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My MIL just today requested that I call her Mom

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Sunnijoy Posts : 32 Registered: 3/19/10
My MIL just today requested that I call her Mom
Posted: Mar 23, 2010 4:02 PM

She did this via e-mail. I make an effort to e-mail her weekly because though she lives only 20 minutes from us, my MIL rarely leaves her house. ( Long story; one I am still trying to sort the truth out of.)

Anyway, even though it feels a little awkward, I told my MIL that I was willing to start calling her mom. We have had a bumpy relationship due to her being very controlling. Although my MIL may have been to self focused to be aware of the ways she strained me.
I am trying to view my MIL asking me to call her mom as a sign my MIL is extending her friendship to me. I am trying not to worry about there being strings attached to the friendship- because that seems to be the case in regards with her to her actual kids ( my husband and his two siblings.)

Also I did not consult my husband before agreeing to his mom's request and so I hope I did not overstep my bounds.

I am curious to see how this all works out for me.

How do you ladies address your MIL?


"Man's chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever." ~Westminister Catechism

I try to spread my message to the world the best way that I can give it
We can make it, always be optimistic
If you don’t listen, gotta live my life the best way that I can live it
With the faith of a mustard seed, you can move mountains
And only the heavenly father can ease the hurt
Just let it go and keep prayin’ on your knees in church (Let’s go)
And be hopeful, hopeful, and He’ll make a way
I know it ain’t easy but - that’s okay
Cause we hopeful -"Hope" by Twista and Faith Evans

august_2009 , texas
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RebeccaFazzio Posts : 323 Registered: 10/28/07
Re: My MIL just today requested that I call her Mom
Posted: Mar 23, 2010 4:49 PM Go to message in response to: Sunnijoy

Ms. Becky. She addresses her MIL Ms. Sarah. I wouldn't feel comfortable calling her Mom. I have my own mother. She signs her emails Mom B. but thats as far as it goes. I consider her my second mother and we are extremely close. I've never had any issues with her like most people have with their MIL's but i wouldn't feel comfortable calling her mom.


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august_2009 , october_2010 , louisiana , texas
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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: My MIL just today requested that I call her Mom
Posted: Mar 23, 2010 5:26 PM Go to message in response to: Sunnijoy

I call my MIL by her first name. Her and my FIL sign cards to me, Mom and Dad. But I've never called them that and they haven't said anything to me.

I call my best friend's parents Mom and Dad - they are my Greek parents. But I've also known them since I was in kindergarten and I'm 35 now.

It might be weird with my MIL, I don't know. I guess I'll cross that bridge if/when I come to it. My DH might actually not be thrilled with it. LOL Who knows.

 

 

 

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BWFrancie Posts : 70 Registered: 11/11/09
Re: My MIL just today requested that I call her Mom
Posted: Mar 23, 2010 6:37 PM Go to message in response to: Sunnijoy

Okay.. here's the way I see it. I personally would feel a little weird calling my MIL "Mom", even though my own Mother has been dead for many years. Still.. you only have one Mom. However, if your FMIL has personality issues, and she asked you and you said no, it may be a whole can of worms to deal with. So, in that case, as long as you aren't freaked out about it.. then you could call her Mom. I mean, if it means that much to her.. why not? My own MIL told me I could call her "Grams" and my FIL "Poppy" because that is what my stepchildren call them. I sometimes call them that when the kids are around. I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it unless it really bothers you. I think you are right, maybe it is her way of extending the olive branch.

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north_carolina , texas , august_2009
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August28th Posts : 153 Registered: 1/28/09
Re: My MIL just today requested that I call her Mom
Posted: Mar 23, 2010 6:39 PM Go to message in response to: Sunnijoy

Being that we hardly ever see my inlaws and MIL and I have very little in common, I haven't really sorted out what I call her! In email, and at times when I have to address her, I call her by her first name. Otherwise if she's right next to me I'll say, "Hey, what about...". In her cards or emails to both of us, she signs in Mom and Dad F. or Mom F., but if it's just a card/email to me it's usually their first/her name/s.

I would feel uncomfortable calling her "mom". I find a mother-daughter relationship to be special and I share that with my mom. That's just my opinion.
True love is like a ghost which many talk about but few have ever seen.

august_2009 , missouri , texas
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: My MIL just today requested that I call her Mom
Posted: Mar 23, 2010 6:41 PM Go to message in response to: Sunnijoy

Dear Sunni,

You can do whatever is most comfortable for both you and your MIL.

I call my in-laws by their first names. It was a no-brainer for me, as I was adopted as an infant and decided long ago to only call one person "Mom" and one person "Dad"; my adoptive parents. My MIL is also adopted, and she understands the reasoning behind keeping "Mom and Dad" reserved only for my parents. Similarly, my husband called my parents by their first nasmes.

