Angry Over Alcohol

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Angry Over Alcohol
Posted: Mar 1, 2010 8:01 AM

I'm seriously considering have no alcohol at the wedding! Do you think the guests will get upset over that? In my opinion if they don't like it they don't have to come! I have seen too many bad things happening because of consuming too much alcohol and I won't tolerate any stupid behaviors at my wedding! I can still have wine and champagne but no beer or hard liquor. How do you think the guests will react to that? Would YOU be happy as a guest if there was no alcohol?

 

                           
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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Angry Over Alcohol
Posted: Mar 1, 2010 8:25 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

Cheetah - It would be fine by me. But trust me, you can stll get some messed up behavior with just wine. (So just be prepared.) (Edit: Sorry I read beer not wine.)

My aunt (70+ years old) got drunk at my wedding and apparently said something to my Mom that annoyed her. My Mom tred to tell me about it at my reception and I wouldn't let her - the fact is I was enjoying myself and I can't control another adult. My mother was able to control herself and there were plenty of other people that she could complain to.

But that was pretty much it.




Edited by: PharmToxGirl on Mar 1, 2010 8:45 AM

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Angry Over Alcohol
Posted: Mar 1, 2010 8:37 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

Mmm,

Would I be angry? No.

However, there are limited situations where I would not expect alcohol at a wedding. Casual affairs where neither the bride or groom drink (Cat's wedding) or other circumstances such as one of the couples being a recovering alcoholic (plenty of members here.)

However, I remember your menu and I know you are having a plated dinner. I probably would expect and appreciate being able to have wine or a beer. I know you said you would offer wine--but what about those that don't drink wine? They aren't able to have a beer? And why is beer so much worse than wine? My mother is a complete wine-o and my friends get completely sloshed off of wine.

If you want to control intoxication--talk to your event manager as well as the bartender and say that it is very important to you that people get cut off of alcohol at the appropriate time.

I am a bartender and have been at weddings--if a couple asks me specifically to check IDs and to cut people off who are getting 'sloppy' then I am much more strict in doing so. Otherwise, it's a wedding--and a lot of people use it as a time to get drunk, including the bride and groom! I have definitely pushed the serving alcohol to the intoxicated to the limits--but the bride and groom said that I could be more casual about it--that they wanted it that way--and it was at a resort where nobody was driving afterwards. As a bartender, I basically honour the bride and groom's wishes.

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VänTillBruden Posts : 353 Registered: 1/16/10
Re: Angry Over Alcohol
Posted: Mar 1, 2010 8:41 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I think that a dry reception (save for a little wine and champagne) is a fantastic idea. My mother is a recovering alcoholic, so though I may have a bit of a biased opinion, I support anyone's choice to have a dry event, 100%. You'll have wine with dinner, a champagne toast... If anyone wants to get plastered, they can do it elsewhere, on their own dollar, on their own time. Right on, girl!

My only word of advice? Be prepared that people may be a little reluctant to dance, at first, without a little liquid courage. Don't ask me why, I personally love to dance, but some people really need that first drink to loosen up a bit. My suggestion? Make sure you get your friends who do like to dance out on the floor, to set an example. Maybe hula hoops? (I saw that at a wedding when I was a child, and everyone just loved it.) Or have the DJ start a contest that involves dancing of some kind.

Best of luck!!!

Love me when I least deserve it, because that is when I need it the most. (Swedish proverb)

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Marryingmytruel... Posts : 135 Registered: 2/11/10
Re: Angry Over Alcohol
Posted: Mar 1, 2010 9:08 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

If you don't want to risk any of your guests getting wasted at your wedding then I would only do a champagne toast. You can get just as drunk off of wine as you can off of beer. The guests most likely to get wasted probably will whether it's wine or beer or rum and coke.

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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Angry Over Alcohol
Posted: Mar 1, 2010 10:19 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

This issue came up a few months ago and there was some different opinions. It is an issue close to my heart because alcoholism runs in my family. I have seen firsthand the harmful affects alcohol can have on a family... in fact... I have seen it destroy.

