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Any supportive FH's out there?

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MrsS2010 Posts : 336 Registered: 5/25/09
Any supportive FH's out there?
Posted: Mar 3, 2010 11:43 PM

Im just wondering if you ladies split up any of your planning with your FH or give him certain jobs that hes responsible for, or if you end up doing it all yourself? Basically, how involved is your FH with the planning process?

I think Im just a little bit frustrated right now and need to see Im not the only one here! When we had first gotten engaged, FH was all about telling me that if I need anything - let him know but that I am free to do whatever I want, as long as we stay within budget. He just wants to be given the heads up so he's caught up on things. Well so far hes critisized just about every decision Ive made, yet when I ask him for suggestions all I get is " I dont know - maybe we just dont even need it" (this ranges from things like photographer to things like table numbers). Now how is that NOT supposed to drive me up the wall??lol. Im paying for most of the wedding myself, he was supposed to pay for the car rental, photogs, and his suit. Each side of the parents gave us 3k which basically covered the reception hall/catering so it wasnt much more from us. We were fully planning to cover that cost ourselves and actually had a hard time accepting that money from them but now Im defenitely feeling grateful because I can only imagine how much more difficult it would have been dealing with him then!

I just cant seem to figure out how to go about his attitude on this. I would be just fine doing ALL the decision making if he would just make it clear that he trusts me with that and wont mind. I would also be perfectly happy sharing certain tasks/getting his opinions on things too because I love to know what he's got to say. But I just cant seem to get it right no matter how I do it! :( Really doesnt help me keep my stress level from shooting through the roof...And then I feel bad because I know I end up taking it out on him sometimes.

july_2010
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alymar Posts : 100 Registered: 3/2/10
Re: Any supportive FH's out there?
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 12:35 AM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

I have been given full reign but I go over the final decisions with my FH. Like we just picked out our invites... I sent him links for 8 different ones that I liked, he narrowed it down to two then we finally chose the one we liked best each - luckily the same one. Simiular to the packages we are finding - I go over the ones I find, he gives his opinon then it goes round and round while I do more research.

He is paying for 90% of the wedding budget and just letting me do what I want but he seems to be enjoying being part of the final decisions.
Friendship is a wonderful base for love...
When is my wedding
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oahu_3079 , july_2010 , december_2010
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MrsS2010 Posts : 336 Registered: 5/25/09
Re: Any supportive FH's out there?
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 12:40 AM Go to message in response to: alymar

Ugh, lucky you...

july_2010 , december_2010 , oahu_3079
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alymar Posts : 100 Registered: 3/2/10
Re: Any supportive FH's out there?
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 1:04 AM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

So, is he not liking anything you chose? I can only imagine how frustrating it is!

My brother had a simiular situation with his wedding - his now wife didn't really participate in any of the planning, he did the entire thing except her dress and it drove him insane.
Friendship is a wonderful base for love...
When is my wedding
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com

december_2010 , july_2010 , oahu_3079
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twilightskye Posts : 40 Registered: 5/20/09
Re: Any supportive FH's out there?
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 7:28 AM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

I do a lot of the planning myself but I do ask for his advice on certain things. He does go to most of the meeting with me and sometimes gives me his idea or opninions. It really depends on the situation.

I know at when my cousin got married her husband didn't even help at all.

I think sometimes the guys like to be involved and sometimes they don't care to be involved.

I really won't let it stress you out too much.

august_2010 , july_2010
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BriansAzBride Posts : 326 Registered: 12/5/08
Re: Any supportive FH's out there?
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 10:47 AM Go to message in response to: twilightskye

Aw I'm sorry MrsS. FH keeps telling me he's here to help but the only time he has really sat down and helped was when I was hand stuffing 100 invites and when I told him to book a honeymoon or we weren't going. Maybe you should sit down with him and ask what's up, why is he criticizing?

 

 

 

 I feel like a kid. Pinch me. This kind of love certainly can't be real. Oh wait, it is :)

july_2010 , arizona , august_2010 , may_2010
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Marryingmytruel... Posts : 135 Registered: 2/11/10
Re: Any supportive FH's out there?
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 10:58 AM Go to message in response to: BriansAzBride

We have just started planning but I have a feeling that I will do 99% of the planning myself. I'm ok with that though. I look at it as a partnership, I plan, he pays.