I have met my bio-parents and call them both by their first names, as well.

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MrsCP3 Posts : 456 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: My MIL just today requested that I call her Mom
Posted: Mar 24, 2010 10:17 AM Go to message in response to: Sunnijoy

I call my MIL by her first name, but she signs emails Mom C. and cards from her and FIL "Mom and Dad". Honestly, now that I think about it, I rarely actually call her anything. When I refer to her, though, I use her first name.

My mom and I are really close, so I would feel a little weird calling anyone else "mom", although my MIL and I are close as well. I also have a stepmom, who has been married to my dad since I was 10, and although she and I are close and she is like a second mother to me, I call her by her first name too.

 

 

 

august_2009 , october_2009 , texas
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paralegal05 Posts : 116 Registered: 3/19/09
Re: My MIL just today requested that I call her Mom
Posted: Mar 24, 2010 10:43 AM Go to message in response to: Sunnijoy

I also call my FMIL by her first name or when I am talking to someone else I refer to her as, "Tim's Mom." As far as when she gives me cards, she signs her first name so I assume she is comfortable with me just calling her by her name. I do not think I would ever be able to call her "mom" just because it would feel different and not comfortable. Plus, I really think my mom would be greatly offended if I called someone else mom. My mom is just that type of person. She would not want FH to call her mom. Its funny she just got remarried herself, and has acquired 5 additional adult kids! She tells me all the time how uncomfortable it is for her for them to call her mom. I just laugh and tease her about how she went from mother of 2 to mother of 7!

ohio , august_2009 , texas , january_2011
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jeaniebelle87 Posts : 137 Registered: 11/23/07
Re: My MIL just today requested that I call her Mom
Posted: Mar 24, 2010 12:39 PM Go to message in response to: Sunnijoy

I would definitely just do whatever your comfortable with. I call my FFIL Pops, but my FILs have known me since I was in diapers, and they're like a second set of parents to me. The weird thing for me is that I (and most of my friends growing up) have always called my FFIL pops, but always call my FMIL Mrs. J. I actually avoid calling her anything in person, because I don't know what to call her. She's corrected me and told me to call her by her first name, but for so much of my life she was Mrs. J, anything else seems weird to me (probably not to anyone else). In writing (emails, cards, letters, all that jazz) they always sign their names as Mom and Pops J, and I just let FH address things to them, so it always says Mom and Dad.
My FH calls my dad either Mr. H or by his first name, depending on their moods, but my dad calls all my friends (and always has) Mr. or Miss Last Name. FH calls my mom mom, but all my friends growing up did (my parents' house was the gathering place for all my friends growing up, and lots of them still hang out there just to visit with my mom and siblings, even though I haven't lived there in years).
So basically, I know for me and my FH what it has come down to is where our own comfort levels lie that determine what we call each other's parents.

minnesota , august_2009 , texas , may_2010
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ArtBride Posts : 4,841 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: My MIL just today requested that I call her Mom
Posted: Mar 24, 2010 1:10 PM Go to message in response to: Sunnijoy

Call her whatever you're comfortable with. I've always called my ILs by their first names, and continued to do so after our wedding. I had been calling them by their first names for 8 years, so it would have been a hard habit to break if I had wanted to. My MIL has a cute little way of signing cards and such, that she has done for many years. Because 'MOM' upside down is 'WOW', she signs cards 'MOM/WOW.' When I write or gifts to her, I usually write Mom/Wow, even if it's just from me, but I don't ever call her Mom. It's nothing personal, as I love her like a second mother, but I already have a Mom. Plus, (this is probably just me being weird) I'd feel a little weird if DH and I called the same person Mom, like we were siblings rather than a married couple. He calls my parents by their first names as well. I don't know how they'd react if he called them Mom and Dad. My Dad probably wouldn't care, but my Mom would probably think it's weird. My parents both called their ILs by their first names as well.

I also thought it was a little odd that you commented that you didn't consult your DH about this. I guess all couples are different, but I don't think it would even cross my mind to discuss that with DH. Mine really wouldn't care one way or another, nor would I care what he calls my parents. I'm sure that the answer you'll get is, 'Whatever you're comfortable with.'

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august_2009 , texas
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Sunnijoy Posts : 32 Registered: 3/19/10
Re: My MIL just today requested that I call her Mom
Posted: Mar 24, 2010 1:41 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I am also adopted. I have had some contact with my birthmom over the years and have always called both her and my adopted mother "Mom".

My adopted mom is my mom- the first that comes to my mind when I think of my mom.

I chose to honor my birthmom by calling her mom because I am grateful she chose to give birth to me and I appreciate her work and sacrifice in finding such great people to raise me.