My DH and I chose not to have alcohol at our wedding last June. It went fine and nobody seemed disappointed. I know, however, that some guests not only expect alcohol but get upset if it's not there.

My thought is you are providing your guests with great food, delicious cake, and many alternative drinks. If you and your FH do not want to serve alcohol at your wedding, then don't. It isn't a requirement. The people who love you and want to be there to celebrate your marriage are going to be there. If they don't want to be there because there isn't alcohol... well... that's just very sad (in my opinion) Good luck!

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LeopardPrintBride Posts : 17 Registered: 2/20/10
Re: Angry Over Alcohol
Posted: Mar 1, 2010 11:04 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

One feline themed username to another (;P), the people who know me know that I detest alcohol. We come from a pretty lengthy tradition of alcoholics on my side of the family, and FH's family drinks very, very sparingly. We're having a very intimate occasion, and I would say only about three of the guests drink at all, some sparingly. There is at least one guest who would be quite upset if there was alcohol there, actually.

That said, I won't legally be old enough to drink at my wedding, regardless. FH will, but he does not drink, either.

No matter what, it is your big day, and while you want your guests to have a good time, if you are uncomfortable with alcohol being present, then they will get over it. I for one would never 'expect' anything about another person's wedding, let alone something as touchy a subject as alcohol.

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18. Young bride-to-be. Cohabitating. Planning an Oct. 2011 wedding.
 
 

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Marryingmytruel... Posts : 135 Registered: 2/11/10
Re: Angry Over Alcohol
Posted: Mar 1, 2010 11:18 AM Go to message in response to: LeopardPrintBride

I agree that you should be comfortable at your wedding. It's your day, your choice. I wouldn't want to worry up until the wedding and during the reception about what might happen. I would plan on not serving alcohol and move on with my planning.

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Agape14 Posts : 201 Registered: 12/31/08
Re: Angry Over Alcohol
Posted: Mar 1, 2010 11:32 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

Cheetah, if there's a specific reason that you don't want alcohol there like PP's have mentioned (you and/FH/close family or close friends being in recovery), then I think most guests wouldn't have a problem with that if they knew ahead of time. But if it's just a general "I don't want people to act stupidly at my wedding", I would be annoyed as a guest. If that's your reasoning, as a PP mentioned, I'd suggest just instructing the bartenders to be extra vigilant with their serving rather than restricting all adults guests because of the potential behaviour of a random idiot.

But I definitely agree that people can get just as drunk off wine as they can off beer, so if you are including alcohol, I'd also include beer as an option.


~~Life's tough, wear a cup~~

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briony Posts : 75 Registered: 2/9/09
Re: Angry Over Alcohol
Posted: Mar 1, 2010 11:38 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

If your guests want to get sloshed on your dime, they'll get sloshed with the wine and champagne that you're thinking of providing; cutting out the hard liquor isn't going to prevent any drunken antics.


As for whether a wedding with no alcohol whatsoever would make me angry, no, it wouldn't. But unless I'm aware of alcoholism in the family or some other issue, I would be surprised/mildly disappointed, as I pretty much expect* to be able to have a glass of wine with my dinner at a nighttime, festive occasion like a wedding.


What about controlling consumption by skipping the bar and putting a carafe of wine on each table during dinner?


  • "Expect" sort of connotes demanding/judgmental, but I really don't mean it that way.

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bosoxgirl Posts : 231 Registered: 2/3/10
Re: Angry Over Alcohol
Posted: Mar 1, 2010 11:42 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I get pretty messed up after 2 glasses of wine. If you want a dry wedding, have a champagne toast and soft drinks.

 

  

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Angry Over Alcohol
Posted: Mar 1, 2010 11:53 AM Go to message in response to: bosoxgirl

If I have 3 glasses of wine--I am feeling pretty good.
If I have 3 Rye & Diet's--I'm not feeling much different.

If having a dry event is really important to you--skip alcohol entirely. And I will add, that I would find it puzzling having a champagne toast at a dry event.

I wouldn't mind going to a wedding if I knew in advance "alcohol is an emotional subject in the family--they are skipping it" or if it was a brunch or something. But then to do a contradiction and to offer wine and a champagne toast would definitely irk me a bit (for lack of a better term.)