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september_2011 , new_york_metro
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FutureMrsLevine Posts : 77 Registered: 12/28/09
Re: Any supportive FH's out there?
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 2:55 PM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

MrsS, I'm in the exact same situation. My FH doesn't like any of my ideas, but when I ask what he would prefer, he says he "doesn't see why we need them". I have no problem doing everything myself, but I really want him to like the final picks because this is his wedding too, but I have no idea how to make it work. Ugh. I wish he was as excited as me about this whole wedding planning process. He always says the only thing he cares about is marrying me (which is very sweet!) but it does not help with the wedding! hah. I know that I've kinda gone crazy with excitement since we got engaged in December, and he may just be getting nervous, so I've decided to take a break from the "wedding talk" and just wait til summer to start talking to him about it again (obviously, I'm still secretly planning and writing notes and saving websites of venues and stuff) but basically, just give him a break and maybe that will help! Good luck. Keep us updated!
"The first time in your arms I knew, the way you held me, I knew that this could be what I've been waiting to find."

 http://www.mywedding.com/rachaelandteddy/blog.html

 

 

 

 



 


maryland , july_2010 , june_2011
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happydefiant1 Posts : 223 Registered: 7/9/09
Re: Any supportive FH's out there?
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 3:34 PM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

My FH said he wanted to be involved, but when it came down to it, he really didn't. His definition of involved is "you do everything and then tell me about it". But, I pretty much force him to be involved by leaving wedding stuff strewn about where he can see it and give input or coincidentally leaving the invitations and stamps next to his car keys hint, hint. He also told me to do what I wanted and that he would like whatever I planned and he pretty much has. But, at the very beginning I gave him a few things that were his responsibility. He understood that if he didn't take care of them, then they weren't happening. These things were: photographer, tuxes, honeymoon and rings. Now, that's not to say that I didn't have to remind him over and over to actually do them. We only have a month left before the big day, and luckily we're in coast mode. The last thing on our list is dance lessons. Which were his idea!! But, again, I can't get him motivated to do them..... So, I printed the feet layouts and instructions and they are on the cocktail table right by the remote where he is sure to not miss them, but passes them over every night ;) aaaaahhhh men :) It's interesting to me how they can each be so characteristically different, yet so innately alike.

I'm sorry you're having negative responses from your guy. That would irritate me. Maybe you should sit him down and in a nice, loving way say "Look, I'm only one bride to be with 2 hands, although I am super excited about our big day and am more than willing, there is just no way I can do all the planning alone." And then offer some of the guy duties that he can take care of. Explain to him that you are confused; that you're glad to know he trusts you with the planning decisions, but he said for you to plan, and then criticizes what your planning. Get him to give you a clear answer as to things he knows he doesn't want (like a seating chart, my FH shot that one down quick or formal attire at the reception, no outdoors, he hates the color orange, etc.) and then you can at least avoid those things. Maybe then he won't criticize the ideas so much.

My biggest help were my girls; especially my MOH. I ran most things by them before I ever asked FH. They really helped weed out the minor details that I knew FH didn't wanna mess with.

Happy Planning!...?

 

check out our wedding website: www.shawnandkathaeleen.brides.com

 

fh_involvement , planning
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MrsS2010 Posts : 336 Registered: 5/25/09
Re: Any supportive FH's out there?
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 4:13 PM Go to message in response to: happydefiant1

Ugh, thanks girlies. Its crazy how much better it feels to just at least hear all this! No he doesnt help at all. And like I said, Id be alright with that if he didnt NAG me then about not telling him anything. But when I do I just get all this negativity and usually end up practically in tears over the whole thing!! I think its him that cant make up his mind on how he wants this show to run, lol. If he could just figure that out, I'll work with it!

I asked him for TWO WEEKS to get me cardboard (which he can get at his work...) and then the last time I asked him he told me where I can get it myself and then there I go. We agreed on light gray suits that the guys and him were going to purchase. I completely left that up to him whatever he wanted to choose was fine with me as I trust his style (hes one of the rare ones that actually has a clue lol) and what does he do? Searches for about 2hrs one saturday while I was at work, decides he will never find anything, refuses to rent (fine with me) and then calls me whining about why Im making him get a gray one when it would be so easy to just find a good black one.