My adopted Mom has always been very supportive of me calling my birthmom "Mom."- something I think speaks volume of my adopted mom's character.

But see this is what I am not looking forward to. It was confusing enough, albeit in a comical way, to address both my adopted mom and my birthmom as "Mom" when the three of us were visiting together one Thanksgiving.

My adopted mom spends most of her time in China so maybe I will call my MIL "Mom" only when she is the only "Mom" of mine in the room- to cut down on confusion.

Imagine if all three moms ever came over for the holidays! Yikes!


"Man's chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever." ~Westminister Catechism

I try to spread my message to the world the best way that I can give it
We can make it, always be optimistic
If you don’t listen, gotta live my life the best way that I can live it
With the faith of a mustard seed, you can move mountains
And only the heavenly father can ease the hurt
Just let it go and keep prayin’ on your knees in church (Let’s go)
And be hopeful, hopeful, and He’ll make a way
I know it ain’t easy but - that’s okay
Cause we hopeful -"Hope" by Twista and Faith Evans

august_2009 , texas
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Mushaboo Posts : 2,166 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: My MIL just today requested that I call her Mom
Posted: Mar 27, 2010 9:17 PM Go to message in response to: Sunnijoy

I call her Satan.

After we got married she started to sign everything mom. I asked nicely for her to not do that since we were not close. She said I was ungrateful. Hence why she is evil. I've never actually called her anything to address her to her face.

It's very odd. My emails usually start out "Hello or Hi" but never followed by a name. LMAO I guess I really don't feel comfortable with her.

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august_2009 , texas
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dodgercpkl Posts : 130 Registered: 9/27/09
Re: My MIL just today requested that I call her Mom
Posted: Mar 28, 2010 10:13 AM Go to message in response to: Sunnijoy

I guess I'm extremely lucky in my FIL's. I've found that the moment I met my FH's family, I fell in love with them as well because they are just like my own! From the moment I met them, I've been treated as family. When we announced our engagment to them, they asked me to call them Mom and Dad and tbh, to me that feels natural. Calling them mom and dad doesn't mean AT ALL that I'm replacing my own parents, it just means that I'm adding 2 more wonderful people into a special place in my life. My FH loves that I think so highly of his parents and he feels the same about mine.

My mom called her MIL by the name of mom or grandma (to us kids) and my dad is the same, so both of them think it's wonderful.


texas , august_2009 , october_2010 , southern_california
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VänTillBruden Posts : 353 Registered: 1/16/10
Re: My MIL just today requested that I call her Mom
Posted: Mar 28, 2010 11:10 AM Go to message in response to: dodgercpkl

Well, just to give you an idea of what my family is like....

My father calls his MIL "Granny", since that's what everyone else calls her. My mother called her MIL and FIL by their first names. My brother does the same. My step-sister calls her MIL and FIL by their first names in reference, but will call them Mom & Dad when she speaks directly to them. All of my aunts & uncles who married into the family, on my maternal side, call my grandparents by their first names. Everyone on my paternal side who married into the family called my grandfather "Farfar", which is Swedish for "grandfather", since that is what everyone else called him.

I love my BF's parents to bits. They're wonderful people, they've been very good to me, and I've come to think of them as my second set of parents. I call BF's father by his first name, but I still call his mother Mrs. __________ (insert BF's surname here). Granted, if/when BF and I marry, I will have to figure out a new title, since we'll have the same last name. But it works for now! BF also calls my father, stepmother, and mother by their first names.

I would have no problem calling his parents Mom & Dad, but would only do so if they gave me the okay, or asked me specifically to. And I know my parents would have no issue with it. My mother is Mom/Mommy, my father is Daddy, and nothing will change that, for me. *:)

If you aren't comfortable calling her Mom, then don't do it! If she takes offense, that is not a fault of yours. When you and your hubby have kids, you can call her Grandma (or whatever your variation on the word "Grandmother" might be). Until then, stick with her first name, if that's what you are comfortable with.

Love me when I least deserve it, because that is when I need it the most. (Swedish proverb)

texas , southern_california , october_2010 , august_2009
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juicygirl16 Posts : 49 Registered: 8/30/08
Re: My MIL just today requested that I call her Mom
Posted: Mar 28, 2010 3:00 PM Go to message in response to: Sunnijoy

I can't imagine ever calling someone who isn't my mom, Mom! I see it as more of a respect thing for my own mom-no one else gave birth to me, it was only her! I wouldn't want my kids calling their spouses' parents Mom or Dad. The only way I see doing that is if your birth parents are not the ones that raised you, then you would call the parents that did raise you by Mom and Dad.

Kind of an odd way to look at it I suppose but that's how I feel. And is the MIL soo insecure that you MUST call her Mom? Awk.

august_2009 , july_2011 , texas , northern_california
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