I have never been to a dry wedding/party before--so it is something that I have come to expect as a norm. However, of course I would be understanding of certain circumstances.

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Angry Over Alcohol
Posted: Mar 1, 2010 11:57 AM Go to message in response to: bosoxgirl

Thank you everyone for your responses. My main concern is people acting stupid. When my FH gets drunk I get scared because he doesn't know what is going on around him or what he is doing. I doubt he will get plastered but if he does I'm gonna have to deal with him the night of the wedding. I'm also worried about people driving home. I know that's THEIR problem but I don't want to feel guilty if something bad were to happen with someone driving home. There will also be divorced families there. I'm afraid that if certain people have too much to drink that words will get said and as a result a fight may break lose. Also, my cousin and my future father in-law are recovering alcoholics.

The problem is that my fh wants alcohol to be available. We planned on an open bar. At each table there will be a bottle of wine as well since it's all included in the package. I also know for a fact that my dad will be upset if he can't have a beer. So I am stuck.

I have thought of stopping the alcohol an hour before the reception ends. Not sure if that will help any.

 

                           
                                          CIMG7482-1.jpg picture by CheetahAngel81

 

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Angry Over Alcohol
Posted: Mar 1, 2010 12:01 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I wouldn't be annoyed if I went to a wedding and the only alcohol available was wine. Limiting the alcohol to wine, however, wouldn't stop me from getting drunk if I wanted to. Different types of alcohol affect different people in various ways. I think a lot of people sterotype and think that hard alcohol makes people drunker than beer or wine, and that's just not true. Personally, I'm a big fan of offering everything and letting guests
drink what they're used to. I have a friend who is a Ketel One drinker.
He could literally drink Ketel One all day and appear just as sober as
a sober person. But give him a beer, glass of wine, or some other type of
booze, and he'll be a mess.

If you want to limit drunkeness, the best way to do it is to limit the amount that guests are served, not to restrict alcohol to a certain type. Your bartenders and the venue should be able to take care of this - it's in their best interest to do so, as they can be held legally responsible for overserving guests. My advice is to talk to the venue/bartenders about their alcohol policy. If you're still uncomfortable with the amount that your guests might be served, consider closing the bar completely after cocktail hour or after dinner. Another word of advice: Do NOT put bottles of wine on each table for guests to serve themselves. Have the servers pour wine and repour once during dinner to guests who want another glass. If you leave bottles for guests to pour themselves, you can't control how much they're drinking and you'll end up with drunk guests. (I've been guilty of this in my younger days!)

Now, on the subject of totally dry weddings...at the risk of sounding like the alcoholic of the boards, I don't think I'd enjoy a dry wedding. I've never been to one so I can't comment from experience, but honestly, it sounds pretty boring. I'm not a big drinker, but I like to have a glass of wine or two at a wedding. It makes me more comfortable mingling with strangers and I'm more likely to get up and dance and just generally have a better time if I've had a drink. Like I said, I've never been to a wedding without having a drink, so this is just a guess, but I'd probably dance less and leave earlier at a dry wedding than I would if I could have a glass of wine or two.

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: Angry Over Alcohol
Posted: Mar 1, 2010 12:07 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I would either just do alcohal, or no alcohal, not inbetween of offering just wine and champagne. The first reason is because you can get just as messed up off of them as much as beer and hard liquor. The second is, while I love champagne and will drink wine (though I'm more of a champagne over wine person), there are some people who won't like either. I can't stand beer, and I hate whenever we go somewhere and that is the only alcoholic drink available. If I'm going to a BBQ or something it's fine because I'll just bring something that I like, but for a wedding I wouldn't have that option. So I'm just thinking of the situation in reverse, and I know I wouldn't be to thrilled about going to a wedding where only beer was served.

What I would do, IF you want to serve alcohol but don't want people getting out of control, is make sure the bartenders keep a close eye on who they are serving. If someone is getting too intoxicated, have them cut-off. Also, if you know of those who are more likely to get hammered and make scenes, give a picture of them to the bartender so they'll keep an extra close eye on them.

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