She Invited Herself!!!! HELP!

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RedCat Posts : 9 Registered: 8/2/09
She Invited Herself!!!! HELP!
Posted: Mar 13, 2010 5:33 PM

So my wedding day is in about two month, invitations are out, RSVP's are coming in, and everything is on scheduale.

Everyone at my job knows about my wedding, I invited (discreetly) the few I want to go, the ones I am close to. I gave there invitations either by hand away from others eyes or had them delived to there homes. I have been trying to be careful not to talk about the wedding with those at work who are not invited, but they all know it is going on. We are a small bussiness, word gets around fast haha.

So, my fiance was at work keeping me company, and remarked how nice it was outside and how he hopes the weather will be like that on our wedding day... an evesdropping boss (one of my three) came over and said, "oh, when is the date again?" to which i replyed "may 15th" to which she replyed "oh, i will make sure it is free, wouldnt want to miss it!" and then walked off!! She certainly did NOT receive an invitation, or any details. I have not even slightly hinted that I want her there. We have a very tight budget and limited space, also, I really cant stand her.

My fear is that she may find out from someone else (i did invite my favorite boss) and will show up anyway, possibly towing along her two kids and husband, which we have room for none of them!

How can I stop these domino's from falling! Its driving me insane! She signs my paychecks and controls the timeclock and although I dont want her there, I also dont want her to have animosity twords me, I do have to keep working there after the wedding.

Any advice is appreciated, THANK YOU!
May 15 2010!

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: She Invited Herself!!!! HELP!
Posted: Mar 13, 2010 6:23 PM Go to message in response to: RedCat

"Sheila, can I talk with you a minute?"

"Sure Cat"

"I know you were planning on coming to my wedding, and I really wish that were possible; unfortunately, we have a very tight guest list, you know with family and all the people my mother insisted on inviting. And don't get me started on my future mother in law's guest list! I hope you understand that we were not able to invite everyone we wanted to come."

"You didn't invite ME, Red Cat? But I'm your best work buddy!"

"I know. Trust me, the guest list was awful. I had to cut a lot of people I really wanted to come."

If you want to fudge a bit..."My guest list could not accomodate your family. And I would never dream of inviting you without your husband and kids. That would be beyond rude."

(by any chance, are all the other coworkers you invited single?)

Sure... in an ideal world, you'd say "Hey Twit:.... did you get a piece of paper in the mail saying 'please come to my wedding?'... NO? Guess what, I don't want you there." Or "Your attendance cannot be accomodated." with no explanation. But this is a boss/co-worker...someone who could make your life hell.

Hopefully, AOTB will come on here with something good and politic you can say to the boss...other than pound sand (which qualifies as Private Thoughts)

Misty

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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: She Invited Herself!!!! HELP!
Posted: Mar 13, 2010 6:23 PM Go to message in response to: RedCat

Oh WOW! If it were anybody but my boss I would say to tell her politely "no". If this woman has the power to make your life hell and she is catty enough to do it, I may bite the bullet and invite her. If you decide to squeeze her in, I would send her an invitation and write her name and husband's only on the invite. But like you said, if she is as tacky as she is acting, she may show up with her kids anyway. Maybe you could have a co-worker covertly mention that you don't have room for any extra people. What a mess! I am not sure what the right answer is, but I would probably find a way to squeeze her in. I have worked for women who were witches and they can truly make life hard.

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

www.bride-whisperer.com

http://twitter.com/BrideWhispering

http://bridewhisperer.blogspot.com  

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: She Invited Herself!!!! HELP!
Posted: Mar 13, 2010 6:59 PM Go to message in response to: RedCat

Dear Red Cat,

The boss knows it's the 15th, but doesn't know the location nor the time of day. Let's hope it stays that way.

Now that you know this could be a "problem", you need to rehearse what you will say if she should inquire about an invitation, or the time of day and location.

"So, I haven't yet received your invitation. Where and when is the ceremony?"
"I need to tell you that our guest list has been finalized, and all the invitations have been sent."

"I would really like to be there."
"I really appreciate the good wishes, but the guest list was finalized some time ago."

"I think my invitation might have gotten lost in the mail."
"No, all the invitations have been accounted for. We are keeping track of the RSVP cards."

Notice that I am using the "passive voice" here. This is good for communicating negative news. It's like you are talking about a third party.

Instead of saying "I did not invite you" (first person), you say "You were not invited".

I'd like to hope that she has enough sense to realize that if an invitation has shown up in her mailbox, she is not invited. Just make sure that the time and location details do not come her way. Take it off your Facebook page, for example.

If she does actually show up with husband and kid in tow, then just make the best of it. Sometimes people who do accept don't show up. You might as well let them have those seats.

Finally: Make a seating chart and have table cards. That really discourages gate crashers. Ask someone who is assertive and good with people to stand at the table card table to assist people in finding their table cards, then directing them to their seats. That person should be able to deal with someone who does not have a table card, namely, an uninvited gate crasher.

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HamzicBride Posts : 178 Registered: 12/28/09
Re: She Invited Herself!!!! HELP!
Posted: Mar 14, 2010 12:06 AM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

Great response, loved how you put this together, gave me a good giggle in the process. Again fabulous advice!

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RedCat Posts : 9 Registered: 8/2/09
Re: She Invited Herself!!!! HELP!
Posted: Mar 14, 2010 1:36 PM Go to message in response to: RedCat

Thank You Everyone for your great advice! I think I am just going to have to bite the bullet and very politely go into her office monday and explain the "miscommunication" and politely inform her that she is not invited, i could site financial reasons and what not. shes a money oriented person, that might make sense to her. Also, one of my coworkers who i did invite told me that she would casually bring it up with another coworker within her hearing range about sending back RSVPS (this boss evesdrops, A LOT if you couldnt tell haha). Maybe that will pave the road a bit for when I speak to her.
<sigh> Not looking forward to monday.
THANK YOU ALL FOR THE GOOD IDEAS!
May 15 2010!

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