Invitation dilemma - no inner envelope and +1's

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briony Posts : 75 Registered: 2/9/09
Invitation dilemma - no inner envelope and +1's
Posted: Jan 13, 2010 3:36 PM

Ladies,

We want to allow our single guests to bring a date to the wedding. How do I indicate this on the invitation when we aren't using inner envelopes? It seems inappropriate to put "and guest" on the outer envelope. Spouses, fiance(e)s, and live-ins will have their names included on the primary guests' invitations, but what about couples that are just dating (and may or may not be together ~4 months from now)?

Should I just call/email these guests after invitations go out and let them know that they are welcome to bring somebody?

And if it matters, I don't care whether the "date" is a love interest, friend, child, parent, or whatever. 95% of our guests will be coming from OOT, so we want them to have the option of bringing somebody.

Thanks for any advice you may have.

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briony Posts : 75 Registered: 2/9/09
Re: Invitation dilemma - no inner envelope and +1's
Posted: Jan 13, 2010 3:40 PM Go to message in response to: briony

And yes, I realize some of the singles will probably etiquette-clueless and just assume that they can bring somebody even if their name is the only one that appears on the invitation. :)

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Invitation dilemma - no inner envelope and +1's
Posted: Jan 13, 2010 4:08 PM Go to message in response to: briony

Are you doing response cards? If so, then you can hand-write the guest's name + 1 into the spot where the guest writes his/her name. It might be time-consuming if you have a large guest list, but it will be clear that they are invited to bring a guest.

Or if you haven't ordered invitations yet, you could specifically design your response cards so that there is a space for the primary guest and an additional space for them to write their date's name.

If you're not doing response cards, my best advice is to include a handwritten note to your single guests saying something like, 'Hope you can make it! If you'd like to bring a date, please tell me their first name when you respond.'

Or you can just address it to the primary guest and leave it at that. If they really want to bring a date and are unsure, they'll contact you and ask.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Invitation dilemma - no inner envelope and +1's
Posted: Jan 13, 2010 4:20 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

I like all of Art's suggestions with the exception of the last one - I was invited to many a wedding by myself and I never asked to bring anyone. It never occurred to me.

Some might, but others might not. I think the clearer you can be, the better.

 

 

 

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Invitation dilemma - no inner envelope and +1's
Posted: Jan 13, 2010 6:32 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Even if you do have a large guest list, I highly recommend writing the guests names ON the response cards for them, as 90% of them are not even going to fill it out correctly (meaning: yes or no) and you can bet your bippie that NONE of them are going to write their names on there.

My mom was invited to two other weddings around the same time as mine (not conflicting mind you <G>), and the other brides didn't put the names on the response cards (nor were there places on the cards for that). One used numbers on the back of the card, the other did not do that. The bride who used numbers had some serious fun trying to match people up with ther guest list (okay... #321, that's Mr. and Mrs. Jones... hey, why did they write 3 here? Drat it, it was just for two!) and fussed a bit about it. The other bride was having serious issues because she was getting all these "yes" and "no" responses and had NO clue who was attending. I, on the other hand, wrote everyone's name (and their guests' name) on my RSVP, so when they came in, I knew who was RSVPing and how many for. Of the three ways she saw, she liked mine the best (and I am sure it was not just because I am her kid). The one that used the numbers had a MASSIVE wedding. My parents were like #739. And since their last name begins with a G, they were sure it was not an alphabetical list. (not really something you want to share with your guests.....their 'guest list ranking')

I didn't use inner envelopes either (my kit didn't come with it). I was excited, however, that my invites were precisely 0.8 ounces, so I could use a forever stamp on them.

