Nosy people, birth control

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CandyK Posts : 33 Registered: 6/8/09
Nosy people, birth control
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 6:02 PM

Is anyone else having the problem where people keep offering unsolicited advice on birth control and trying not to get pregnant? I'm having it big time. I'll be married a month on Saturday and I wish that people would actually ask my husband and I "when are you going to have/try for a baby". Nobody has asked us this. Everyone keeps telling us various birth control methods and how we don't need to have children for years. My poor hubby is knocking on 40's door and he has wanted a child for years. My husband and I want to have a big family so we know we want to start soon. I'm just tired of people being so nosy and strange about this. I'd never go up to someone and talk to them about something so private. I guess people feel since I'm in my 20's they can talk to me about anything, even my birth control or lack there of.

How do people react when everyone (even people you don't know well) suggest you not have a baby? Maybe I'm missing something here and people don't think I'd be a good mother or perhaps they didn't like raising their own kids. Thoughts anyone?


Edited by: CandyK on Feb 10, 2010 6:03 PM

Edited by: CandyK on Feb 10, 2010 6:04 PM

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Nosy people, birth control
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 6:18 PM Go to message in response to: CandyK

Dear Candy,

Nobody, except your doctor, has any business poking their noses into your reproductive plans, either pro or con.

You need to learn to tell them just that.

Memorize: "Nobody, except my doctor, has any business poking their nose into our reproductive plans."

If they persist: "Are you my doctor? I don't think so. You sure as heck don't look like my doctor. Nobody, except my doctor, has any business poking their noses into our reproductive plans."

More persistance: "Buzz off, bucko."

(And you have my best wishes for a beautiful family.)

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Nosy people, birth control
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 6:37 PM Go to message in response to: CandyK

Try: 'Thanks for the advice. I'll keep it in mind.'

If pushed to continue the conversation, try: 'I'm not comfortable continuing this conversation now, but thank you for the information. I will discuss it with my husband.' (Sure, you'll discuss it with him. When you complain about this person's rudeness and plot a way to avoid him/her in the future).

If feeling bitchy, try: 'Pound sand.'

It sucks when people stick their nose into your business, but try to keep in mind that it's (most likely) kindly meant. I doubt that anyone thinks you'd be a bad mother - they are probably just concerned about your finances (not their business), career (also not their business), or you having adequate time as a couple before having kids (again, not their business). Despite none of this stuff being their business, people WILL offer advice. This is true for any stage of life - you WILL get unwanted advice. Just practice your polite smile and a neutral 'Thank you for your opinion.'

Personally, in nearly two years of marriage, I haven't had a single person ask us when we plan to have kids or give us birth control advice. I figure that's due to one of two possible reasons: either most people I know are polite, or they all know me well enough to know that I'm not going to answer, and if I did, it would be the 'pound sand' answer.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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August28th Posts : 153 Registered: 1/28/09
Re: Nosy people, birth control
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 8:49 PM Go to message in response to: CandyK

I've been married about 6 months and I can't count how many times people have asked us when we plan to have kids! When we say we plan to wait awhile, we always get a similar response as you, "Good, you should wait as long as you can/awhile/until you're more financially stable/have a house... etc." I find it is extremely rude to ask us this. Unless you're my mother or doctor you have no business to ask us about our family planning. Or telling us how long to wait. Is it anyone's business how you structure and budget your finances? No, so it's no one's business about your family planning. That's my two cents, I agree that it's very rude. Good luck!!


True love is like a ghost which many talk about but few have ever seen.

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Lori82 Posts : 151 Registered: 3/21/08
Re: Nosy people, birth control
Posted: Feb 11, 2010 12:54 PM Go to message in response to: CandyK

Wow, I've never had anyone ask me about that unless I volunteer the information myself. I could maybe see someone asking when you think you'll have children if they know you well enough..maybe a close friends or family members...but to ask you about birth control and tell you when the right time for you to have a baby is just rude.



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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Nosy people, birth control
Posted: Feb 13, 2010 1:04 AM Go to message in response to: Lori82

Wow, that is so rude! And I completely understand where you and your husband are coming from. Thank goodness that being in his forties doesn't affect a man's fertility - your big family awaits you, I'm sure!

I'd go with aunt's advice, but I'm really headstrong, so I'd probably get to the "are you my doctor|?" part more quickly.
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Nosy people, birth control
Posted: Feb 13, 2010 9:57 AM Go to message in response to: CandyK

I'd tell them either the polite version OR if it's someone I don't know at all - it's none of your business.

My MIL asked if we want to have kids, we said yes when we're ready. That was it. (And she has NO g-kids, so I'm happy she's not crazy bugging us.)

My Mom knows we want kids, nothing from her.

Other people, I guess I know I want kids and they either know that OR they aren't going to poke their noses RUDELY into my business.

 

 

 

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Re: Nosy people, birth control
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Re: Nosy people, birth control
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Re: Nosy people, birth control
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Re: Nosy people, birth control
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