & I were virgins when we did it the first time and I agree with all the posts ahead of me - you just need to relax. It is going to be a little awkward for both of you so just know that you aren't alone - you two are together on this. Also, learn to have fun with it. Yes, it is nothing like you see in the movies but if you learn to talk to one another and tell each other what you like and don't like and experiment - you'll have great fun! The reason the firs time is usually uncomfortable is because first you are tight because you have never had a full blown .. you know ... in you.

But also because I think it is hard with all that pressure to perform to become fully turned on - which is something you really need to get wet - which is why other ladies suggest lube. Let me just say that if you don't get wet don't be afraid to ask for lube because if you do it a lot and you aren't getting wet enough you will get worn sore and it will just get worse and worse. You want to enjoy it so if you get sore - know that is normal and maybe politely ask for 24 hour intercourse break to recover - just remember - you have the rest of your lives now to enjoy each other to the fullest and it will be better each time.

Hope that helps.

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BlushingBridezi... Posts : 99 Registered: 7/21/09
Re: Brides who waited, can we hear from you?
Posted: Oct 6, 2009 9:20 PM Go to message in response to: frontiergirl28

OMG, I have been freaking out about the same things...lol. I was talking to my FH about this the other day. We are both virgins and our wedding is TWO MONTHS AWAY...YIKES! But I just hope it goes welll. I have had some fears that it might come down to the moment, and that I might be too scared to go through with it(the sex).Plus I had the concern of being too tired. We will have to leave earllllly in the morning to go on our honeymoon. And I don't see us hitting to bed early or possibly not even at all.

Also, should I be doing keegals? My area is already very tight(obviously)...but will it become loser after sex? Should I start working out the muscles now?
-The Blushing BrideCool

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Brides who waited, can we hear from you?
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 3:24 AM Go to message in response to: BlushingBridezi...

I did not wait.

However, I have a comment on the "were you too tired on your wedding night thing".

I have known many, many people who were just too darn tired to have sex on their wedding night.

IF this is the case with you, please do not feel pressured to do so that night. It can wait until the morning.

The reason I say that is your first time, you should be very relaxed, and not on any time constraints. Ridiculously tired and patience are not a good mix :) So just don't force yourselves.

With any luck, though, you won't feel too tired!
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

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Bally Posts : 355 Registered: 9/25/08
Re: Brides who waited, can we hear from you?
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 8:06 AM Go to message in response to: BlushingBridezi...

No you don't need to do kegals. Maybe after a few years and a kid or two later.




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DoesntPlayNice Posts : 809 Registered: 12/17/08
Re: Brides who waited, can we hear from you?
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 4:48 PM Go to message in response to: Bally

OMG the kegals questions has to be the funniest thing I ever read on here! I have had a kid and trust me there is no problem in the "tightness" department LOL although you can strengthen those muscles now to create a really cool effect for him during intercourse. (hint...do kegal exercises while having sex)

Previously Posted as Military Bride.

CEO of E.N.E.M.A. (Enemy Negotiations & Extraction Military Agency) A special Division of P.O.O.P. (People Offended by Offended People)

When POOP can't do it alone....they call for the ENEMA.



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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Brides who waited, can we hear from you?
Posted: Oct 8, 2009 2:39 AM Go to message in response to: DoesntPlayNice

A few different nurses have told me that they recommend EVERY woman do kegels...something about decreasing the likelihood/severity of incontinence later in life...children or not. So...there's just some added info for you.
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: Brides who waited, can we hear from you?
Posted: Oct 8, 2009 3:49 AM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

Birdlover, I was going to comment the exact same thing as you! I didn't wait either, but I have heard about being too tired on your actual wedding night, which I can only imagine!


If you are too tired, I wouldn't force it, you won't enjoy it and yeah it will still be special being your first time and wedding night and all, but it's better to atleast be able to enjoy it.


I've already told FH we gotta make some time between the ceremony and reception to sneak off...maybe after pictures, we got a pretty big wedding party, maybe a quickie while their all getting introduced..lol ;)


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WoostaBride Posts : 220 Registered: 6/8/09
Re: Brides who waited, can we hear from you?
Posted: Nov 1, 2009 7:18 PM Go to message in response to: BlushingBridezi...

Kegals are meant to STRENGTHEN the muscles, so if you are already a little tight down there you would be achieving the opposite effect of what you want. I'm with the poster who suggested doing them WHILE having sex, it intensifies things....especially for the man.

So I might be taking this thread in a bit of a different direction, but I had a few questions to ask and I figued I may as well do it here. First off, I am not one who waited, and I personally don't understand all of the hooplah associated with it (but that's just me). To all of you that did/are waiting; 1) Have you seen eachother naked? 2) Do you participate in any kind of sexual activity? (e.g. oral, heavy petting, etc.) 3) One poster mentioned that she didn't know how to make out....so, no kissing? I just find the whole idea of waiting fascinating, and I'm always interested in the details.