Misty

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Invitation dilemma - no inner envelope and +1's
Posted: Jan 13, 2010 7:06 PM Go to message in response to: briony

If you're not concerned about who the guest is, then I see nothing wrong with just writing "and guest" on the envelope (and also on the seating card, if you use one). It's not the warmest way to do things, but it's ok. As for response cards, you can put in something like "------ people have been invited.


will attend." If you wish to get more exact info. once the responses are in, then you can contact the friends with "and guests" and ask, get names, etc.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Invitation dilemma - no inner envelope and +1's
Posted: Jan 13, 2010 7:20 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

Cat - Really?? I had NO problem with people writing their names on the response cards. I put an M and a line, well 2 lines, for them to write on it.

Maybe that's a more common thing up North. I never would have thought no one would write on them. LOL

 

 

 

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Invitation dilemma - no inner envelope and +1's
Posted: Jan 13, 2010 7:41 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Considering that half of my RSVPs came back and they had not even checked "yes" or "no"

I had to call those people and say "I got your RSVP. However, it didn't say if your're coming or not, could you please confirm you'll be attending", Of the people who responded "yes" or "no", only three actually filled out the other blank that I had which said _____ of 2.

I shudder to think what they'd have done if I'd just left the M _______ there. I'd have gotten cards back with nothing checked and no names. The amount of time I spent writing names down was well worth the stress saved later (plus it told them exactly who was invited) I had Mr and Mrs Tom Jones on the outer invite.... and the RSVP said "Tom and Shirley Jones"

Misty

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Invitation dilemma - no inner envelope and +1's
Posted: Jan 13, 2010 8:02 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

That's just really funny. I sent out over 150, close to 200 invites, and every RSVP I got back (that's another story) had the names and a checked Will Attend or Will not attend.

But it takes all kinds!

 

 

 

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briony Posts : 75 Registered: 2/9/09
Re: Invitation dilemma - no inner envelope and +1's
Posted: Jan 14, 2010 11:47 AM Go to message in response to: briony

Thank you all for your advice. We're inviting 150+ guests, but I'm going to go ahead and fill out the names on the response cards. That way it will be clear that the single guests are invited with a date, and maybe it will save me the aggravation of dealing with people who wouldn't fill the cards out properly.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Invitation dilemma - no inner envelope and +1's
Posted: Jan 14, 2010 12:35 PM Go to message in response to: briony

Briony - After what Cat said, I think that's a good idea. I'm glad I didn't have to deal with that, but I guess I got lucky.

 

 

 

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briony Posts : 75 Registered: 2/9/09
Re: Invitation dilemma - no inner envelope and +1's
Posted: Jan 14, 2010 2:15 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

My sister just got married, and though she didn't have a problem with people not filling in their names on the response cards (or not checking "yes" or "no"), she did have plenty of people writing in the names of extra (uninvited) guests. She wanted a smaller wedding and essentially went with No Ring No Bring. Awkward phone calls ensued.

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love4andy Posts : 10 Registered: 3/29/09
Re: Invitation dilemma - no inner envelope and +1's
Posted: Feb 28, 2010 9:18 AM Go to message in response to: briony

Hello All!

I just got my seal and send invitations in the mail and would like to send them tomorrow. My question is... how do I address the guests? I don't technically have any "envelope" to write all the guests names on the outside. Can I just write "The Smith Family"? If they are single and can invite a guest can I write "Sally Smith and Guest"?

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briony Posts : 75 Registered: 2/9/09
Re: Invitation dilemma - no inner envelope and +1's
Posted: Mar 1, 2010 12:01 PM Go to message in response to: love4andy

I think that if the primary guest is married, engaged, cohabiting, or seriously dating someone, you need to find out that person's name and either include their name on the primary guest's invitation or send that person their own invitation. Referring to a significant other as "and guest" is going to ruffle some feathers.


For guests who aren't involved with anyone, the previous posters had good advice. You can put the primary guest's name on the outside and then write "John Smith and Guest" on the response card (I'm thinking that seal-and-sends have a perforated response card?)


And I really, really would avoid ambiguous things like "The Smith Family". You and I might think that clearly refers to John and Jane Smith and their two little kids, but some people will play it a bit fast and loose with "family" and bring along Grandma or the couch-surfing cousin. Be specific and write out each name.

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