When did I nag him? Dont know - gray was as much his idea as mine, I guess he just expected it to be dropped in his lap. So I ended up finding a few for him, he agreed to one of them, I found all 3 guys awesome coupons for the store so they dont have to completely break the bank, and an hour after they all went off to buy them, I find out FH went and bought entirely different ones from a different store. How am I supposed to not go crazy here?? It made me feel like he only did that to just for it to be HIS decision but it was supposed to be from the beginning!! The suits do not necessarily complement the girls dresses in the best way, quite honestly, but I bit my tongue on that one. At least they're gray lol...defenitely not light though :(

Ahhh sorry for the vent ladies - I guess Im just getting closer to the wedding and so it's all piling up.

planning , july_2010 , fh_involvement
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HamzicBride Posts : 178 Registered: 12/28/09
Re: Any supportive FH's out there?
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 8:02 PM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

I couldn't imagine doing this without my bf. We are going to be engaged fairly soon(have the ring, just waiting for his moment to make it happen), but we have already talked about what we want for the wedding. Nothing has been set in stone, but we already know the type of things we want. It's definitely a 2 way team work project. At the end of the day, he let's me make the decisions, but he is definitely staying involved with it and putting in ideas, wants and needs.

Makes me realize how much I have been taking him for granted!

july_2010
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CatStandish Posts : 2,767 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Any supportive FH's out there?
Posted: Mar 5, 2010 12:03 AM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

MrsS....I'm about to make you green.

My DH and I planned our wedding together. We designed our logo. We worked on crafts -- for example, I made candles and DH made frames in our logo (he sculpted the design, created the mold, poured the resin, painted the frame, and then put together the back...so when I say "made"....I do mean Made). We picked out the songs for our wedding CD favor--he designed the cover. We both burned them. He sculpted the design for my soap and made the mold I used. I made the soaps.

He designed our invitation and printed them....I addressed them.

We designed our cake.

He created the playlist for our wedding reception.

We wrote our wedding ceremony (WE). The ONLY decision he did not have a part in was my wedding dress. And he was not an annoyance, because we enhanced each other's idea.

I'd start with 'how about...." he'd add something, and I'd add something, and by the time we were done, each element was a blending of ideas...and something that neither of us would have gotten to on our own. Our wedding was the reflection of a year of planning together.

And it was wonderful.

Misty

september_2009 , july_2010
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StarlitHolly Posts : 47 Registered: 2/23/10
Re: Any supportive FH's out there?
Posted: Mar 5, 2010 3:47 AM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

I had the weirdness of planning a wedding while my dH was miles and a country away. But it worked out great - I ran things by him via email and chat, made sure he was okay with different decisions, that sort of thing.
We picked the playlist for our reception together, and he picked the wedding rings. Basically, he left everything else up to me. I bought my own dress, and he bought his suit (we stuck with basic black, and he himself decided to get a red tie - which worked perfectly with the red roses!).
Our wedding was very small, we didn't have a bridal party, and my mom and GOH (Gay of Honor) were my life-savers and sanity-keepers during the whole thing.

~~ Sunshine <3 Love <3 Plushies <3 Weirdness ~~

21. Canadian. Living in Hawaii. Stay-At-Home Wife.

december_2009 , july_2010 , canada , september_2009
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AmyJustin2010 Posts : 201 Registered: 1/18/10
Re: Any supportive FH's out there?
Posted: Mar 5, 2010 11:07 AM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

My FH is really supportive. Everything (besides the dresses and the tuxes) up to this point has been a joint decision. With the vendors and venues, we narrowed them down separately, but the final decision was always a joint decision that we agreed on.

While FH cares (I'd guess) more than the average groom, I don't think he cares quite as much as he pretends to. He just knows that it's super fun and important to me and he wants to be supportive of my interests.

I'd feel upset if he wasn't taking an interest. I don't think that couples should share every interest (sports, theater, art, whatever), but I do feel that the non-interested party should give the other one the time of day. For example, I HATE soccer, but FH is interested, so when he talks about it on occasion, I listen to him and will sustain a conversation about it.

AmyJustin2010.Weebly.Com

 

Amy & Justin--Buffalo Sabres Fanatics :) 

june_2010 , upstate_hudson_valley , july_2010
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EWF Posts : 158 Registered: 7/16/09
Re: Any supportive FH's out there?
Posted: Mar 5, 2010 11:41 AM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

is there one thing that he's really interested in? my fiance is really into making this the best party ever, so he is in charge of the music. he chose the band (i went with him to the meetings, but the final decision was his). he has been making "play" lists and "do not play" lists, etc. give him one vendor that he really loves, trust me, he will get very involved.

it may just be too much for him to think about everything all together, but giving him just one, he'll get excited about it and it will take some things off of your plate.

 

 

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new_york_metro , march_2010 , july_2010
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