I can't imagine going into a marriage without knowing if I was compatible sexually with my partner. Sex isn't necessarily everything, but it certainly matters. It's like living together before marriage....how can you not? I have been living with my fiance for 3 years and I wouldn't dream of marrying him without having shared our lives together for a while beforehand. There are so many things that you learn about eachother being under the same roof, and certain things may be deal breakers. It also gives you an opportunity to work out the "kinks" in your behaviors that may bother the person you are with before it's too late to back out. I know that I'm going to get responses saying things like, "if you love someone, nothing is too difficult to work out", and "we can learn to live with with eachothers quirks no because we're so in loooooove". I'm sorry, but that's bullshit. Marriage is a difficult enough thing, and I don't think it hurts to know every little thing about eachother before jumping in to it. Maybe there wouldn't be so many divorces if people stopped rushing in to things blinded by the idea that love can conquer all.


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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Brides who waited, can we hear from you?
Posted: Nov 2, 2009 2:41 AM Go to message in response to: WoostaBride


"Sex isn't necessarily everything, but it certainly matters. It's like living together before marriage....how can you not?"

I can't agree with you on the living together part. I didn't do it. Didn't want to do it. And you know, statistically, people who live together before marriage have higher divorce rates. But anyway, for me, I'm the opposite of you. I didn't want to share EVERYTHING about my life before we got married - I wanted SOMETHING to be new and different after the wedding. So, the living together part was it!

But I agree with you about some of the sex stuff (although not all of it. I found your post to come off a bit judgemental towards those to choose to wait, and I don't think that's fair. But if you didn't mean it that way, I apologize). Anyway...I do think it's a bit naive to think "Whatever the problem is, we'll work it out." Some things you can't work out. He wants sex every day, you want it less than once a week. You can't really fix completely different sex drives. He ends up being really big into "role playing", and you find it creepy. Again, how to fix that?

So basically, I just think that if anyone chooses to wait (which is fine with me) I think that they should just acknowledge that there COULD be a problem associated with it in the future. And try to talk ahead of time how it might be dealt with. If nothing else, it might make things be less stressful/shocking if a problem does occur.

With that all said...you can really apply the "what happens if" to anything in a marriage, not just sex. What if you find out that he secretly drinks a lot more than you thought? What if you learn that you HATE a closet with someone. What if you learn this his inlaws suddenly think that because you're married, they get to control your life?

Marriage is a bit of a gamble either way.
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

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WoostaBride Posts : 220 Registered: 6/8/09
Re: Brides who waited, can we hear from you?
Posted: Nov 3, 2009 1:35 PM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

I understand your perspective on not wanting to not share EVERYTHING before marriage, but I believe that living together brings about new light to a relationship that needs to be experienced before marriage. Have you ever lived with a significant other?? If you have never, then I would completely expect you to choose not to do so with your fiance.....I only say this because I think that it comes with experience. I lived with a boyfriend for 3 years, whom I originally believed that I would marry (this was before we lived together). After 3 years under the same roof we realized things about eachother that neither one of us wanted to, or could live with, for the rest of our lives. Had I not moved in with him, I most likely would have gotten engaged and been married, and been absolutely miserable the rest of my life. This I was not willing to risk with my fiance. Simply because we live together does not mean that we will not have new experiences once we are married. Yes, many things will stay the same, but I'm happy about that. There are no expectations to be met, or not met....I know what I'm getting. I know what bothers me, and how to deal with it. We are going into a marriage with full disclosure, and I really can't see it any other way.

I understand that people have very different ideas about this, and that is fine....it just worries me that some girls hold these opinions because they have no experience with it. It's just important to think about things like this, because things can change DRASTICALLY once you live together...or they may not. Just be prepared, that's all!


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Chantale Posts : 7 Registered: 3/31/10
Re: Brides who waited, can we hear from you?
Posted: Apr 9, 2010 6:05 PM Go to message in response to: WoostaBride

To Woosta Bride, me and my FH are both waiting for our wedding night to have sex for the first time, so I feel like a perfect canditate to answer your questions:

1) Have you seen eachother naked?: No me and my fiance have never seen each other naked. However me and a former boyfriend have. You might think I'm crazy, but I kind of prefer it this way.

2) Do you
participate in any kind of sexual activity? (e.g. oral, heavy petting,
etc.): Once and a while there's some heavy petting involved, but not very often. And never any oral.

3) One poster mentioned that she didn't know how to make
out....so, no kissing? Me and my fiance definetly kiss! A lot! haha. And I know this wasn't a question, but I have fallen asleep next to him before. We just didn't have sex first.

We do show each other how much we love each other in a physical way. That physical attraction is still there, but we have religious reasons for waiting. But above that, I kind of like having some mystery in our marriage. I cannot imagine living with him and sleeping with him every single night before getting married. Then where's the difference between a common law marriage and a normal one? Then is the marriage really all about the wedding? I think that would take a lot of specialness away from the wedding and the wedding night. I like the fact that when we walk down that isle on our wedding day we're starting a life together and everything starts that day. We don't go back to doing the same thing we've been doing for the last so many years we would have been living together.

I agree that love cannot conquer all. I broke up with someone once whom I was very much so still in love with. That's why I think you really REALLY have to know the person you're marrying. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for hurt. But I think things like if he snores, or the way he brushes his teeth, or if he doesn't change his socks in a week. Things like that can be worked out if you let them. I personally think, in MOST cases, devorce is an easy way out that people jump to before trying as hard as they can.

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